Innocent Lilies 2 Episode 5

 

Japanese Blonde Girl wakes up to find herself back in the Ouran High School Host Club room. Drum Major Boy and the band start to explain their plans for world renewal. With Japanese Blonde Girl's help, they'll simply wipe out the existing human race and start all over with newer, better humans. Drum Major Boy had tried to do this once before with his original witch, Aqua, but she locked herself away and separated her power into Black and White. Japanese Blonde Girl doesn't seem to have any problem with being the mother to a new world order.

 

Badminton Girl, left behind down in the parking garage, doesn't know what is going on or what to do. The spirit of Rina appears before the girl, urging Badminton Girl to get her ass in gear and go wake up Aqua. She's conveniently located beneath Black Witch Academy.

 

While Badminton Girl races to save the day, Drum Major Boy and Japanese Blonde Girl go through a ceremony involving lots of apples. Before the spell can be concluded, though, they're interrupted by the arrival of Aqua. She tells Japanese Blonde Girl to snap out of it and not to trust Drum Major Boy. Japanese Blonde Girl is confused and doesn't know what to believe.

 

Thank goodness, here comes Badminton Girl to talk some further sense into Japanese Blonde Girl. Oh no! The band mates kill Badminton Girl! And here I was just saying how much I liked her. Her death is not in vain, though, as Japanese Blonde Girl realizes what an ass Drum Major Boy is. 

 

 

This realization gifts Japanese Blonde Girl with not only another new outfit but a new hairdo as well. She also now has the power to summon the spirits of her dead friends to fight at her side.

 

Drum Major Boy puts on his battle mask as the epic War Between The Sexes begins. While the dead girls take care of the band mates, Japanese Blonde Girl faces Drum Major Boy. His white go-go boots are no match for the powers of peroxide.

Somewhere in the afterlife/Mars/Yggdrasil, all of Japanese Blonde Girl's dead friends get to hang out together and have tea.

Innocent Lilies 2 Episode 1

Remember that show Innocent Lilies? I understand if you don't. I'd like to block it from my mind myself. Well it seems the show must have made some money somewhere because Japan has made a sequel. And for some reason I'm watching it.

 

 

The porn-lite tradition continues as the show dips its toe into Fifty Shades territory. A young girl (in requisite sailor outfit) is bound by restraints. She's surrounded by other witches, these dressed in black, as they chant for power. When the laser light show begins, all the black witches bite their fingers to contribute a drop of blood to the ceremony. Their human sacrifice explodes but the results aren't what the Black Witches were hoping for. They need a more powerful White Witch for an offering.

 

And there she is, Japanese Blonde Girl, kicking a bunch of guys around as feathers fly off her costume. To finish them off, Japanese Blonde Girl says the magic words and makes...  wait, is that a parasol? Did she just summon an umbrella as her weapon of choice? Whatever, it works and the guys are no longer a part of the story.

 

Changing back into her normal sailor school outfit, Japanese Blonde Girl is joined by Annoying Girl. Annoying Girl no longer has her witchy powers and can do nothing now but receive text alerts as to where other young girls are being bullied.

 

The Fifty Shades Girls are beating up on one lone white witch. One of the Black Witches has a whip, another one a fan with deadly spikes. The third one has... a hand puppet. A hand puppet.

 

 

Just as they're about to take their new sacrifice away, Japanese Blonde Girl arrives on the scene. After binding the Fifty Shades Girls with her red tentacles, Japanese Blonde Girl reaches to grab the wrist of the Bullied Witch. The touch causes Japanese Blonde Girl to flashback to season one and images of her villainous sister, Hoodie.

Anyway, the White Witches run off. Eventually the Black Witches break free of their Twizzler restraints and swear to capture their ultimate sacrifice. Off to the side a drum major looks on. Further unrelated images show us a girl on a rooftop playing badminton with herself in honor of someone named Rina.

Opening credits.

Japanese Blonde Girl and Annoying Girl take Bullied Witch back to their secret base (also known as a warehouse) in order to tend to her wounds. Oh, Bullied Witch introduces herself as the Rina who didn't make it to her badminton game up on the roof. She explains she had been attending another white witch academy when those Black Witches suddenly showed up and started hunting them.

Talking about the Black Witches makes them appear at the hideout. Whip Girl explains how superior Black is to White and how they will eventually rule the world. So they're like Nazi Witches.

The Black Witches go through their Sailor Moon transformations and change into their Fifty Shades leather outfits. Japanese Blonde Girl starts to change herself when Rina comes running over and stops her. Rina says this is her fight and now it's her turn to protect her protector. She does her own transformation and Japanese Blonde Girl is shocked to see Rina has the same elaborate angel outfit.

Rina, who was earlier being beaten up, is now the one doing the beating all by herself. Some wonder why she didn't do this before.

During the fight Puppet Girl pulls a bow and arrow out of her butt. (Hey, if the Sims can do it, why not Nazi Witches.) Annoying Girl valiantly leaps in front of Rina and takes the arrow. Distracted by Annoying Girl's death, the Fifty Shades Girls capture Rina. Japanese Blonde Girl is too weak to transform and is about to fall to the ground in a faint when she's caught by Drum Major Boy. He introduces himself as Tera right before Japanese Blonde Girl passes out.


So unlike season one this season will have a cast of ten! We've got white witches, black witches, and possibly male witches.

Innocent Lilies 2 Episode 4

The Black Witches have Rina tied up as they begin their ritual. Meanwhile down in the parking garage, Badminton Girl whines to Drum Major Boy about why isn't he rescuing Rina. (Although her voice is very whiney, I must say I kind of like Badminton Girl.) Before they get very far, the trio are confronted by Japanese Blonde Girl's dead-now-alive schoolmates. Drum Major Boy quickly makes tracks (in his rockin' white go-go boots) and disappears.

 

Japanese Blonde Girl prepares for battle with her zombie friends by transforming into her angel outfit. Badminton Girl tries to intercede only to realize at the last second, "Hey, I ain't no witch and I ain't got no weapons." Rina, feeling the pain of both Japanese Blonde Girl and Badminton Girl, appears to reach the pinnacle of the Black Witch ritual.

 

Japanese Blonde Girl casts a massive spell that frees the dead girls from the evil that controls them. Apologies all around. Sorry for trying to kill you and all that. After renewing their old pinky pledge of friendship, the dead girls explode.

Back at the black magic bat mitzvah, all the pain Rina has been experiencing through her friends causes her to transform. The black witches are extremely pleased with the results and think they'll be able to use Rina for their own nefarious plans. Rina's having none of that and transports herself to the parking garage where Japanese Blonde Girl is having a mental breakdown.

Blaming herself for the (second) death of her friends, Japanese Blonde Girl turns into a black witch. The other Black Witches show up and start to celebrate Japanese Blonde Girl's turning to the dark side. The celebration is cut short when Japanese Blonde Girl starts wiping the floor with them. She starts to go after Whip Girl, the apparent leader, when she's stopped by Drum Major Boy and his two band mates who have come to protect Whip Girl.

Rina tries to get her friend to calm down. Japanese Blonde Girl attacks. This gives the black witches time to change into their Fifty Shades bondage outfits. At this point Japanese Blonde Girl is simply attacking anyone who moves whether they be friend or foe. Rina tries once again to get Japanese Blonde Girl to come to her senses. It takes all of her strength but eventually Rina is able to drive the darkness out of the other girl's heart. This spiritual rebirth grants Japanese Blonde Girl a new outfit.

Oh no! This was all too much for Rina and she's dies.

The Fifty Shades girls are back to thinking they have the ultimate witch to use as their tool. This is when Drum Major Boy and his band mates suddenly turn and attack the Fifty Shades. They take possession of Japanese Blonde Girl and carry her away to use her for their own purposes.

Innocent Lilies 2 Episode 3

 

Japanese Blonde Girl and Badminton Girl are being held in a prison cell. The Black Witches come by to gloat and to introduce some special guests. It's the cast from season 1! There's Cat Ear Girl, Nerdy Girl, even Annoying Girl who just died. The Black Witches used their magic to bring the dead back to life. They knew it would bring pain to Japanese Blonde Girl. Because she's an empath, Rina will feel Japanese Blonde Girl's pain which will somehow make Rina strong enough for the Black Witches' ritual.

 

Japanese Blonde Girl (Why is she so sweaty?) is tied up while her former dead friends slap and punch her. 

 

 

 

This goes on for some time. Elsewhere, Rina writhes in sympathy pain until she reaches critical mass. Satisfied with their results, Puppet Girl and Fan Girl eagerly lick Japanese Blonde Girl's face for her tears of pain. Done with her, they put Japanese Blonde Girl back into her cell. This gives Badminton Girl the time to tell her and Rina's backstory.

 

The two prisoners are bonding when suddenly Drum Major Boy breaks into their cell and helps them escape. Whip Girl doesn't seemed too concerned about it. They still have Rina. Prepare everything for the ritual!

 

Outside in an alleyway, Japanese Blonde Girl hears the singing again. Drum Major Boy explains it comes from the origins of witches. Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a girl witch and a boy witch. They lived together in paradise until one day the girl witch committed a sin. Feeling guilty, the girl witch imprisoned herself within a powerful spell, one the boy witch was never able to break.

 

End of story time.

  

Innocent Lilies 2 Episode 2

 

Wearing a disguise (which includes an eye patch for some reason), Japanese Blonde Girl proceeds to go undercover at the Black Witch Academy so she can rescue Rina. Greeting her at the door is Badminton Girl whom we saw briefly in the previous episode. Watching from afar is Drum Major Boy. He flashes back to when he took Japanese Blonde Girl to the Ouran High School Host Club room to recover from her faint. He's the one who told her about the open enrollment at Black Witch Academy.

 

 

Back to the present, Drum Major Boy is joined by two other band members. Tera enjoys an apple. Wait, does this mean Drum Major Boy is also a student at Black Witch Academy? I'm confused already.

 

Whip Girl gives her opening speech to the school's new recruits. She explains how women are superior to men, black superior to white. All you have to do is lick someone's tears of pain in order to gain power. I have a bad feeling there's going to be a lot of licking in this show.

 

 

Their first lesson begins as a test subject (also known as a sweaty fat guy) is brought in. The students are ordered to beat test subject up. One of them is quite eager to get her slap on. Ugh, just as I feared, she leans in to lick the fat guy's cheek. This licking causes the girl to earn her Black Rose, a tattoo that comes and goes, as well as a large plastic-looking halberd.

 

This inspires another girl to eagerly join in the beating and licking. Her reward is a curtain rod. Well, that's what it looks like. In the background, Badminton Girl looks on in horror. Japanese Blonde Girl tries to make friends but Badminton Girl is a lone wolf.

 

While snooping around the academy, Japanese Blonde Girl hears someone singing but can't locate the source. For some reason this brings on a recap of season one.

 

The Black Witches go to check up on a bound Rina and update her on the history of white people burning witches. Outside the door, Badminton Girl and Japanese Blonde Girl eavesdrop. They wait for the Black Witches to depart before rushing into the room to save Rina. Japanese Blonde Girl must take off her disguise in order to use her powers to break the bonds.

 

The Black Witches come back into the room. They knew Japanese Blonde Girl would come and try to save Rina. Japanese Blonde Girl transforms fully into angel-mode as the battle commences. Badminton Girl also fights back while Rina just stands there. (I still don't trust Rina.) Our heroines are knocked down and out and taken prisoner.

Innocent Lilies - The End To End All Ends

Once again I'm waiting for dinner to finish cooking, so once more unto the breach, dear friends.

 

 

 

As you may (or may not) recall from the last ten minutes, Nerdy Girl was about to be attacked when suddenly Bat Shit Crazy Girl was colorized in reverse. Mikumo explains to the dwindling survivors that this is what happens to newbies who exhaust their powers. Now Bat Shit Crazy Girl will put away with the rest of the albino zombies.

 

Mikumo gets all snuggly with Nerdy Girl, once again advising the new student to kill the other girls. Mikumo strokes Nerdy's hair and.... licks her earlobe while encouraging Nerdy to fight. The prize for the winner apparently being Mikumo herself.

 

Okay, are we back to Japanese Cinemax After Dark?

 

Nerdy Girl lashes out with her magic tentacles. But by this time all this drama has caused Blonde Japanese Girl's own powers to awaken and she strikes back. Nerdy is knocked back hard on the stairs, blood pooling beneath her head. Blondie slowly walks up to see if Nerdy is dead or not.

 

She's not.

 

Nerdy Girl grabs Blonde Japanese Girl by the throat and starts choking the life out of her rival. Blondie is starting to pass out when Clumsy Girl finally does something and unleashes her Heartburn of Revenge. Nerdy Girl is engulfed in flames, turns black and explodes.

 

And then there were two. Blonde Japanese Girl and Clumsy Girl quickly retreat from Mikumo. They end up somewhere outside. Clumsy Girl echoes the very words of Suicide Girl in wishing to die because life is too tough. Blondie feels they have time for her to confess the story of her and Suicide Girl. Blondie knew her sister was being bullied. Suicide Girl even begged for Blondie to help her. But Blondie did nothing. After Suicide Girl ran away, Blondie fell into a deep depression. It was during this time that she discovered the White Witch Academy dot com and took their entrance exam.

 

Apparently this story and the arrival of the senior girls is enough to convince Clumsy Girl that now she wants to burn Blonde Japanese Girl to a cinder. So let this be a lesson to you, kids: don't tell boring stories about your childhood or someone will try to kill you.

 

Japanese Blonde Girl quickly zigs and zags, avoiding Clumsy Girl's Acid Reflux of Evil. Blondie demands to know why her friend has turned on her. Clumsy Girl comes clean and admits she's always hated Blondie and was simply using her all this time. Blondie doesn't want to believe what Clumsy is saying.

 

Clumsy Girl sends a powerful burst of inferno at her roommate. Japanese Blonde Girl is able to summon her own power and knocks Clumsy back. Clumsy Girl starts to fall backwards... onto a pile of jagged tree limbs! She's impaled! I did not see that coming.

 

A dying Clumsy Girl admits she was just saying all those hurtful things to try and make Japanese Blonde Girl more powerful. We have a Cinemax flashback of Clumsy Girl being sexually abused by a repulsive tongue-flapping dude with a camera who may have been her teacher. If that wasn't enough, Clumsy Girl's stepfather was also feeling her up under the dinner table.

 

Clumsy Girl, who's taking an awfully long time to die, thanks Japanese Blonde Girl for being the first person to ever come to Clumsy's aid. With her teeth red and her face covered in blood, Clumsy has one last request: will Blondie kiss her? She's never been kissed before and doesn't want to die a mouth virgin. Blondie (without bothering to wipe the blood away) concedes.

 

Clumsy Girl finally gets around to dying. Japanese Blonde Girl emits a shrill screech of pain. This causes her very own angel wings to sprout out and a bright light bestows a new costume on our heroine.

 

The senior girls walk up to congratulate Blondie on being the whitest of the white. Blondie starts giggling like a maniac. It's Bat Shit Crazy Girl, Part 2!

 

Zip to another scene. The senior girls are with Blondie (who is now wearing nothing but a robe) back in the chapel. Hoodie approaches bearing white lilies. She's introduced as the academy's student president. Hoodie pulls back her hood to reveal she's Suicide Girl.

 

Suicide Girl became the supreme white witch at the academy, sending bullies to the Shadowrealm left and right. Yet she didn't feel fulfilled. Realizing the world wasn't changing any, Suicide Girl came up with Project Innocent Lilies in order to increase the number of white witches so they can take over the world and guide people to the Age of Aquarius whether they like it or not. Won't Blondie join them?

 

The answer is no.

 

Japanese Blonde Girl disrobes before the assembly. Her extremely skinny and pale body is covered in wounds. These are the wounds she felt of other people's pain. In other words she has absorbed the magical powers of all the other dead newbies. Thank goodness Blondie's own magic powers puts some clothes back on her.

 

Kikula attacks first, pulling her flintlock gun out of her thigh and firing. Blondie summons the Sword of Cat Ear Girl and uses it to knock away the magic bullets. When Kikula runs out of ammo, Japanese Blonde Girl slices her with the sword. Kikula goes the way of the others by exploding.

 

Now it's Surgical Mask Girl and Mikumo's turn. Two against one. Unfortunately the cameraman wants to concentrate on filming the girls' frilly underwear instead of giving us a decent fight scene.

 

Seeing her two minions are getting their collective asses kicked, Suicide Girl decides it is time for her to get into the fray. Calling upon her own witch powers, Suicide Girl unfurls her wings and is armed with her witch weapon - a parasol. This isn't just any parasol. It's the Parasol of Power!

 

First things first, though, and Suicide Girl kills her two faithful lapdogs in order to increase her own power for her fight to the death with her sister. Using her parasol, Suicide Girl knocks the Sword of Cat Ear Girl out of Blondie's hand. Bet you're not laughing at her umbrella now, are you?

 

Japanese Blonde Girl now calls upon Annoying Girl's magical staff, using it to knock Suicide Girl across the room. She also tries Nerdy Girl's tentacles but, just as they were for Nerdy, they prove to be practically useless. Suicide Girl's Parasol of Power is able to deflect her sister's flamethrower.

 

Now they're up in the air, throwing everything they've got against each other. With one last apology for not being there for her sister, Japanese Blonde Girl sends a major blast to knock Suicide Girl's wings off.

 

Suicide Girl falls to the blackened ground below. (Maybe they are in the Shadowrealm.) Japanese Blonde Girl lands and begs her sister, who now has white hair (but still black eyebrows), for forgiveness. Suicide Girl dies, but unlike the others she doesn't explode. Her ashes gracefully fly away in the wind. It's actually quite pretty.

 

Japanese Blonde Girl goes to the basement where all the albino zombies are kept. Using her magic powers, Blondie heals the former students, which includes Annoying Girl. Blondie explains to Annoying how she's going to save the girls of the world who are suffering by absorbing their wounds. With a final torch to the White Witch Academy, Japanese Blonde Girl takes flight.

 

 

 

 

I just don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for this, Japan.



Innocent Lilies Episode 7

I've been waffling on whether or not to finish this... this... I don't know what the hell this thing is. But since supper is not ready yet and this is only thirteen minutes long - TaDa! Episode 7

 

 

 

 

 

Hoodie and the other seniors are watching the Japanese Hunger Games on I Spy With My Little Eye network. Look, somehow they're remote viewing the other girls but I don't know nor care how.

 

Annoying Girl, with a crazed look in her eyes (well, crazier than usual), uses her magic baton to blast her schoolmates to the ground. If this were anime it would look really cool. Blonde Japanese Girl jumps up and rushes Annoying Girl, wrestling the staff away. Good job, Blondie.

 

Without any magical weapons, the two girls resort to tried and true bitch slapping. Blondie grabs Annoying by the arm and slings the girl face first into the corner of a building. The next camera shot is between Annoying's spread legs when suddenly blood starts pouring to the ground. I'm not the only person who thought for a second that Annoying just started her period. When it comes to this show I wouldn't have put it past them.

 

But no, the blood is pouring out of Annoying's head wound. The other girls try to physically restrain her but Annoying easily throws them off. Annoying is certifiable bat-shit crazy has she laughingly declares she still loves everybody, that's why she's going to kill them.

 

Cat Ear Girl, the one who got Annoying's staff after Blondie disarmed her, runs inside to hide somewhere. While cowering for her life, she flashes back to her own dumpy life. Annoying comes looking for her in the kitchen. Worst place to hide, IMO. Kitchen = knives. Cat Ear does a terrible job of hiding and Annoying quickly finds her. Annoying throws a bottle of nail polish at her (hey, that would hurt) causing Cat Ear to drop the staff.

 

The remaining (wounded) girls hear screams and go running towards the kitchen. Annoying is using her staff to beat the stuffing out of Cat Ear. The other girls arrive just as Cat Ear Girl turns black and explodes. Annoying Girl cackles to high heaven.

 

Blondie, Clumsy Girl and Nerdy Girl high-tail it out of there. Nerdy wants to stand and fight but Blondie wants to find another way to survive. Nerdy is like, "Fine. I'll go fight on my own." She leaves the group to go find the senior girls and beg for help. As they're talking out in the hall, Bat Shit Crazy Girl catches up to Nerdy. The seniors urge Nerdy to fight back.

 

Nerdy tries to use her magical tentacles to strangle the other girl but you can't beat the powers of bat shit crazy. As Nerdy begs for her life, Bat Shit Crazy Girl starts to take aim with her staff when something happens. She grabs her throat, complaining how it hurts to kill someone. Black smoke seeps from her body, taking away all the color.

 

Bat Shit Crazy Girl is now an albino zombie.

Innocent Lilies Episode 4 - 6

It's another day and another chance to watch Japanese Cinemax After Dark.

 

 

 

The senior girls break it to the class that Klingon Girl has "dropped out" of the Academy. Klingon Girl's cohort, Angry Girl, demands to know who ratted the (dead) student out. Nerdy Girl can't stand the pressure any longer and confesses. She then has a freak out which unleashes her red tentacles.

 

Nerdy Girl wakes up in the school's clinic with Clumsy Girl at her bedside. The other classmates, what's left of them, also come to visit. Blonde Japanese Girl hangs back as she thinks about Suicide Girl. Nerdy Girl feels well enough to join the others for more training. There's not much ogling this time as half the students are forced to piggyback the other half. Nerdy Girl is saddled with Angry Girl riding her.

 

(Ya know, back in my day witches learned to cast spells and brew up potions, not train for a decathlon.)

 

That evening as they're all lounging around in their skimpy white lingerie, Clumsy Girl worries aloud about not having any powers yet. What if she can't become a White Witch? Cat Ear Girl proclaims if she can't be a White Witch she'll simply die. Still thinking about Suicide Girl, Blonde Japanese Girl jumps on Cat Ear Girl's case and begs the other girl to never say anything like that, even in jest. Annoying Girl paints everyone's pinkie claiming it will make their wishes come true.

 

The senior girls are all catering to Hoodie's needs. Hoodie asks after the potential empath in the group. Mikumo reports the empath hasn't "awakened" to her powers yet. Hoodie orders the class to be made to suffer even more.

 

Said suffering seems to involve bunny rabbits. The students are tasked with taking care of the animals.

 

Somebody flashes back to that damn alleyway. The one bloodied woman who had been knocked around is now joined by two other tough women. An angel appears. Bloodied Woman takes out a knife and the girl gang attacks. Silly women - of course you're going to get your ass kicked by one angel. The angel uses her magical weapon to make all three women turn black and explode.

 

The students return to the rabbit hatch to discover all the innocent bunnies have been savagely ripped apart. The sight of the slaughter at least causes Clumsy Girl to erupt with her magic power as CGI flames burst out of her chest. The senior girls appear and announce this was the final lesson. Now there will be a test so the class should get some rest.

 

As the girls are walking back to the dorm that evening, Blonde Japanese Girl is about to say something when she hears a strange noise. She and Clumsy Girl run towards the danger trying to hunt the source of the sound down. They discover a necklace on the ground. All that's left of Klingon Girl.

 

Suddenly Blonde Japanese Girl and Clumsy Girl are attacked by albino zombies, otherwise known as failed students of the academy. One of the zombies grabs Blonde by the ankle. At least Clumsy Girl has the presence of mind to grab a cinderblock and smash the zombie's arms with it.

 

But wait, perhaps these albino zombies aren't just after brains. One of them gets close to Blonde Japanese Girl and warns her to "save the wounded girls." Before she can say anything more, Surgical Mask Girl swoops in and kicks the zombie back.

 

Back at the dorm room, Blonde Japanese Girl is feeling the wounds of the other students. Clumsy Girl, also unable to sleep and feeling alone, asks if she can sleep with Blonde. The two girls crowd in together on the very narrow bed. Ah, we learn Suicide Girl was Blonde's sister. Blonde feels extra guilty because her sister was always asking to sleep with her and Blonde was always saying no.

 

As Blonde Japanese Girl falls asleep she dreams about her sister being bullied by three grown women. Blonde witnesses the bullying yet seems reluctant to come to her sister's rescue. Never fear, here comes an angel to knock the bullies down.

 

It's the day of the test. Kikula announces that from here on out the students will be enacting their own Hunger Games and try to kill each other. She explains the source of their powers comes from their emotional scars. The more they hurt, the more powerful they will be. And don't even think about calling it quits or else they'll end up like Klingon Girl.

 

Angry Girl tries to call it quits and runs for her life. Surgical Mask Girl is hot on her heels. Somewhere, Hoodie is watching all this and enjoying a nice cup of hot semen milk. Angry Girl tries to fight back with her blades of yellow light. Surgical Mask Girl easily dodges the projectiles and gets in close for more bone-crunching action. A solid kick to the head causes Angry Girl to turn black and blow up.

 

And then there were five.

 

The surviving girls decide to band together and fight the senior girls instead of each other. And they'll get right on that right after Annoying Girl drops the kids off at the pool. The other girls make the wrong decision to stay outside the restroom. Unless that's the right decision to stay away from the smell. Whatever. This gives the chance for Surgical Mask Girl to suddenly appear in the restroom and slam Annoying Girl up against the wall.

 

Only it seems Surgical Mask Girl just wants to talk. She pleads with Annoying Girl to fight and become a White Witch. After all, what kind of crappy life does Annoying Girl have to go back to? Surgical Mask Girl removes her mask to show a scarred mouth, done to her by her own father. With a catch in her throat, Surgical Mask Girl begs Annoying Girl to become a White Witch with her so together they can protect young girls being victimized in the world.

 

As the other classmates patiently wait for their fifth one to return, Annoying Girl comes out of the john with her Staff of Power and starts chasing her friends.

 

 

Okay, so we've gone from Cinemax After Dark to UFC Championship.

Innocent Lilies Episode 1 - 3

Innocent Lilies can be found over at Viki.

 

 

 

The show begins with two Japanese girls. One looks like she's been roughed up. The other is blonde (blonde, I say!) and wearing that sailor outfit that Japan likes to inflict upon its female schoolgirls. Roughed Up Girl whines about life being too hard and she wished she was dead. Blonde Japanese Girl points out there are other people in this world suffering much worse. If Roughed Up Girl wants to kill herself then go right ahead. Roughed Up Girl says fine, grabs a knife and is about to slit her wrist when...

 

Blonde Japanese Girl wakes up in a sweat. Ah, so it was only a dream. Or was it a dream of a real past event? Blonde Japanese Girl looks over and sees on her computer that's she's just gotten an email from White Witch Academy.

 

But enough about that. Some dude is being thrown violently around. Holy Crap, he's being knocked around by an angel! Wings and heavenly chorus and all that.

 

After the opening credits we re-join Blonde Japanese Girl who is just arriving at White Witch Academy. Beside her, on the ground, is another new arrival - Clumsy Girl. They're greeted at the gate by Risa Kikula, Mikumo Annz, and Nighera (who is wearing a surgical mask). They give the newbies the tour and a rundown of the history of White Witch Academy. Basically a witch escaped from Europe and found refuge in Japan. She established the school as a haven for Vestal Virgins and such.

 

Blonde Japanese Girl finds a solitary white feather on the floor. Kikula explains it came from a witch's wing. If the newbies study hard, they can learn how to transform and have their own wings. So none of that bell-ringing crap from It's A Wonderful Life.

 

Kikula takes them to the Nurse's Office where the rest of the show's cast are in varying stages of undress. Too many Japanese names are being thrown at me and I'm not getting a one. The girls continue to undress as they get ready to go to the chapel for an initiation ceremony. There is even more stripping as each girl must now get into a bathtub of milk. Lots of cooing, soft focus, and caressing of body parts. (I feel dirty watching this.)

 

Finally they're all back to wearing clothes as Kikula has each of them swear they are virgins and will dedicate themselves to witchcraft. She bestows a necklace on each of them. Now it's time for their first lesson. Somewhere in a parking garage one lone schoolgirl is being bullied by three other schoolgirls. As our pack of newbies watch, Kikula and her sidekicks display their CGI wings. I guess only the newbies can see the wings as the Mean Girls don't seem fazed at all. The Mean Girls go in for the attack. Surgical Mask Girl simply kicks their ass with old fashioned, non-magical kung fu. Mikumo uses her power to freeze time. Then Kikula does something weird. She pulls up her skirt to show her thigh. A bloody mark instantly appears on her thigh, only to then turn into a flintlock pistol. Kikula takes the pistol and shoots the head Mean Girl.

 

WTF am I watching?!?

 

Episode Two starts off with more scintillation as Blonde Japanese Girl and Clumsy Girl are dressed in nightclothes that barely leave anything to the imagination. Clumsy Girl wants to be friends with her roommate but Blonde Japanese Girl keeps her distance. I'm kind of confused as to whether Clumsy Girl is Suicide Girl from the first scene or if she just reminds Blonde Japanese Girl of Suicide Girl. Sorry, but I can't really tell most of these actresses apart.

 

The rest of the cast barges into their dorm room to have tea and sweets. Laughing and bonding ensue.

 

But enough about that. It's back to the alleyway where it turns out I was wrong. That wasn't a dude being knocked around by an angel, it was a woman.

 

But enough about that. It's back to showing off more skin as our newbies are all dressed in swimsuits with their butt cheeks hanging out. Is this soft core porn? Cat Ear Girl softly explains she doesn't know how to swim. This gets her a shove from Surgical Mask Girl into the pool. The girls start swimming as the cameraman starts focusing on their wet breasts and crotch shots.

 

What's this got to do with witchcraft? Nothing.

What's this got to do with beginner's porn? Everything.

 

After being worked to exhaustion, the class is finally allowed to get dressed and go to their classroom where the senior girls lead them in prayers. Suddenly one of the girls whose name I didn't get stands up and jerks around. In the air before her materializes a bat'leth. The other girls are quite happy that she was able to manufacture a Klingon weapon out of thin air. Therefore I shall call you Klingon Girl.

 

Another girl starts to exhibit her powers as well but she has no control over them. A wave of yellow light starts heading towards the class. Mikumo does her time-freezing thing to be able to get Blonde Japanese Girl out of the way before the yellow light hits. As the girls are heading back to their dorm, Blonde Japanese Girl has a close encounter with an albino.

 

Episode Three has the three senior girls welcoming back a forth winged avenger. They help to dress her in the school uniform, the camera paying extra attention to the newcomer's legs. The newcomer wears a hood over most of her face so I shall call her Hoodie.

 

Mikumo gives Hoodie a cup of milk. At least I hope that's milk. Hoodie claims the drink is too hot and she uses her powers to make the cup explode. The white substance splatters all over Mikumo's face. Yes, that's what is called a "money shot." I feel so dirty. So, so dirty.

 

Mikumo, still with white splatter on her face, tells Hoodie about one of the new girls being a potential empath. The newbies are shown up close and in slow motion as they eat frozen semen yogurt. Annoying Girl tells the others about how there is supposedly a ghost wandering around campus. Blonde Japanese Girl thinks back to her encounter the other night.

 

The senior girls come in at that moment to explain the albino isn't a ghost but a student who went mad when she failed to become a witch. The Academy tries to take care of her here on campus.

 

The newbies are taken off for physical education. Yep, more crotch shots, bulging breasts, and girls moaning and grunting. This time it's Annoying Girl and Cat Ear Girl who have their magic breakthrough, making a staff and sword appear. Nerdy Girl is jealous. Later they're all cleaning up the classroom so the show can have all these girls on their knees as they slowly ring out dripping wet rags. I hope my bottle of Brain Bleach is within reach.

 

Nerdy Girl tries to get Klingon Girl to do her part in cleaning. Klingon Girl makes her bat'leth reappear and throws it at Nerdy Girl. As Blonde Japanese Girl is picking the furniture back up she discovers a hidden message written on the bottom of one of the desks. Escape.

 

Nerdy Girl goes to the seniors to report the slackers as well as to express her worries about not having any powers yet. The seniors assure Nerdy Girl she does have powers and she should give it a try. Nerdy Girl gasps in pain and surprise as red tentacles sprout out of her back. Because, you know, Japan loves tentacle porn.

 

Surgical Mask Girl bitch slaps the slackers. Blonde Japanese Girl suspects Nerdy Girl of being the snitch. That night as she's looking out her bedroom window, Blonde Japanese Girl sees Klingon Girl starting to run away from the school. She goes downstairs to stop the other student. As they're talking in front of the gate they're caught by the senior girls. Klingon Girl thinks Blonde Japanese Girl ratted her out. She makes her bat'leth appear again only to have Kikula shoot it out of her hands.

 

The seniors order Blonde Japanese Girl back to her room. They drag Klingon Girl off so Surgical Mask Girl can kick the ever-lovin' shit out of her. Then Kikula pulls her gun out of her thigh again and shoots Klingon Girl in the chest. Klingon Girl turns black then explodes into ash as her necklace (the only thing that remains of her) falls to the ground.

 

 

*Yawn*    That's enough Japanese porn for the night.

The Tragedy of W Episode 1

I haven't watched a Japanese drama in a long while. Let's see what's going on over there.

A young woman is standing on a rugged cliff next to the sea. She screams something but the crashing waves drown out her voice. Or maybe she's just really pissed at the ocean right now. When her cell phone starts to vibrate, Mako (played by Takei Emi) darts back to her chauffeur-driven car. It's her mother calling from the fancy Eastern Hotel. The party is about to start and Mom wants to know where her daughter is. Interestingly Mako lies and claims she's at the library instead of off yelling at Neptune. 

In the banquet hall Grandpa Watsuji Yohei is on stage addressing the party goers who are here to celebrate the 130th anniversary of Watsuji Pharmaceuticals. Mako is just arriving when she's stopped in the lobby by Dr. Mazaki, played by Takahashi Issei. He's here to deliver Grandpa's medicine and also hopes Mako will be able to convince Grandpa to have his heart checked out. 

Back to the party. Grandpa's brother, Watsuji Shigeru (played by Kaneda Akio) is trying to get his son, Watsuji Takuo (played by Takeda Kohei), a transfer to a different department within the company. Grandpa quickly puts the kibosh on that idea, not trusting Takuo to do any real work out of the old man's sight. Grandpa then orders Mako to come to his room and I immediately get a creep vibe.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, there's a woman who looks just like Mako. This would be Kurasawa Satsuki, played by the same actress. Satsuki appears to make her living at the world's oldest profession. When her customer starts to leave without paying, she tries to stop him. The old coot dares to rough her up. Satsuki follows him. When next we see the john, he's laying in a dark alley way with a stab wound to the gut. Well, that's what you get when you stiff a hooker.

We're told this is April 22nd.

Back at her rundown apartment, Satsuki receives a phone call on her cell, yet when she answers it the caller hangs up without a word. She goes to wash the john's blood off her hand. 

At a cabaret dancers are practicing their routine. Satsuki is mopping the floor as the club owner who will NOT SHUT UP tries to talk our little murderess into becoming a performer as well. 

The john's body has been found and Detective Yumisaka Keiichiro (played by Kiritani Kenta) is investigating. The victim's wallet was left behind and identifies the dead guy as Kenichi Hidaka, a junior high school teacher (and pervert). Uh-oh, also in the wallet is a membership card to the cabaret club where Satsuki works. You're not a very smart murderer, Satsuki, to leave such an important clue behind.

Yumisaka goes to the club and asks for Satsuki. What, did she leave her name behind? "I did this! Signed, Satsuki." written in blood? How did he know to bring Satsuki down to the station for questioning? Oh, there was a witness who saw her with the victim. Still, there's no concrete evidence proving she's the one who killed the john so Satsuki gets to walk. 

She returns back to the cabaret where the other dancers are trying to convince her to join them on the stage. Satsuki refuses, raising her arm up shoulder height and saying she can't raise it any higher due to a childhood accident. (Like they couldn't choreograph a dance that didn't require her hand to go up over her head.)

Satsuki gets another call only this time instead of hanging up the caller speaks. It's Mako and she's offering to be Satsuki's alibi for April 22nd.

Anyway, Satsuki ditches her tail (Yumisaka) and heads to the Shangri La Hotel to meet with her mysterious caller. The next day the police as well as the Cat Lady who runs the cabaret are all looking for Satsuki. About a day passes when Cat Lady comes to the club and is relieved to see Satsuki is back mopping the floor.

Or is that Satsuki?

Of course it isn't. It's Mako pretending to be Satsuki and she's doing a terrible job of it as she regales the dancers with a synopsis of the Liza Minelli movie Cabaret. Cat Lady invites "Satsuki" over to her place. Cat Lady may be fooled but Cat isn't and hisses at "Satsuki." 

Yumisaka and his partner are questioning Satsuki's landlady. She tells the cops how Satsuki was finally able to pay her rent on April 23. The landlady still has the money and Yumisaka orders the bills to be sent to the lab. 

The dancers are all having their pictures taken when "Satsuki" arrives for work. The photographer insists the cleaning girl also get up on stage and pose. "Satsuki" can now miraculously lift her arm up over her head. C'mon, Cat Lady - how many more clues do you need?

Yumisaka returns to the club. Now he's got an arrest warrant for "Satsuki." One of the bills she used to pay the rent with had the john's fingerprint on it. "Satsuki" calmly replies she has an alibi for April 22nd. She was at Lake Hamana all day long. She directs the cops to a magazine which did a pictorial on the light show at the lake. In one of the pictures printed in the magazine you can see Satsuki/Mako in the crowd. Yumisaka's partner verifies the picture was taken on April 22nd. 

Once again "Satsuki" gets to walk.

Mako returns to the Shangri La to assure the real Satsuki that she's been cleared of the murder charges. Now it's time for Satsuki to return the favor and trade identities with Mako. 

After some basic training from the original, the new "Mako" arrives at the family's palace. The music and the scenery make me think of Harry Potter arriving at Hogwarts. 

At the same time "Satsuki" is arriving back at her hovel. Well you're the one who wanted this, Mako, so you've gotta live with it. 

Grandpa comes into "Mako's" room and starts stroking her hair. Creep vibe! My skin is crawling! 

Yumisaka is still keeping an eye on "Satsuki." (Smack on head - I only now just realized Kiritani Kenta played the young medical student from JIN. I kept thinking he looked familiar.)

The next morning at breakfast "Mako" struggles with having no table manners. Eww, Grandpa's groping her knee under the table. Later, she overhears Shigeru and Takuo talking and the young man venting that one day he's going to kill Grandpa. When they notice "Mako" standing nearby, Shigeru asks her if she's thought any more about what he asked her the other day. "Mako" understandably has no idea what he's talking about but is able to wiggle herself off the hook for now. 

Grandpa Creep talks to "Mako" about how she's the only one he can trust. He's planning on updating his will and loudly wonders who he should leave all the billions of yen to. This catches the attention of Satsuki's greedy side. She was always going on about money.

Back at the cabaret, Mido gives "Satsuki" a swirly because she's heard the cleaning girl has been bad-mouthing the cabaret dancers. 

Mako arranges to have another meeting with Satsuki out on the rugged cliffs from the episode opener. Satsuki thinks the other woman wants her life back since Mako has had a taste of the poor life. Not at all, it turns out. Mako wants to continue their deception. I guess if I had to choose between swirlies and Grandpa Creep I would also choose the toilet.

Otomen Episode 1

Masamune Asuka is a sensitive young boy who wears an apron and holds tea parties with his stuffed dolls. Yet his beloved father is accepting of his slightly different ways. One day Asuka gets his George Washington on and confesses to Dad that he accidentally broke off a branch from Dad's cherry tree. Dad praises Asuka's honesty which leads to confessions from everyone. The most shocking, though, comes from Dad. He always wanted to be.... a woman!

This announcement sends Mom into shock. As she's being wheeled down the hallway of a hospital (with the strangest doctor attending her), Mom makes Asuka promise to never be like his Dad. Asuka goes home and packs all his stuffed dolls away, swearing he'll be more manlike for Mom.

It's a few years down the road now. Asuka is in high school and on the manly Kendo team. He's got his own fangirls cheering him from the stands. (I still refuse to believe teenage Japanese girls act like this in real life.) Asuka defeats every one of his opponents.

As Asuka is leaving the arena, he sees a thin young teenager, Ariake Yamato, being robbed by a group of bullies. He's about to come to the rescue when he's beaten to the punch by a girl who attempts to shame the bullies into giving the boy's wallet back. Shame is a wimpy weapon, so indeed Asuka gets a chance to step in and whack a mole. 

The next day at Asuka's class, we see he has a friggin' pink idiot of a teacher. She and the other girls in the class make fools of themselves over Asuka's victory. Do I spy with my little eye - a Japanese with an Afro?!? Anyway, after the girls stop screaming, the boys take turns being mean to 40-year-old student Isono. I don't understand your humor, Japan.

Lets get to the part where Teacher introduces the new transfer student. It's Miyakozuka Ryo, the girl from yesterday. Since she and Asuka have already met, the fangirls find themselves quite jealous of Ryo, while all the boys are eager to get her email address.

The three bullies from earlier are instructed by their boss, Tonomine Hajime, to take Asuka down.

With Mom away on a business trip (guess she survived that shock over her husband-slash-wife), Asuka has the privacy to relax and sew his little heart out! Knit one, pearl two. It's a good thing. Does Japan have the Lifetime network? Oh no, he forgot to close the blinds and school playboy Tachibana Juta has seen Asuka's secret life.

In home ec class, Ryo is making a horrible mess of a cake. Asuka is just dying to step in and straighten her out, but that would ruin his manly image. Finally he can take no more and takes over her cake education. Ryo does nothing but say "Hai" throughout this sequence. Kind of getting on my nerves there, Ryo.

And now I want cake.

The Bullies have come to bully. They're looking for Asuka and send a text message ordering him to come to the kendojo right now. Problem is they sent it to the wrong email address. It's Ryo who gets the message. She arrives to find the Bullies have trashed the place. 

Asuka, fetched by Ariake, shows up just in time. Tonomine reminds Asuka that if he gets involved in any trouble he won't be able to compete in the next big Kendo competition. Ryo tries her shame weapon again. Once again it doesn't work. Asuka challenges Tonomine to one-on-one Kendo action without protective gear. Finally some excitement. 

Bullies being bullies, one of Tonomine's thugs hits Asuka from behind. Just as Black T-Shirt Guy is about to slug Asuka, Ryo comes in with a high kick. For extra points she takes down all of the bullies, and she doesn't need a big stick to do it. It's about time you did something useful, Ryo.

Rich Man Poor Woman Episode 1

Hyuga Toru (played by Oguri Shun) is the Japanese version of a Mark Zuckerberg/Steve Jobs type of mover and shaker. He and his partner, Asahina Kosuke, created their little enterprise, Next Innovation, in a dorm room. Now, at the tender age of 29, Hyuga is a billionaire. Want to use your smart phone to spend 900 million to buy a business in India? There's an app for that. He suffers from Prosopagnosia, which is basically an inability to recognize faces. He's looking for his mother, Sawaki Chihiro, who apparently walked away one day and never came back.

A struggling young college graduate (played by Ishihara Satomi) is wearing out her shoes looking for full time employment. Did a bee sting her on the lip? She has a really huge upper lip. She goes to apply for work at Next Innovation. Hyuga wants to throw her out because he doesn't believe she's the right type for his cutting edge business. She reveals she has eidetic memory. She also reveals her name is Sawaki Chihiro. Well obviously she's not Hyuga's long lost mother. Still, the coincidence jars him.

Hyuga decides to hire Chihiro for only 48 hours. He wants to use her extraordinary memory to help sell a project to the Ministry of Information. Things go very well at the meeting and Chihiro is making a good impression on everyone until the very end when her mouth (with the huge upper lip) kind of gets away from her and she may have jeopardized everything they had accomplished. Hyuga throws a hissy fit on her, and not in private. He leaves her in tears and goes for a drive to cool off.

Partner Asahina attempts to comfort her and offers to take her out to eat. She admits she's very hungry. Asahina says she can order whatever she wants, but first she must tell him something. What is her real name? He knows her name isn't Sawaki Chihiro.

This drama is all the rage right now. For myself, I kept looking to see how much longer I had to go to get to the end of this episode. That's never a good sign. Also, the character of Hyuga Toru is a bit of an ass, IMO. Maybe if Chihiro (or whoever she is) had had a bit more backbone in her and stood up to him, I might have almost cared. The pacing is really slow, the story is not interesting, and the characters don't grab me.  

Ghost Mama Sousasen Episode 1

It's a beautiful morning in Japan. Young Uehara Tonbo waves goodbye to his father, Kohei, and heads off to school. Soon after he's joined by his bespectacled mother, Choko, who is dressed in her police officer uniform. They amble along, discussing how the first grader's day is going to go. Older sister Aoi dashes by, complaining she's going to be late. Everything looks perfectly normal (except for those two guys in the background wearing gawd-awful plaid pants.) But all is not as it seems, for you see

Mom is dead. She's dead! Ah, it's the zombie apocalypse! We were warned! Why didn't we listen?!? Ahhhhhhhhh!!!

But seriously, she's dead.

Flashback to three months earlier. It's Tonbo's first day of school and as a special treat Choko serves hamburgers for breakfast. The school has a great big opening ceremony with flowers and everything. (My school didn't have any kind of ceremony to welcome first graders. Mom just dropped me off and forgot about me. And I didn't get any hamburgers for breakfast, either! I feel bitter now.) The teacher does a roll call of her students, but when she gets to Tonbo the other cruel little kids laugh at his name. Choko jumps to her feet and yells out Tonbo's name. Everybody turns to look at her as she tells her son to answer the teacher with pride and volume. Way to make the moment even worse.

Choko is rushing off to work when she hears someone shout, "Purse snatcher!" A scruffy man is running away from a cop on a bicycle. Choko goes into badass mode. She grabs the perp by the arm as he tries to run past her. She swings him around and then over her shoulder, smashing him to the ground. Don't mess with the dead!

Choko changes into uniform and goes on patrol. She runs into a group of students who are skipping school (oh no, it's those gawd-awful plaid pants again! It's like part of a school uniform. Grey blazers and brown plaid pants. Dear Lord, what evil is behind all this?) when she hears someone scream, "Fire!" Choko quickly runs towards the danger. She's able to bring out a mother and young baby but there's still another child inside the burning home. Choko valiantly dives back into the inferno and finds the child. However, she's overcome by smoke inhalation and falls to the floor as images of her family run through her mind. Luckily the firefighters have arrived and find them.

At the emergency room, Choko stands by as the doctors work on the little girl. They're able to revive her and Choko is relieved. Someone asks, "What about the other one?" and is told "she" didn't make it. Curious as to who the other victim is, Choko peeks around the curtain to see ... her own body on the table. The Uehara family (the live ones, that is) come into the room to mourn over her body. Choko is unable to be heard or seen by anyone.

Then The Light appears. Choko starts to step into it and dissolve when she hears Tonbo repeatedly crying for his mother to wake up. She steps back out and The Light is all, "Fine. Be that way." and disappears. Choko is crying over her family when she notices a mysterious young man standing out in the hallway. He seems to be able to see her and she goes racing after him. She catches up to him in the lobby and starts asking him all sorts of questions, like he's supposed to be the Information Desk of the Dead. He takes the easy way out and disappears.

Finally accepting she's a ghost, Choko decides to keep watch over her family. We jump forward three months. She wonders why her family can't get over her death in such a short amount of time. Whenever she tries to touch anyone, her hand simply goes right through them and they feel an intense chill. Tonbo is having difficulty seeing so Dad plans to take him to the eye doctor. (In an almost off-hand manner we also learn that Aoi is actually Choko's step daughter.)

Choko accompanies her son to school. He's picked on by other kids and is too depressed to participate in his classes. Choko is watching the school kids play ball, talking to herself about how powerless she feels, when the dead young man from before appears. He explains to her that if she thinks she's powerless then she will be powerless. As an example, the ball rolls towards the ghosts. Choko tries to pick it up but her hands move through it. The mysterious man easily picks the ball up and throws it back to the now frightened kid. (I'm reminded of the scene from Ghost where Patrick Swayze learns from the subway ghost how to kick a can.)

Back at home Choko practices on trying to touch things to no avail. Tonbo comes home from school and mopes around. On a table is a picture of his late mother. Her eyeglasses rest before the photograph. Tonbo tries the glasses on and is amazed at how well he is able to see now. Everything is in focus.

Including his mother.

Not only do the eyeglasses allow him to see his mother's ghost, they somehow enable him to hear her as well. (I mention this because this is one of my pet peeves. Seeing her through her glasses kind of makes sense, but why should the glasses make him able to hear her as well? Just sayin'. Also, I've just noticed he has the word Rainbow in big letters on the seat of his pants.) Tonbo tells his family about the glasses and Choko's ghost, but they just think it's part of his dealing with his mother's death. When Aoi and Kohei try on the glasses, they can't see her. It only works for the little boy.

We're back to the beginning as Tonbo, wearing the glasses, leaves for school. He's happy to be reunited with his mother but when they reach the school yard he insists she not accompany him any further. He doesn't like her spying on him all the time. So what does a ghost do with time on her hands? She goes to her old police department to check up on things. She overhears a couple of officers discussing a string of arson cases. They wonder if the fire Choko died in was also arson. Conveniently, an alert comes in to the department about a factory fire. Choko is on the case.

Outside the burning building a crowd has gathered to gawk. Choko notices one man who looks familiar. She remembers the other fire, the one that killed her, also had a crowd of spectators outside and this man was there as well. Choko is suspicious and follows him to his home. He has a scrap book filled with pictures and newspaper articles about all the fires. He also has a large calendar with certain days marked with a red star. She recognizes the red star dates correspond with the dates of the arson fires. This is the man who is ultimately responsible for her death. But... she's a ghost. What can she do?

That night Choko discusses all this with her six-year-old son, because six-year-old's can handle these kind of things. She attempts to use Tonbo as her mouthpiece and sends him to her old police chief, Mifune Yoshimitsu, to report the arsonist. The chief doesn't believe the child and thinks Tonbo is going crazy. Choko mutters to herself how they need conclusive evidence. Tonbo takes it upon himself to go get that evidence. Way to put your six-year-old into a dangerous situation, dead mom.

With an old-fashioned camera around his neck (you know - the kind that takes actual film), Tonbo shadows the arson suspect. This arsonist isn't much of an arsonist. He has one teeny tiny can of lighter fluid. He's about to set another building on fire when he spies Tonbo taking pictures of him. He chases after the child and tries to get the camera. Choko finally finds them but all she can do is give the arsonist the chill of a lifetime. It's enough to get him to let go of Tonbo. The boy dashes into a warehouse with the arsonist again on his heels. Choko goes looking for help, forgetting the past three months and how NO ONE can see or hear her.

No human, that is. She spies Mifune out walking his dog. The dog can see her and she causes the animal to follow her, meaning her boss has to follow his dog. The arsonist has cornered Tonbo when Choko and the dog arrive. The man can't see Choko but he's utterly terrified by this (adorable) little poodle. Mifune comes to find his dog and Tonbo reports the man as the arsonist, claiming he has photographic evidence as well. Again using him as her mouthpiece, mom and son also tell the policeman about the calendar and where he can find the scrap book in the man's apartment. (On a legal note, would any of this be admissible in court?) The arsonist tries to run. Action Mifune takes him down. The criminal is hauled off to jail and Tonbo is reunited with his (living) family.

Case closed.

JIN Episode 11

The Final Episode

I go into this forewarned that this episode will be about an hour and a half in length. I sure hope there are no graphic surgeries in this, as I'm really enjoying my hoppin' john whilst I watch.

The assassins report back to Kusaka Genzui about how Sakimoto's body disappeared after he went over the cliff. They assume he's dead and his corpse sank to the bottom, which is good enough for Kusaka.

A bloodied Jin makes his way back to the Tachibana home where he begs for help in searching for Ryoma. Young Tachiban gathers together some men and they begin scouring up and down the riverside, asking villagers if anyone has washed ashore. Jin wonders to himself with the disappearance of Sakimoto, what will this mean for Japan's history? Just as important, if it was Sakimoto who time traveled to the future, does this mean Jin won't be able to return to his own time? Ah, good question, doc.

For everyone else, time continues to flow as usual. Saki is introduced to her prospective husband. Nokaze packs up and prepares to leave the brothel for her master's private residence. Jin's picture has changed again. This time he and Miki are both wearing their doctor's smocks and appear to be standing on the roof of the hospital. Saburi relents on his previous hesitation and hands over a book to Jin from the Hanoka School. Even Creepy Baby in a Jar makes a brief appearance.

Since his picture has changed again, Jin feels that Nokaze's lump must not be cancer. Still, he sends her a letter requesting to examine her again. He brings along Saburi since he actually has more experience with breast cancer than the neurosurgeon. After both men examine her (and just have to talk about secretions - blech), the two doctors butt heads over differing diagnoses. Saburi is pretty sure the lump is malignant, yet Jin is in denial and not wanting to operate. Also, this may cause the purchasing of Nokaze to be stopped, and Jin is still convinced her going to a new master is what's best for Miki. Oh Jin, I'm back to wanting to smack you upside the head. Nokaze, with a mysterious look that kind of says she knows he's sacrificing her for some reason, decides to go with Jin's prognosis and not have surgery. Saburi is hurt and disillusioned with his hero. He thinks Jin doesn't trust his medical skills.

Jin goes to visit Ogata's grave, which is too bad because while he's gone guess who shows up at the soy/penicillin factory. Sakimoto explains he was swept down the river almost to the sea when he was saved by a local fisherman. A fisherman who has a lovely daughter, which is why it has been so long since anyone has seen or heard from Sakimoto.

Jin sits in front of Ogata's headstone and confesses how selfish he is in disregarding Nokaze's cancer so that future girlfriend can be born. What Jin doesn't know is Sakimoto had come to find him and overheard everything. He begs Jin to save Nokaze, coming up with this cock and bull theory that once she has her breast cut off not only will she not be bought, but she'll be thrown out of the brothel as well, so then she'll have to get with Sakimoto because no one else will have her.

Jin still needs a day to think about it before he finally decides to do something about it. Jin and Saburi meet with Nokaze and ask to perform surgery on her. Saburi warns that the surgery may not be successful, or if it is, the cancer could come back. Nokaze, echoing the same sentiments Miki had before her surgery, says even if the operation isn't successful, if it helps the doctors learn more about treating the disease then it is worthwhile.

Nokaze says goodbye to all her prostitute comrades and she grandly parades down the main street of Yoshiwara. She's back to doing that odd strut on those platform shoes. It must be a geisha thing. Once she reaches the gate she steps out of her shoes. I swear they must be at least at least 12 inches high! She walks barefoot the rest of the way to where Jin awaits her at the factory. Because where else would you have surgery but inside a soy sauce factory? I mean, duh.

Meanwhile, her buyer berates the clan doctor for not finding the lump during his examination. The doctor blames Jin for this dishonor and swears he won't forget this. Oh dear, this doesn't bode well.

Saburi goes to the Tachibana's home to pick up the last of the medical supplies Jin left behind. This is how Saki learns they're going to operate on Nokaze.

Argh, Jin is looking at the damn picture again. Miki is disappearing again, yet this time Jin firmly places the picture away in a wooden box. No matter what happens in the future, he's going to deal with the here and now. He even goes to bury the box at the cliff side hangout. Good! Good riddance to the friggin' photograph.

Evil doctor pays off some guys to cause some trouble with the operation.

On the day of the operation, Saki is to become officially engaged. She's wearing this beautiful color of salmon pink but that's beside the point. As Jin begins, he slips into old habits and asks for Saki to hand him a scalpel, then realizes she's not there. However, Saki does seem to hear Jin's voice at her home. She knows where she is supposed to be.

She interrupts the men only meeting between her brother and the messengers from her fiance and begs out of the marriage, saying she has to be somewhere else. The messengers are scandalized. Suddenly big brother Tachibana grabs Saki and throws her down into the dirt of the vegetable garden. (No! Not that pretty pink outfit!) Tachibana orders Saki to commit suicide (!) and grabs her own knife out of her obi and forces it into her hand. The messengers start to protest saying it isn't necessary to go this far. This is when Tachibana leans in close to his sister and whispers for her to go, he'll take care of this somehow. Loudly he yells for her to get out, he never wants to see her face again. Saki takes off.

Gross stuff happens as Jin takes out a perfectly round tumor from Nokaze. (Do cancer tumors look like meatballs?) Oh well, at least he didn't find a breast baby, then we would have two Creepy Babies in a Jar. One is enough as it is. Saki keeps running and running. Honestly, honey, by the time you get there the surgery will probably be over. More gross stuff is shown, and then the group of trouble-making samurai show up!

They start hammering (literally) on the door trying to break into the operating room. Jin attempts to finish what he started. This is when Saki finally arrives and she orders the men to stop. She certainly has the voice of authority as the samurai are temporarily shocked into silence. She manages to slip her way in front of the battered door. When the trouble makers swear they're going to get inside no matter what, Saki threatens to kill herself there and then. She pulls out her knife and holds it to her throat. Good grief, Saki!

Of course Jin and the gang can hear all this. Jin continues to finish the operation. Saki sweats. One of the samurai decides to call her bluff. He starts to rush her when a bloody Jin opens the door. The gang leader demands Nokaze be turned over to them. Jin asks who sent them, as their clan leader (the guy who was going to buy Nokaze) earlier sent word that he hoped she would recover from her illness. Who ordered them to come here? This spooks the leader enough that he and his men turn tail and leave.

Jin goes back to the cliff side to dig up the box only to find the entire photograph has now disappeared. He wonders if this means the future has been changed that he never met Miki, or Miki was never born, or maybe even Jin was never born. (Or, I wonder, did someone else see Jin burying the box and they came later to dig it up, take the picture, and replace the box in the ground. Just a thought.)

Nokaze recovers from her surgery. Sakimoto offers to marry her but she politely refuses. She thanks Jin for all he has done, plants a big wet one on his lips, and then leaves. I don't know where she's going, but at least she's free and belongs to no one but herself. Jin does some more of his ugly crying.

And then... things just go on. Fire Chief Shinmon Tatsugoro breaks ground for the hospital he promised to build for Jin. Kiichi continues to hock food. Nokaze opens up a private school (for what?!) Sakimoto gets his Western style footwear. Katsu suffers through speaking English, telling some white guy to punch somebody. (Seriously. That's what the subtitle says. "You may punch him as you please.") Tachibana receives his own marriage proposal. Saki helps Jin hang up a wall plaque.

What the hell kind of ending is that? What about Creepy Baby in a Jar? Who was Patient Zero from the first episode? What about Miki? What about Bob? What about the audience? What?????????