Sunday, September 29, 2013

Scandal Episode 27

Real Eun Joong walks down the runway, Yes-Men bowing reverently, as he's greeted by Jang Tae Ha and the gang (who are all secretly plotting against him). It doesn't help Eun Joong's case when his father won't allow the others to ride with them on Tae Ha's personal elevator.
 
(I should mention somewhere between Episode 26 and Episode 27 Joo Ha and Jin Woong have officially gotten married. The audience wasn't invited to the ceremony.)
 
Fake Eun Joong (now known on the show as Koo Jae In) has opened up his own little law office. His first, and so far only, client is Hwa Young. She still considers Fake her son and talks about passing on tradition down to her grandchildren from him.
 
Real Eun Joong asks his father to be assigned to the construction arm of the business. Tae Ha updates Eun Joong on the fact that the construction part of the conglomerate is suffering right now. Eun Joong is firm in his decision and Tae Ha gives in.
 
Now that Kang Ho is off in jail, Tae Ha needs a new right hand man and brings in Kim Joong Hyuk. Tae Ha pairs Joon Hyuk and Joo Pil together to oversee the company's secret funds. Then there's talk about paper companies based in the Caribbean and I start to fade out. Don't care.
 
Jin Joong walks into Eun Joong's office and catches the new vice president reading mangas. Jin Joong doesn't appear to be buying Eun Joong's act as a fish-out-of-water goof off. After he leaves, Eun Joong's secretary brings him the files on all the shareholders in Taeha Construction. Eun Joong gets down to serious work.
 
Fake offers Ah Mi a job at his tiny one-man law firm so now he can give her Stares of Burgeoning Love all workday long.
 
Hwa Young stops by the Ha house to discover it's been vandalized with graffiti all over the place declaring Myeong Geun should disappear and die.
 
Jin Joong, perhaps as a test, puts Real Eun Joong in charge of finishing up the Zeus condominiums, the very building that (in a sense) killed Ah Mi's husband.
 
Hwa Young suggests to Myeong Geun that they join forces to destroy Tae Ha in order to save Real Eun Joong. She's scheduled a press conference where she intends to tell the world all about Tae Ha's wrong doings: murder, arson, faulty construction, as well as the death of Myeong Geun's real son back in '88. She shows him the cd she found. On it are three depositions from people closely involved with the collapsed Taeha Plaza.
 
Tae Ha gets served with divorce papers.
 
Fake Eun Joong sees Ah Mi home to the Ha house. As usual with DramaKoreans, neither one sees that Real Eun Joong is sitting in a car watching them from ten feet away. It is Fake who breaks the news to Ah Mi that Real has quit his job at the police and has moved in with Tae Ha, her blood enemy.
 
Just as Fake reaches up to pull something out of Ah Mi's hair, Real lays on the car horn in a "Get your hands off my woman!" move. So now they notice him. Ah Mi feels the need to introduce herself as she doesn't recognize this new and improved Jang Eun Joong. She asks for the USB stick back as she doesn't think he needs it anymore. She plans to get Tae Ha all by herself since he's solely focused on becoming the new chairman of the board. Eun Joong asks her to trust him without explaining anything. My girl has no time for this nonsense.
 
Joo Ran and Joo Pil learn that Fake, before he stopped officially being Jang Eun Joong, transferred all of "Jang Eun Joong's" shares to Koo Jae In. This means Fake is the second largest shareholder in the company next to Tae Ha.
 
Real Eun Joong calls on one of his contacts from the underworld. A computer hacker with multi-colored hair. Eun Joong orders the kid to hack into Taeha's database.
 
Eun Joong comes home to an uncomfortable family meeting where Tae Ha tells the kids how Hwa Young has petitioned for a divorce. To Hwa Young's shock, Eun Joong sides with his father.
 
Ah Mi decides to go out and join Eun Joong for his ungodly 5:30 AM badminton game but has to stop to get hungover Soo Young to bed. Soo Young is sliding down that slippery slope to alcoholism. Detective Gu discloses to Ah Mi that he's secretly working for Real Eun Joong to keep an eye on the woman Real still considers his little sister.
 
At the park, Ah Mi tells Real Eun Joong how she's now working for Attorney Koo Jae In. Eun Joong recognizes the name as the mysterious second largest shareholder of Taeha Group. He's further shocked when Ah Mi explains Jae In is the lawyer formerly known as Jang Eun Joong.

Innocent Lilies Episode 4 - 6

It's another day and another chance to watch Japanese Cinemax After Dark.
 
 
 
The senior girls break it to the class that Klingon Girl has "dropped out" of the Academy. Klingon Girl's cohort, Angry Girl, demands to know who ratted the (dead) student out. Nerdy Girl can't stand the pressure any longer and confesses. She then has a freak out which unleashes her red tentacles.
 
Nerdy Girl wakes up in the school's clinic with Clumsy Girl at her bedside. The other classmates, what's left of them, also come to visit. Blonde Japanese Girl hangs back as she thinks about Suicide Girl. Nerdy Girl feels well enough to join the others for more training. There's not much ogling this time as half the students are forced to piggyback the other half. Nerdy Girl is saddled with Angry Girl riding her.
 
(Ya know, back in my day witches learned to cast spells and brew up potions, not train for a decathlon.)
 
That evening as they're all lounging around in their skimpy white lingerie, Clumsy Girl worries aloud about not having any powers yet. What if she can't become a White Witch? Cat Ear Girl proclaims if she can't be a White Witch she'll simply die. Still thinking about Suicide Girl, Blonde Japanese Girl jumps on Cat Ear Girl's case and begs the other girl to never say anything like that, even in jest. Annoying Girl paints everyone's pinkie claiming it will make their wishes come true.
 
The senior girls are all catering to Hoodie's needs. Hoodie asks after the potential empath in the group. Mikumo reports the empath hasn't "awakened" to her powers yet. Hoodie orders the class to be made to suffer even more.
 
Said suffering seems to involve bunny rabbits. The students are tasked with taking care of the animals.
 
Somebody flashes back to that damn alleyway. The one bloodied woman who had been knocked around is now joined by two other tough women. An angel appears. Bloodied Woman takes out a knife and the girl gang attacks. Silly women - of course you're going to get your ass kicked by one angel. The angel uses her magical weapon to make all three women turn black and explode.
 
The students return to the rabbit hatch to discover all the innocent bunnies have been savagely ripped apart. The sight of the slaughter at least causes Clumsy Girl to erupt with her magic power as CGI flames burst out of her chest. The senior girls appear and announce this was the final lesson. Now there will be a test so the class should get some rest.
 
As the girls are walking back to the dorm that evening, Blonde Japanese Girl is about to say something when she hears a strange noise. She and Clumsy Girl run towards the danger trying to hunt the source of the sound down. They discover a necklace on the ground. All that's left of Klingon Girl.
 
Suddenly Blonde Japanese Girl and Clumsy Girl are attacked by albino zombies, otherwise known as failed students of the academy. One of the zombies grabs Blonde by the ankle. At least Clumsy Girl has the presence of mind to grab a cinderblock and smash the zombie's arms with it.
 
But wait, perhaps these albino zombies aren't just after brains. One of them gets close to Blonde Japanese Girl and warns her to "save the wounded girls." Before she can say anything more, Surgical Mask Girl swoops in and kicks the zombie back.
 
Back at the dorm room, Blonde Japanese Girl is feeling the wounds of the other students. Clumsy Girl, also unable to sleep and feeling alone, asks if she can sleep with Blonde. The two girls crowd in together on the very narrow bed. Ah, we learn Suicide Girl was Blonde's sister. Blonde feels extra guilty because her sister was always asking to sleep with her and Blonde was always saying no.
 
As Blonde Japanese Girl falls asleep she dreams about her sister being bullied by three grown women. Blonde witnesses the bullying yet seems reluctant to come to her sister's rescue. Never fear, here comes an angel to knock the bullies down.
 
It's the day of the test. Kikula announces that from here on out the students will be enacting their own Hunger Games and try to kill each other. She explains the source of their powers comes from their emotional scars. The more they hurt, the more powerful they will be. And don't even think about calling it quits or else they'll end up like Klingon Girl.
 
Angry Girl tries to call it quits and runs for her life. Surgical Mask Girl is hot on her heels. Somewhere, Hoodie is watching all this and enjoying a nice cup of hot semen milk. Angry Girl tries to fight back with her blades of yellow light. Surgical Mask Girl easily dodges the projectiles and gets in close for more bone-crunching action. A solid kick to the head causes Angry Girl to turn black and blow up.
 
And then there were five.
 
The surviving girls decide to band together and fight the senior girls instead of each other. And they'll get right on that right after Annoying Girl drops the kids off at the pool. The other girls make the wrong decision to stay outside the restroom. Unless that's the right decision to stay away from the smell. Whatever. This gives the chance for Surgical Mask Girl to suddenly appear in the restroom and slam Annoying Girl up against the wall.
 
Only it seems Surgical Mask Girl just wants to talk. She pleads with Annoying Girl to fight and become a White Witch. After all, what kind of crappy life does Annoying Girl have to go back to? Surgical Mask Girl removes her mask to show a scarred mouth, done to her by her own father. With a catch in her throat, Surgical Mask Girl begs Annoying Girl to become a White Witch with her so together they can protect young girls being victimized in the world.
 
As the other classmates patiently wait for their fifth one to return, Annoying Girl comes out of the john with her Staff of Power and starts chasing her friends.
 
 
Okay, so we've gone from Cinemax After Dark to UFC Championship.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Innocent Lilies Episode 1 - 3

Innocent Lilies can be found over at Viki.
 
 
 
The show begins with two Japanese girls. One looks like she's been roughed up. The other is blonde (blonde, I say!) and wearing that sailor outfit that Japan likes to inflict upon its female schoolgirls. Roughed Up Girl whines about life being too hard and she wished she was dead. Blonde Japanese Girl points out there are other people in this world suffering much worse. If Roughed Up Girl wants to kill herself then go right ahead. Roughed Up Girl says fine, grabs a knife and is about to slit her wrist when...
 
Blonde Japanese Girl wakes up in a sweat. Ah, so it was only a dream. Or was it a dream of a real past event? Blonde Japanese Girl looks over and sees on her computer that's she's just gotten an email from White Witch Academy.
 
But enough about that. Some dude is being thrown violently around. Holy Crap, he's being knocked around by an angel! Wings and heavenly chorus and all that.
 
After the opening credits we re-join Blonde Japanese Girl who is just arriving at White Witch Academy. Beside her, on the ground, is another new arrival - Clumsy Girl. They're greeted at the gate by Risa Kikula, Mikumo Annz, and Nighera (who is wearing a surgical mask). They give the newbies the tour and a rundown of the history of White Witch Academy. Basically a witch escaped from Europe and found refuge in Japan. She established the school as a haven for Vestal Virgins and such.
 
Blonde Japanese Girl finds a solitary white feather on the floor. Kikula explains it came from a witch's wing. If the newbies study hard, they can learn how to transform and have their own wings. So none of that bell-ringing crap from It's A Wonderful Life.
 
Kikula takes them to the Nurse's Office where the rest of the show's cast are in varying stages of undress. Too many Japanese names are being thrown at me and I'm not getting a one. The girls continue to undress as they get ready to go to the chapel for an initiation ceremony. There is even more stripping as each girl must now get into a bathtub of milk. Lots of cooing, soft focus, and caressing of body parts. (I feel dirty watching this.)
 
Finally they're all back to wearing clothes as Kikula has each of them swear they are virgins and will dedicate themselves to witchcraft. She bestows a necklace on each of them. Now it's time for their first lesson. Somewhere in a parking garage one lone schoolgirl is being bullied by three other schoolgirls. As our pack of newbies watch, Kikula and her sidekicks display their CGI wings. I guess only the newbies can see the wings as the Mean Girls don't seem fazed at all. The Mean Girls go in for the attack. Surgical Mask Girl simply kicks their ass with old fashioned, non-magical kung fu. Mikumo uses her power to freeze time. Then Kikula does something weird. She pulls up her skirt to show her thigh. A bloody mark instantly appears on her thigh, only to then turn into a flintlock pistol. Kikula takes the pistol and shoots the head Mean Girl.
 
WTF am I watching?!?
 
Episode Two starts off with more scintillation as Blonde Japanese Girl and Clumsy Girl are dressed in nightclothes that barely leave anything to the imagination. Clumsy Girl wants to be friends with her roommate but Blonde Japanese Girl keeps her distance. I'm kind of confused as to whether Clumsy Girl is Suicide Girl from the first scene or if she just reminds Blonde Japanese Girl of Suicide Girl. Sorry, but I can't really tell most of these actresses apart.
 
The rest of the cast barges into their dorm room to have tea and sweets. Laughing and bonding ensue.
 
But enough about that. It's back to the alleyway where it turns out I was wrong. That wasn't a dude being knocked around by an angel, it was a woman.
 
But enough about that. It's back to showing off more skin as our newbies are all dressed in swimsuits with their butt cheeks hanging out. Is this soft core porn? Cat Ear Girl softly explains she doesn't know how to swim. This gets her a shove from Surgical Mask Girl into the pool. The girls start swimming as the cameraman starts focusing on their wet breasts and crotch shots.
 
What's this got to do with witchcraft? Nothing.
What's this got to do with beginner's porn? Everything.
 
After being worked to exhaustion, the class is finally allowed to get dressed and go to their classroom where the senior girls lead them in prayers. Suddenly one of the girls whose name I didn't get stands up and jerks around. In the air before her materializes a bat'leth. The other girls are quite happy that she was able to manufacture a Klingon weapon out of thin air. Therefore I shall call you Klingon Girl.
 
Another girl starts to exhibit her powers as well but she has no control over them. A wave of yellow light starts heading towards the class. Mikumo does her time-freezing thing to be able to get Blonde Japanese Girl out of the way before the yellow light hits. As the girls are heading back to their dorm, Blonde Japanese Girl has a close encounter with an albino.
 
Episode Three has the three senior girls welcoming back a forth winged avenger. They help to dress her in the school uniform, the camera paying extra attention to the newcomer's legs. The newcomer wears a hood over most of her face so I shall call her Hoodie.
 
Mikumo gives Hoodie a cup of milk. At least I hope that's milk. Hoodie claims the drink is too hot and she uses her powers to make the cup explode. The white substance splatters all over Mikumo's face. Yes, that's what is called a "money shot." I feel so dirty. So, so dirty.
 
Mikumo, still with white splatter on her face, tells Hoodie about one of the new girls being a potential empath. The newbies are shown up close and in slow motion as they eat frozen semen yogurt. Annoying Girl tells the others about how there is supposedly a ghost wandering around campus. Blonde Japanese Girl thinks back to her encounter the other night.
 
The senior girls come in at that moment to explain the albino isn't a ghost but a student who went mad when she failed to become a witch. The Academy tries to take care of her here on campus.
 
The newbies are taken off for physical education. Yep, more crotch shots, bulging breasts, and girls moaning and grunting. This time it's Annoying Girl and Cat Ear Girl who have their magic breakthrough, making a staff and sword appear. Nerdy Girl is jealous. Later they're all cleaning up the classroom so the show can have all these girls on their knees as they slowly ring out dripping wet rags. I hope my bottle of Brain Bleach is within reach.
 
Nerdy Girl tries to get Klingon Girl to do her part in cleaning. Klingon Girl makes her bat'leth reappear and throws it at Nerdy Girl. As Blonde Japanese Girl is picking the furniture back up she discovers a hidden message written on the bottom of one of the desks. Escape.
 
Nerdy Girl goes to the seniors to report the slackers as well as to express her worries about not having any powers yet. The seniors assure Nerdy Girl she does have powers and she should give it a try. Nerdy Girl gasps in pain and surprise as red tentacles sprout out of her back. Because, you know, Japan loves tentacle porn.
 
Surgical Mask Girl bitch slaps the slackers. Blonde Japanese Girl suspects Nerdy Girl of being the snitch. That night as she's looking out her bedroom window, Blonde Japanese Girl sees Klingon Girl starting to run away from the school. She goes downstairs to stop the other student. As they're talking in front of the gate they're caught by the senior girls. Klingon Girl thinks Blonde Japanese Girl ratted her out. She makes her bat'leth appear again only to have Kikula shoot it out of her hands.
 
The seniors order Blonde Japanese Girl back to her room. They drag Klingon Girl off so Surgical Mask Girl can kick the ever-lovin' shit out of her. Then Kikula pulls her gun out of her thigh again and shoots Klingon Girl in the chest. Klingon Girl turns black then explodes into ash as her necklace (the only thing that remains of her) falls to the ground.
 
 
*Yawn*    That's enough Japanese porn for the night.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Scandal Episode 26

I expected Jang Tae Ha to jump out in the open and surprise Myeong Geun and Real Eun Joong but no, he just stumbles away. He appears to be upset to think that his son still cares even a little bit for Dad #1. What Tae Ha doesn't hear is Eun Joong proclaiming he's going to do everything he can to send Myeong Geun up the river for the rest of his life, albeit that's just for a few short months. Eun Joong hopes his former father dies alone and unloved.

Eun Joong, I'm kinda starting not to like you.

Fake Eun Joong goes through all the paperwork to get a new identity but you know what, I've been calling him Fake for 25 episodes so that's what he's going to stay. Tae Ha drops by for a visit and Fake once again warns Tae Ha that Real Eun Joong is a danger until he hands over the USB as well as the recording gizmo.

Ah Mi and Soo Young come to the jail to visit with Myeong Geun. Well, Ah Mi does as Soo Young goes running out of the room. Ah Mi tells Myeong Geun she knows about his cancer. He asks her to once again keep Soo Young out of the loop and not to tell his daughter about his illness.

Real Eun Joong has just finished filling out the paperwork to keep Myeong Geun in jail when Soo Young comes in reads it. She starts screeching at Eun Joong for taking out his revenge on her father. (Although I could have sworn for the last few episodes Soo Young was screeching her hatred of Myeong Geun. Now suddenly you want to defend your old man? Make up your mind, Screechy Girl.) 

Eun Joong goes out to his car to repress his emotions and listen to the Scandal OST cd. Ah Mi simply opens the car door and invites herself right in. He asks her not to say anything and just be there with him. With his eyes closed, Eun Joong doesn't see Ah Mi discover the USB stick hidden within the Dorothy key chain he has hanging from the rear view mirror. After thinking for a moment, Ah Mi puts it back in the doll but does a rather sloppy job of hiding the USB, which leaves me worried it's gonna be found by the wrong person.

Detective Gu gets the chance to take Soo Young out for some diesel fuel (AKA Soju). 

Another musical interlude. Push that soundtrack, Show. Push it!

Yoon Hwa Young, who appears to have rapidly recovered from her drug abuse, is digging through boxes and boxes of stuff when she discovers a CD. (Is it the Scandal soundtrack?) She has to hide it quickly as Joo Ran is once again loitering in their living room. Hwa Young first thanks Joo Ran for reporting her missing. But make no mistake: while Hwa Young was out of it on the drugs, she wasn't that out of it and she knows Joo Ran had been out to the cabin and did nothing to rescue her then. Tae Ha, as usual, is eavesdropping on this conversation as well. 

Hwa Young reminds Joo Ran that she's been declared mentally incompetent, which is basically a Get Out Of Jail Free card. She could kill someone, like, say Joo Ran for instance, and go to a hospital instead of prison.

Real Eun Joong and Ah Mi go shopping for cheap crap. (It's so nice the police department has no problem with Eun Joong just up and leaving in the middle of the work day.) Eun Joong makes an appointment with Ah Mi to play badminton tomorrow at 5:30 in the morning. Who the hell plays badminton at 5:30 in the morning?

Tae Ha comes to gloat over Hwa Young about all he's taken away from her. She stops him in his tracks as she vows to take back everything that Tae Ha took away from her father. And, if anything were to happen to her, Hwa Young is sure Real Eun Joong will avenge her.

Alone in his jail cell, Myeong Geun is in agonizing pain from his cancer. Ah Mi had brought him his pain medicine earlier and in DramaLand prisoners are allowed to keep huge bottles of opiates inside their cells. Real Eun Joong, tears in his eyes, watches around the corner.

Detective Gu and Soo Young go out dancing. Because that's what you do when your dad is a kidnapper and is incarcerated. Then she drops to the floor and screams like a banshee. 

What the hell has happened to you, Show? What is going on? Have you been taking those schizophrenic drugs Tae Ha was feeding Hwa Young? You're all over the place. You're going nowhere and doing nothing.

Tae Ha calls Real Eun Joong into his study for a talk. Eun Joong continues to proclaim he wants revenge against Myeong Geun. Then he proceeds to give Tae Ha both the USB stick and the recording gizmo. At least it appears that way. I sure hope these are just copies. 

The next morning it looks like Ah Mi isn't going to show for their badminton game. (Because no one in their right mind plays badminton at 5:30 in the morning!!) 

It's been too long since we've had a rooftop scene so here's one now. First there's an almost touching moment between Tae Ha and Kang Ho as they say their goodbyes. (Kang Ho is heading off to turn himself in and take all the blame.) Up next is Fake Eun Joong. Tae Ha shows him the USB stick and recording gizmo and takes Fake to task about trying to cast doubt on Real Eun Joong. 

Down at the police station where Kang Ho is turning himself in to Real Eun Joong, he also passes on the word that Tae Ha wants Myeong Geun released from jail and that all charges are to be dropped. Myeong Geun is shocked to hear Eun Joong is going to settle for just Kang Ho. Eun Joong shows Dad #1 his letter of resignation from the police force. He's going to go work for Tae Ha now because it's no great big leap at all from policework to running a multi-national conglomerate. 

Hwa Young asks Fake to handle her divorce from Tae Ha. She wants to take her husband to the cleaners. (At Fake's little apartment I keep seeing these square things with -__- on them. What are these things? They're not helping set the mood of the scene. In fact they look rather disapproving.) 

The last shot of the episode is of Real Eun Joong getting out of a car at the office building. He's wearing a pinstripe suit and looking sharp. I would consider this Eye Candy Time (however brief). 

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Scandal Episode 25

As the episode opens, a cop is putting the gun into an evidence bag as a handcuffed Eun Joong is put in the backseat. To give Jang Tae Ha credit he does do his damnest to try and get his son released. Eun Joong says nothing. One of the cops gets back out to try and calm Tae Ha down. Ah, it's important to note the cop explains they have to investigate whenever there is gunfire. There's no mention of "murder" or "dead body."
 
We finally get back to Myeong Geun. He's stunned but unharmed as he falls to the ground. Ah Mi comes out to check on him. Myeong Geun begs her to go check on Eun Joong instead. Down at the station Eun Joong isn't answering any questions but at least he's giving us a flashback as to what the heck happened in the garden. He shot the tree right next to Myeong Geun. Because yeah, trees are to blame for this whole tragedy.
 
As Myeong Geun is staring at the bullet in the tree, Tae Ha comes up behind him. Dad #2 swings his cat-headed cane at Dad #1. Myeong Geun dodges just in time as the cat lands on the wood right next to the bullet. Tae Ha digs the bullet out, lording over how much Eun Joong must hate Myeong Geun right now to come so close to shooting him. Now where's his wife?
 
Tae Ha drags Myeong Geun back to the house where a still fragile Hwa Young is standing on the stoop. She's terrified of her husband but he starts to drag her away. Hwa Young sends a pleading look to Myeong Geun but he just stands there! Myeong Geun, you ass.
 
But wait! He redeems himself in the next scene. As Tae Ha is buckling Hwa Young up in the car, Myeong Geun pulls his enemy out of the vehicle and lays the smackdown on Tae Ha. With Blondie down on the ground, Myeong Geun jumps into the car and drives off with the other man's wife. Tae Ha calls Kang Ho (I'm assuming) to have the car reported stolen and to have both bitch and bastard found and brought before him.
 
Eun Joong is released from custody. Still in a daze he stumbles slowly down the street, not noticing Ah Mi is shadowing his every step. Well, she said she'd walk through hell with him and here we are.
 
Myeong Geun pulls over into an empty field. They need to abandon the car and find a secret place where Hwa Young, still recovering from the drugs, can get some rest. Thank goodness rich people keep loads of cash in their glove compartments. Myeong Geun will use the money to get them a cheap hotel room for the night.
 
The Walking Dead (AKA Eun Joong) finally comes out of his haze to realize he's stopped in front of a portrait studio where he and the Ha's had theirs done because look, there is their picture in the window. He tells Ah Mi about Myeong Geun's terminal cancer. Eun Joong is so conflicted right now with anger at his kidnapper as well as heartbreak at the thought of losing the only father he's ever known. Eun Joong bursts into the portrait studio, steals the picture and destroys it.
 
Eun Joong and Ah Mi have just discovered Myeong Geun and Hwa Young have suddenly disappeared. At that moment Eun Joong gets a call from Detective Gu (the one who was macking on lil' sis) alerting them that a warrant has been issued for Myeong Geun's arrest for car theft and kidnapping of Hwa Young. Eun Joong orders Ah Mi to stay at home, lock all the doors, and give Soo Young some kind of story that doesn't involve the truth.
 
Joon Ran feels the need to tell Tae Ha that she was the one who reported Hwa Young missing and that it was Eun Joong she reported it to. So now Tae Ha knows it was Eun Joong who spirited his mother away and left her in the care of Myeong Geun. Joo Ran thinks loudly to herself how she wants there to be a war between father and son.

Eun Joong comes back to his new home to be greeted by his ex-girlfriend/half-sister. Joo Ha wants to get him fitted for a new suit for her upcoming (and unwanted) wedding. This just makes Eun Joong think about his other not-sister, Soo Young, who is taking this scandal so hard.

Meanwhile Kang Ho, all by his little ol' self, is searching the city for Myeong Geun and Hwa Young. They're holed up in a flea bag hotel. Myeong Geun dares to call Eun Joong to report on how Hwa Young is doing. When he asks for some help, money and clothes and such, Eun Joong cooly replies that Myeong Geun has called the wrong number. Tae Ha comes into the room before Eun Joong can hang up. Dad #2 asks for Eun Joong to call him Father. Dad #1 hears this and his heart breaks to hear Eun Joong call another man dad. Hwa Young offers her son's kidnapper the Shoulder Pat of Comfort.

Tae Ha wants to sleep in the same bed with Eun Joong tonight. (I find this completely awkward at the thought of Eun Joong having to share a bed with the man who tried to kill him.) Tae Ha's cell phone rings and he leaves the room to take the call. Eun Joong takes this opportunity to try and call Myeong Geun back. Tae Ha's call is from Kang Ho. He's found the fugitives at the Prince Hotel.

When Tae Ha comes back into the bedroom, Eun Joong announces he's found out where his mother so get dressed and they'll go get her together. What are you up to, Eun Joong? When they get to the flea bag, Hwa Young is at first glad to see her son but then horrified when Tae Ha walks into the room. To make matters worse, Eun Joong slaps the cuffs on Myeong Geun and arrests his former father for car theft and kidnapping. Tae Ha looks smug. Myeong Geun looks resigned. I sure hope there's a plan somewhere in here.

At the police station Eun Joong stops by the cell to check on Myeong Geun. Dad #1 theorizes aloud that Eun Joong has put him in jail in order to protect him from Tae Ha who now can't reach Myeong Geun. Eun Joong doesn't say anything which is good because Tae Ha is standing just around the corner, eavesdropping.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Sleepy Hollow Episode 1

Starring Tom Mison as Ichabod Crane and Nicle Beharie as Abbie Mills.
 
 
 
Hudson Valley, New York - 1781
 
Ichabod Crane (who's a lot more manly here than he was in the original story) and his fellow patriots are in the woods fighting a skirmish with the red-coated British. Suddenly Revolutionary Era Jason Voorhees rides up on a pale horse. He's wearing a red coat (so the Brits are to blame!), a full facial black mask, a strange mark on the back of his right hand, and is wielding a battle axe. He's intent on riding Crane down when Ichabod fires his flintlock pistol first, knocking the horseman to the ground.
 
Spotted Horse cannot be killed by a bullet, though, and the Horseman quickly regains his feet. He swings his battle axe, giving Crane a serious wound to his chest. Just as the Horseman raises the axe for the killing blow, Crane swings his own sword first and neatly decapitates his foe. But remember, Crane has already been grievously wounded. As he starts to fade away the last voices he hears are of a woman begging him to stay with her and a man warning, "We don't have much time."
 
Cut to an underground cave. Jars of questionable contents and talismans are situated around a plot of ground. A human being bursts out of the grave (for lack of a better word). It's Ichabod Crane. He stumbles out of the cave and through the woods until he comes across an asphalt road, something he's not familiar with, and is nearly run over by several vehicles. (In his defense the weather was foggy and these people shouldn't have been driving that fast in those conditions.)
 
Now it's night. Lt. Abbie Mills is at a diner having a bite to eat with Sheriff August Corbin. He can't make himself be happy that Abbie will be leaving soon to join the FBI. They receive a call that a local stable has reported something is going on there and is spooking the horses so the pair go to check it out.
 
They immediately split up. (Not only is this improper police procedure, this is always the wrong thing to do in a horror situation. Strength in numbers, people.) Sheriff Corbin goes into the stable while Abbie looks for the owner of the horse farm. She finds him - well, part of him. He's missing his head. Meanwhile in the barn, Corbin pulls his gun and orders someone to come out of the horse stall. It's our old friend, the Headless Horseman.
 
As Abbie races towards the barn, the Headless Horseman (on a new pale horse) bursts out of the building. She has time to note the strange marking on the back of the Horseman's hand before he rides off. Inside the barn Abbie finds Corbin has also been decapitated.
 
(There's a bit of a joke here. Sheriff Corbin is played by Clancy Brown. Brown was in the original Highlander movie as the villain who went around cutting off everyone else's head. Now he be the one who be beheaded. Karma's a bitch, y'all.)
 
Abbie immediately radios in that an officer is down. Back in the town of Sleepy Hollow, another cop in his car starts to race off in response when he has to come to a screeching halt before running over Crane. The cop jumps out with his gun drawn and arrests Crane. (I don't understand why he's stopping to bother with a jaywalker when there's an officer down elsewhere. Priorities!)
 
Crane is handcuffed, sitting in a cell when Abbie is brought in to identify him. She immediately discounts him as the murder suspect. (Again, why did they bother to arrest him? He was nowhere near the scene of the crime!) As Abbie starts to describe what the killer did look like, Ichabod recognizes this is the Headless Horseman he thought he had killed.
 
They hook Crane up to a lie detector. He passes with flying colors as he tells the truth about being a British soldier who changed sides (so he's a turncoat!) and fought for the Colonies. He served under THE George Washington. After the battle, Ichabod's last memories are of being in triage, his wife Katrina by his side begging him to stay with her. The next thing he knew he was crawling out of the ground in a cave.
 
The cops want to send Crane to a mental hospital. Abbie asks to be the one to transport him. She trusts Ichabod enough to allow him to ride up front with her. Abbie wants to ask more about the headless man with the brand of a bow on the back of his hand. Lame jokes about Starbucks fall flat. As they drive past a church, Ichabod makes eye contact with a priest standing outside. Interestingly, the two men both seem to recognize each other although 250 years should have separated them. Is the priest the man who said "We don't have much time" in Crane's hazy memories?
 
Anyway, Abbie takes off Ichabod's handcuffs (she must really, really trust him) as he leads her to the cave where he was resurrected. Ichabod finds an old Bible that hasn't been damaged by 250 years of exposure to the elements. Revelations is bookmarked. Ichabod tells Abbie how THE George Washington had personally given him a mission to kill an unknown mercenary with the mark of a bow on the back of his hand. The fate of mankind rested on Ichabod defeating the Horseman, who turns out to be one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  
 
Meanwhile back at the church, the mysterious priest is bearing a spade and heading for the old graveyard when he hears the approach of a horse. Instead of going back inside the church, the priest chooses instead to run around the graveyard as the Headless Horseman slowly stalks his prey.
 
But wait: the priest has some kind of strange powers. He shouts out foreign words that don't sound like Latin. Nearby chains whip out in an attempt to imprison the Horseman. It doesn't work. The priest's last words are defiant as he swears he'll never tell the Horseman where "it" is. I'm betting it's the Horseman's head.
 
Mills returns to Sleepy Hollow with Crane to check up on the death of the priest. As Ichabod sits in the police car a hawk lands on the hood of the vehicle. He feels the need to follow the bird. The police captain (Captain Irving, to continue the in-jokes.) rightfully jumps on Abbie's case for not taking Crane to the mental hospital as she was ordered. Abbie points out the death of the priest is the same M.O. as the other deaths and since Crane was with her at the time he can't be the murderer they're looking for.
 
The hawk leads Crane to the old graveyard and to a particular headstone. Crane pulls aside the vines to read the very legible 250 year-old tombstone of his wife, Katrina. The rock notes she was burnt as a witch. I would like to note that America didn't burn its witches. We had other, non-flammable ways to dispense with them.
 
Pressured by her captain, Abbie has no choice but to take Ichabod on to the mental hospital. Abbie confides in Crane about something that happened to her back in her youth. She and her sister were walking through the woods. They happened upon four white trees that Abbie found rather odd. There was a mysterious voice and something started to rise up out of the ground. Abbie and her sister blacked out and were found somewhere else later. Ever since, Abbie's sister has been in and out of mental hospitals herself, which is why Abbie is so willing to listen to Ichabod's strange story.
 
Abbie returns to the late Sheriff Corbin's office and discovers a key. She searches to see what this key unlocks. It goes to a fortified file cabinet where Corbin kept his own records of the occult history of Sleepy Hollow, including reports on witches, covens, and unsolved murders. Abbie also finds a file concerning her own case.
 
She's caught by Captain Irving who demands to know what she's doing in here. Abbie covers herself claiming she was looking through Corbin's old files in hopes of finding something that would help with the current mystery but she found nothing helpful. The captain orders her out, not noticing the paper she had hidden in her clothing. Irving seems to have a suspicious look on his face which may be indicate he's not to be trusted.
 
Back at the mental hospital Ichabod is having a vision of his dead wife Katrina. She confesses that she really was a witch but her coven was the good coven that was fighting the evil in Sleepy Hollow. Her grave doesn't contain her body but the missing head of the Horseman. After the wounded Ichabod beheaded the horseman, they both fell to the ground next to each other. Their blood mingled on the ground, thus connecting them through space and time. Katrina's coven buried the Horseman's body in the river while they hid Crane's body in the cave in an effort to protect him.
 
Katrina didn't revive Crane. Someone else brought the Horseman back and inadvertently brought Ichabod back as well. This same unknown villain has trapped Katrina's spirit in the woods. She pleads with her husband to find and protect the skull so the Horseman can't be made whole, otherwise the other three Horsemen will appear and it will be The End.
 
Abbie breaks Ichabod out of the mental hospital. She tells him about all the case files she found in Corbin's office and shows the paper she smuggled out. It is an old map of the Hudson Valley made by THE George Washington. Corbin had marked parts of the map that he thought were important to solving the age-old mystery.
 
Abbie calls her friend Andy, the cop who arrested Crane for jaywalking and murder, to ask for help at the church. Oh, but turns out Andy is working for the Headless Horseman, who has now acquired all sorts of guns and ammo in addition to his battle axe. So Andy must be part of the Evil Coven.
 
Abbie and Ichabod have just dug up the head from the grave when the Headless Horseman rides up with his pump shotgun. Ichabod hides in the grave while Abbie runs for her life. Now it's time to put away the shotgun and take out the AK 47. Just as the Horseman is about to shoot Crane, Abbie remembers she has a gun and starts firing back. Andy arrives and Abbie thinks she has backup. That is until he knocks her out cold.
 
Ichabod is fighting the Horseman with a shovel. It's not going well. Abbie comes to and disarms Andy. Ichabod grabs the head in a jar and starts running. The Headless Horseman slowly stalks his prey. (Why do these serial killers always walk slowly?) Just then another cop car arrives on the scene and pull their guns on the Horseman. Ah, but the sun is starting to come up. Sunlight is the Horseman's weakness. With a final gun volley at the other cops, the Horseman mounts up and rides away.
 
Abbie decides to put off going to the FBI and stay in Sleepy Hollow. Ichabod shows her more of Revelations in the Bible indicating that they are fated to work together to combat the forces of Hell. Andy is in a jail cell when a blurry figure speaking an unknown language appears. Andy begs for another chance. It doesn't go well.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Scandal Episode 24

The only reason Joo Ran appears to be coming to her enemy's rescue is to drive a wedge between Real Eun Joong and Tae Ha. Eun Joong rushes home but runs into his father first. When he asks to see Hwa Young, Tae Ha tells him the same excuse about her leaving for a couple of days to get some air. Eun Joong asks to at least see her room. Tae Ha sees nothing suspicious about this. All that hair dye must be getting to him.
 
Eun Joong does a quick search of the room, finding his mother's cell phone as well as a locked drawer in the nightstand. We don't get to see if Eun Joong successfully forces the drawer open and if he does, what is in it.
 
Eun Joong comes back to show some pills to Tae Ha, saying he found them on the floor. (I'm not sure if these are the pills Joo Ran gave Eun Joong earlier or if he found them in the locked drawer.) Tae Ha quickly palms the pills and says he'll take care of them. Tae Ha goes back into his bedroom to unlock the drawer and return the pills to the prescription bag. At the same time Eun Joong is snooping around Tae Ha's study and finds all the legal papers Tae Ha forced Hwa Young to put her thumbprint to. There's also a paper about putting someone into a mental hospital.
 
Meanwhile Kang Ho is heading out of town and is being followed by Joo Ran of all people. Joo Ran, I don't know what to make of you. It's like you're almost a hero but you're still a bitch. You're a Hero Bitch.
 
Back at the Ha house the media seems to have called it a night. Myeong Geun has to deal with Soo Young who is all, "How can I show my face in public again?! Die, Dad, Die!"
 
Tae Ha and Eun Joong are having dinner together. Tae Ha promises his son he'll teach Eun Joong all about how to drink wine, how to dress, how to conduct business, how to kill people and get away with it... (No, of course he doesn't say that last bit.) During the meal Eun Joong has a memory of the lunch he had with Myeong Geun when they were handcuffed together.
 
Suddenly they're surprised by Fake Eun Joong dropping by. He asks to speak with Tae Ha after dinner. Tae Ha invites his former son to sit down at the table but says Fake can't eat until after they're done. (I think this is considered a very big insult in Korea. It's an insult in America as well but an even bigger one over there.) Fake speaks up and asks Real how the investigation against their father is going. Real claims he's no longer involved with the case and oddly asks Tae Ha to somehow force Deputy Chief Song off the police force. I thought Song was Eun Joong's ally. What are you up to, boy?
 
Joo Ran has followed Kang Ho to a house outside of town. He's got to take the maid they've hired to the grocery store, allowing Joo Ran time to get into the house and do some searching. She finds a wigged out Hwa Young upstairs. Joo Ran takes out her cell phone and makes a video of Hwa Young to use as blackmail against Tae Ha. So Joo Ran is back to being just a Bitch, not a Hero Bitch.
 
When Kang Ho returns to the Jang house, Eun Joong is smart enough to check the car's GPS to see what it's mapped out lately.
 
Fake Eun Joong shows his former father the gun he stole from Real Eun Joong's backpack. Fake goes on to tell Tae Ha about the missing recording gizmo and how Myeong Geun has only three months to live. Furthermore, if Real really did want to protect Tae Ha then he should have handed over both the recording gizmo and the USB stick. Therefore, Fake warns Tae Ha not to trust his son all that much.
 
Real Eun Joong finds the country house, scares the hired maid off, and finds Hwa Young tied up. He spirits his mother away and takes her to... Myeong Geun's house! Well, I was wondering where he was going to take her. Eun Joong rings the doorbell and then leaves his mother on the step. When Myeong Geun finds Hwa Young, he notices the shoes on her feet are Eun Joong's. (She didn't have any shoes on when Eun Joong grabbed her so he put his own socks and shoes on her.)
 
Joo Ha meets her future bitch-in-law.
 
Tae Ha learns Hwa Young has disappeared.
 
Soo Young (who didn't move out of the house like she screeched she would) and Ah Mi learn they're now out of a job as the law firm has been shut down. (One of the legal things Tae Ha forced Hwa Young to approve.) Ah Mi meets with Fake Eun Joong to ask him what's going on but the shut down is news to him.
 
Real Eun Joong is at the police station looking up his own kidnapping case. His useless partner is talking about shooting practice. A-ha, I think we're about to come full circle with the opening scene.
 
Ah Mi helps Fake come up with a new last name. Now Fake is giving her the Stare of Burgeoning Love. He tries calling his mother but it's Myeong Geun who answers. Fake is too shocked to say anything and now I'm wondering if Myeong Geun thought it was the other Eun Joong calling as to why he answered the phone. All these Eun Joongs can be quite confusing, I admit.
 
Real Eun Joong is sitting outside the station having a flashback to a meeting with Song. Eun Joong admits he's the one who took the important evidence. When Song asks why he did it, we frustratingly don't get to hear Eun Joong's answer. Back to the present (for a brief time at least) Ah Mi finds Eun Joong having his flashback and she has one of her own to the night after his confrontation with Myeong Geun. Ah Mi had gone running after Eun Joong, begging him not to leave. Then she went on to ask for him to be patient with her as someday when she's over her grieving for her dead husband she'd like for Eun Joong to be her next man. She doesn't care if he's the son of a kidnapper or of a murderer. Neither sin has anything to do with Eun Joong himself. She won't let him go through hell by himself and will gladly walk through it with him.
 
 
 
Ah Mi, now I wanna send you a Christmas gift!
 
Next up on the docket is Tae Ha himself coming down to the station to see Eun Joong. He gives his son the medical report on Myeong Geun, testing to see how Eun Joong reacts to the news of Dad #1's eminent death. Eun Joong is able to control himself and appear unfazed by the disclosure. Tae Ha assures Eun Joong that he won't let Myeong Geun get away with anything before dying and that Tae Ha will take care of any revenge.
 
And yes, we're now back to the opening scene with Eun Joong crying on the shooting range, only now there are interspersed memories, good memories, of Myeong Geun and him.
 
So to refresh your memory, Eun Joong takes the loaded gun with him, avoids the cops chasing him, and goes to confront Myeong Geun.
 
But now we have to go to Tae Ha and Kang Ho wondering where Hwa Young is and who took her. For a moment Kang Ho wonders if it was Fake Eun Joong. Speak of the devil, here's Fake now. And devil he is as he lets Tae Ha know Hwa Young is at Myeong Geun's house.
 
Back to the more important stuff. Real Eun Joong, gun in hand, finds Myeong Geun out back watering his weeds. With tears falling like the rain, Eun Joong cocks the hammer. Myeong Geun stands still, doing nothing to avoid what he knows is coming.
 
Out front, an angry Tae Ha is climbing up the (suddenly wet) steps and kicks the door open. He's just coming into the yard when he hears a gunshot.

Three Kingdoms Episode 48

Lu Su has come up with a plan to get Cao Cao and Liu Bei to wrangle, thus enabling Sun Quan's troops to quietly slip into Jing and take over.
 
Lady Wu gets a line! Lady Wu gets a line!
 
For the first part of his plan, Lu Su goes to see Zhou Yu, who is still recovering from his wound. Lu Su reports that Sun Quan has got himself in a bit of a pickle over at Hefei and Zhou Yu must take his men and go save their master. Zhou Yu is reluctant to abandon Jing to his archenemy/ally Liu Bei. Lu Su offers to go and talk to Baby Bouncer if Zhou Yu will take his army north.
 
Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang are both wondering why Sun Quan went to Hefei when they're surprised by Lu Su's visit. Lu Su humbly asks for Jing Province to be returned to the Southland. Zhang Fei starts running his mouth (as usual) prompting Lu Su to remind the gentlemen of how destitute and homeless they were before when they came looking for sustenance and support from Sun Quan. They wouldn't be sitting so pretty right now if not for the Southland. Therefore they owe Wu something.
 
Zhuge Liang points out that Jing was a land grant from the Han emperor to the Liu family back in the day so it was never part of the Southland and Lu Su has no right to ask for something back that was never his in the first place. Liu Bei finally speaks up and explains he took over Jing in order to give it back to Liu Qi. Liu Qi is awfully sick. Lu Su offers up a compromise that as long as Liu Qi is alive then the province is his. But once he dies (and it appears that won't be long from now) the ownership of Jing will once again be up for question.

Being satisfied with this, or at least acting satisfied, Lu Su moves on to his next task. (Will this man's job ever be done?) He goes to meet again with Zhou Yu to convince this hot-head that Liu Qi will probably die in a couple of months so let's just let Jing Province alone for now and concentrate on saving our master. Zhou Yu does order some of his subordinate generals to take their forces to Hefei, but the grand commander himself isn't going. He needs some quality time to sulk - I mean, recover from his injuries. (Has it been raining? Why is their floor wet?)

Lu Su goes to report back to Sun Quan (who was never in any real danger). It's at this meeting where Lu Su dares to first suggest to his master to proclaim himself an emperor since Liu Bei is bound to do the same sooner or later and Cao Cao is practically one already as long as he has control over the real Han emperor. At first Sun Quan chastises Lu Su for speaking such seditious talk. Then he discloses that he's been at least thinking of doing it but for now they should keep their cards close to their chest until they see what Cao Cao and Liu Bei do next.

What Liu Bei does next is to try to annex some cities that haven't been decimated by the recent wars. First on the map is Lingling, overseen by Liu Du. When he hears the enemy is at the gates, Liu Du puts all his money on Xing Daorong to defend the city. Zhuge Liang, riding in some kind of wheel chair (which is no match to Cao Cao's Big Ass Cadillac Of A War Chariot) has brought Zhang Fei and Zhao "I still have only one line" Yun along with him. (Where's Guan Yu? He's mentioned but I haven't actually seen him in quite a while. Was the actor off doing something else?)

Anyway, Xing Daorong swears he'll kill Zhuge Liang himself. Big Fan just smiles and roll retreats back into his army which is forming a sort of labyrinth. Are we going to get a battle scene? I hope we get a battle scene. Xing Daorong totally falls for this and rides into the man made maze. Zhuge Liang plays hide and seek, "Here I am, Fatboy. Come and get me," drawing the warrior deeper and deeper into enemy territory.

Zhang Fei cuts Xing Daorong off at the pass and easily disarms the doofus. Then up rides Zhao Yun who smacks the horse and rider down. Hey, what did that horse ever do to you? Xing Daorong is taken into custody and brought before Liu Bei, who is wearing armor although he didn't do a dang thing during this skirmish. Liu Bei orders the enemy general to be taken out and beheaded. Xing Daorong starts crying about having an elderly mother. He's got a wife and kids to support. Spare me!

Big Fan finally speaks and says he'll ask for Xing's life but what will Xing do for them in return? Xing doesn't hesitate to turn against his boss, Liu Du, and promises to help Liu Bei by working from the inside and opening the gates for them tonight. Liu Bei lets Xing although he doesn't trust the turncoat and suspects he'll try to lead them into a trap.  

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Scandal Episode 23

Jang Tae Ha forgets all about the press conference he was going to as he leads Real Eun Joong back into the house. At least he does get down on his knees to beg his son for forgiveness. Eun Joong is like, "Fuggedaboutit." He wants to start living as Tae Ha's son and to exact revenge on Myeong Geun for kidnapping him.
 
(I sure hope this is all part of a plan. I'm theorizing about the opening scene of this show now. The one where Eun Joong faced Myeong Geun with a gun. Perhaps Tae Ha has ordered Eun Joong, as proof of filial piety, to go shoot Myeong Geun and that's why Eun Joong is crying. Just a theory right now.)
 
Eun Joong wants to greet Hwa Young but Tae Ha makes excuses about her being ill and asleep right now. Joo Ha wonders at her brother's real reason for wanting to come to the Jang House. Eun Joong answers that he wants to be chairman of the Taeha Group; all that wealth and power will be his. This is not something Joo Ha wants to hear as she wants all that wealth and power to be hers.
 
Just then Fake Formerly Known As Jang Eun Joong shows up. Fake and Real go out for some soju. Poor Fake really is poor. Without a social security number he can't practice as a lawyer, can't buy anyplace to live, and has had to cancel all his credit cards. It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for him. Except for the fact he was totally down with Tae Ha killing Real Eun Joong.
 
During all this pity party, Real Eun Joong gets a call from Deputy Chief Song (no longer Whatshisname) and goes outside to talk. While gone, Fake takes it upon himself to search Real's backpack.
 
Chief Song is upset the gun and the recording gizmo are missing. Real Eun Joong lies and says he didn't take it. At the same time Fake finds the gun in the backpack. When Real returns to the table Fake is nervously drinking his soju and wondering if Real is going to protect or attack Tae Ha.
 
Chief Song then goes to the Ha house to tell Myeong Geun about the missing gun and gizmo. Before it disappeared the Chief had a chance to listen to the recording so he knows not only is Tae Ha's voice on it but also Myeong Geun's when he was confessing Eun Joong was the other's son. Song worries about whether or not Eun Joong has the gizmo and has listened to it.
 
Woo Ah Mi is coming home from the dry cleaners to find Real Eun Joong gazing longingly up the steep steps to the Ha house, his former home. She tries to grab his arm and drag him inside but he pushes her hand away. (He's getting good at that.) Eun Joong warns her not to touch him or else he might do something scandalous like hug her. How risqué!
 
With Hwa Young spaced out on her drugs, Tae Ha makes her press her thumbprint to some legal documents that will transfer everything of hers to him. He's interrupted by Joo Ha who has come to beg him to allow Fake Eun Joong to stay in the house. Instead Tae Ha goes to help Fake pack. When Fake asks to take one little family photo with him, Tae Ha practically pulls it out of his hand. C'mon, you can't let him have one picture? Ass.
 
With steely determination in his eyes, Real Eun Joong goes in to face Myeong Geun. He contemptuously throws down his ID cards, telling Dad #1 to get rid of them since they are of someone who doesn't exist. Without looking at him, Myeong Geun shoves a box over and tells Eun Joong to take these things and give them to the Jang's. It's all of Eun Joong's childhood clothes and mementos. Eun Joong tells him to just burn it all. Still thinking it's best to have Eun Joong hate him, Myeong Geun acts like he's glad to be relieved of his not-son. Oh, the pain.
 
Eun Joong goes to say goodbye to his not-sister. I still can't believe Soo Young continues to be in the dark about things but she is. When she asks what's with the backpack, is he going somewhere, Eun Joong ends up lying and saying he's going on a long stakeout and won't be back for awhile. He gives her a hug and ack, there's that sad song again. You're killin' me, Show. You're killin' me.
 
 
Joo Ha finds Hwa Young has gone missing. Tae Ha acts like his wife left him a note saying she needed some fresh air and will be gone for a few days. Think, Joo Ha, think! What mother whose long-lost son has just been found leaves for some fresh air?
 
Real Eun Joong is at his desk at the police station when he sees Jang Tae Ha on the TV talking about the kidnapping and all. Outside, Fake Eun Joong subtly takes a hammer and breaks Real's car window in order to reach into the backpack and steal the gun. Really, Real, you should have put that thing somewhere safe.
 
Business talk...Jin Woong buying land...blah, blah, blah.
 
Joo Ran makes her first appearance (near the end of the episode) and she voices what I just said about it being strange Hwa Young would have left at a time like this. She's poking around the bedroom (because Joo Ran loves trespassing when nobody is home) and finds a couple of the pills Tae Ha was feeding his wife. Curious, Joo Ran takes the pills to a pharmacist and has them identified as medication for schizophrenia. Is Joo Ran really going to save the day? I doubt it.
 
Now that Tae Ha has had his television interview, the wolves press are gathering outside of the Ha house shouting for Myeong Geun to come out and answer their questions. Ah Mi and Soo Young are coming home from work and Soo Young is wondering what all the hullabaloo is about. Ah Mi goes up to beg the reporters to go away. When they ask if she's the "kidnapper's daughter," Ah Mi says yes in order to shield Soo Young.
 
Then Myeong Geun comes out and admits he was the kidnapper from 1988 and if he had it to do all over again he would do the same. Soo Young looks on in horror.
 
Real Eun Joong discovers his car was broken into and the gun was stolen. Ah, but he was hiding the gizmo in his desk inside. At least he still has that. It's while he sitting at his desk that Joo Ran comes in to file a missing person report on Hwa Young, showing Eun Joong the pills his father has been slipping his mother.
 
So... she really is going to save the day? I still doubt it. Joo Ran's up to something, I just don't know what.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Ironside Episode 1

As usual Hollywood can't come up with a new idea so they rob the vault of an old one. Here Blair Underwood takes over the iconic role of the crime sleuth Ironside originally played by Raymond Burr back in the day.
 
 
 
The show opens on a dark night. A frumpy guy named Lucas is manhandled into the backseat of a car. He is soon joined by Detective Robert Ironside, meaning the manhandling was done by the police and in the Real World would mean a lawsuit but this isn't the Real World.
 
Despite being paralyzed from the waist down, Ironside shows he's far from helpless as he smacks Lucas around (Lawsuit! Lawsuit!) while demanding to know the whereabouts of a missing 10-year-old girl. Lucas weakly threatens the cop with a knife. Ironside simply takes the knife away, smacks Lucas some more, then kindly returns the weapon. Where's the girl? Lucas starts to cry and mutters "RST317" over and over.
 
By now the rest of Ironside's crew show up. Ironside recognizes what Lucas is saying is a license plate number and orders his crew to start searching the other cars in the parking lot. While they're off doing that, Ironside's superior, Ed, comes over to the car to give the required "You need to stop being a lone wolf and playing by your own rules" speech. Ironside's answer to that is the discovery of the missing girl, alive, in a car's trunk.
 
Now to our main mystery. A beautiful and successful woman is found dead on the sidewalk in front of her office building. Did she jump or was she pushed? Only Ironside and his team can find out.
 
The dead woman is Annie Ryan. She worked for Mullen Financial. The company had been throwing a party last night to celebrate a big deal. No one noticed Annie was missing/dead until this morning. Ironside starts asking Annie's boss, Bill Broughton, about his employee. Who were her friends? Who was she having sex with? Was it you, Bill?
 
Next Detective Ironside goes to search Annie's desk. He finds an application for the New York Marathon, lots of pictures of Annie with her sister Rachel, and a locket with pictures inside of her and sis when they were little girls. Ironside takes the locket with him because that's totally not unethical or illegal. 
 
Ironside sends two of his guys to search Annie's apartment. Virgil is the cop who manhandled Lucas from the beginning. Virgil is aggressive and also plays by his own rules. This probably stems from him being named Virgil. Teddy is a former investment banker turned cop, because investment bankers and cops are practically the same thing, right? Right.
 
While searching-slash-trashing the apartment, the cops discover some financial files from her office as well as pornographic pictures of her with other people. Holly, the only female on Ironside's team and his right hand woman, shows the pictures to a helpful pimp. He explains these pictures are from what are called "flower parties" (back in my day we called them "orgies") and points Holly in the direction of Albanian gangsters.
 
The next person to be questioned is Amanda Rousch. She was training Annie for the marathon and mentions her client's boyfriend, Zamir Kraji, was a pretty tough character. (As the cops are leaving, Amanda has sort of a smile on her face. The show never does explain this. She just found out Annie was dead. Why is she smiling?)
 
Teddy and Virgil go to question Zamir, an Albanian immigrant with a rap sheet. When the cops illegally enter the apartment it is to find Zamir (fighting so hard not to type Zamfir) on the couch. There's one of the racy pictures of Annie pinned to his chest... with a butcher knife. The coroner later reports Zamir has been dead at least three days, meaning he died before Annie's fall.
 
However Zamir's killer left all sorts of prints and DNA at the crime scene and the cops easily track down Zamir's cousin, Alek Carcani. They've got him for Zamir but Alek won't say anything about Annie.
 
Ironside goes back to question Bill Broughton again. The detective theorizes it was Bill who sent Annie to all those "flower parties" to keep the company's rich customers happy. Bill won't say anything.
 
Ironside is working out at his apartment when he has a breakthrough. He calls his team for a brainstorming. They figure Annie and Zamir hooked up at one of these sex parties. Annie convinced Zamir to let her launder his drug money through her company. Part of this money was Alek's but he had been left out of the loop. Annie did a terrible job of laundering and lost half the money. Alek found out what Annie and his cousin had done and he was very, very pissed. Pissed enough to kill.
 
The brainstorming is interrupted when the team receives word that Rachel, Annie's sister, has taken Bill Broughton hostage. Ironside and Holly go over to try and talk Rachel out of doing anything stupid. When they fail, Ironside orders Holly to shoot Broughton in the leg. When Broughton falls, this allows the other cops to move in and safely disarm Rachel.
 
Broughton was only nicked by the bullet and has been brought in to be questioned. Ironside figures that it was Broughton who discovered the Albanian's account Annie was handling. Bill was able to break into it and he was the one who stole half the assets. In order to keep the spotlight off of him, Bill gave the racy pictures of Annie to Alek and told the gangster what she and Zamir had done with Alek's money. Ironside suggests Broughton confess to money laundering so he can have a couple of safe years in prison away from the vengeful and murderous Alek.
 
As for Annie...
 
Turns out it was a suicide after all. She found her dead boyfriend in his apartment and carried away all the dirty photos of her (except for the one pinned to his chest by the butcher knife). The pressure got to her and Annie cracked. Not wanting to sully the memory of her sister, Annie took off her locket and left it on her desk before going up to the roof and jumping.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Le Jun Kai Episode 9

Well, since I started the thing and since the episode is short I guess I should bookend the show with the finale. Wondering what happened between Episode 2 and now? Not much, really. Lots and lots of flashbacks showing us that Le Jun Kai was just as big an ass back in the day as he is in the present. Ass. Ass ass ass ass ass ass.
 
After getting a test done to prove Tian Tian is truly his, Jun Kai demands his son back. At first Li Ye refuses him but then she steps back and takes a long look at the hard scrabble life she is forcing her chubby chubbs to endure. Li Ye makes a mother's sacrifice and turns Tian Tian over to his father (who continues to be an ass) because at least this way her son will be warm, well fed, and have a chance at a good education. Jun Kai's sister proves what a useless caregiver she is by promptly losing her nephew. The boy is found by villain Lei Lun who abducts Tian Tian and ties him to a forklift. (It's supposed to be a dramatic moment but some of us couldn't help but laugh.)
 
When she learns about her son's disappearance, Li Ye miraculously grows a backbone and bitch slaps Jun Kai for losing Tian Tian. Unfortunately she goes right back to being a wet noodle. Jun Kae plans to go alone to meet with Lei Lun and tells Li Ye to stay right here. Of course she has to mess up his plans and follow him to the warehouse where Lei Lun and his lawn chair are waiting.
 
 
 
And now the end of Le Jun Kai.
 
 
Lei Lun has a contract spread out on top of a crate. With Tian Tian tied to the forklift, the villain orders Jun Kai to sign away his business or else it will be curtains for the kid. (I'm still not sure what this business exactly is, only that it involves Jackie Chan.) Jun Kai takes the pen Lei Lun offered and rams the writing utensil clear through the villain's hand. Gosh, Jun Kai - you'd be cool if you weren't such an ass.
 
To keep the other goons off his back, Jun Kai rips the pen free and now holds it menacingly at Lei Lun's throat. And here comes Li Ye to ruin everything and get captured by the goons. Not wanting her to get hurt, Jun Kai reluctantly releases Lei Lun. Meanwhile Jun Kai's useless sister and his right hand man are sneaking around elsewhere in the warehouse. Right Hand Man proves his worth by unleashing his ninja skills on a couple of thugs and goes on to rescue Tian Tian from the forklift.
 
 
 
 
And now we're back to the beginning when we first met Le Jun Kai as he was getting a beat down while Li Ye cried out helplessly. Jun Kai offers to give over everything if they'll let Li Ye go. Lei Lun says he do anything he wants to any woman Jun Kai ever loved. Suddenly it's all clear to Jun Kai. It was Lei Lun all those years ago who killed his first wife, not Li Ye's father. After another short beating this is the part where Lei Lun informs him how Li Ye knew all along that Jun Kai killed her father yet she still married him.
 
Suddenly Useless Sister and Right Hand Man stumble upon the scene. Right Hand Man wants to come to Jun Kai's defense but Li Ye screams for them to get Tian Tian out of there. The other goons start to go after this group which allows Jun Kai time to leap up and start giving Lei Lun a beating of his own.
 
As Jun Kai stumbles towards Li Ye he thinks back to all the times he's been an absolute bastard to her (and that's quite a lot, thank you) while also enduring various blows from hired extras, including a foam pipe blow to the head. Are these guys armed with Nerf weapons?
 
As he finally makes his way to his ex-wife, Jun Kai at least apologizes to her. A tearful Li Ye holds him in her arms, easily forgiving him for all the shit he's put her through. Suddenly (and not too clearly) Lei Lun rises up behind the couple and does.... something ... to Jun Kai. Jun Kai falls to the floor. Lei Lun is reaching for a very long knife/very short sword/somewhere in between when Li Ye reaches it first and has her second moment of glory when she slashes the villain's throat.
 
Jun Kai and Li Ye decide this is a good time to have a long conversation about their son. Jun Kai says it will take the both of them to raise the teletubby which is his way of asking her to come back to him. He reaches out to stroke her cheek as he professes his love for her.
 
 
Then he drops dead.
 
 
 
 
The End