Secret Love Affair Episode 1

We're getting quick cuts of the characters. Would be nice if The Show gave us some names, but The Show is being bratty. I at least recognize the quick delivery guy is Lee Sun Jae (played by Yoo Ah In. Confession time: I'm not a big fan of his.) The girl at the beauty salon is his girlfriend, Park Da Mi (played by Kyung Soo Jin).

 

Oh Hye Won (played by Kim Hee Ae) arrives at work at the Seohan Arts Foundation. She takes off her long coat to reveal she forgot to put her skirt on this morning and has nothing on but her girdle. (I didn't know they still made girdles.) She sends her secretary out to buy a skirt. In the meantime Hye Won wraps a long scarf around her waist.

 

There's some kind of business trouble so Hye Won has to drive somewhere else. She goes to a hotel room or apartment (I can't tell) to wake up her hung over boss, Seo Young Woo (played by Kim Hye Eun) who has been screwing around. Young Woo slaps Hye Won.

 

After sending Young Woo off to a photo shoot, Hye Won returns to the office to meet with Chairwoman - and Young Woo's stepmother - Han Seong Sook (played by Shim Hye Jin). Seong Sook seems to be a nice person although those pants do not go with that blouse.

 

Hye Won's day keeps getting longer as she receives a call from her husband, Music Professor Kang Joon Hyung (played by Park Hyuk Eun). There's an upcoming gala and he's feels like he's being short shrifted because not many of his music students are being featured.

 

Joon Hyung is desperate to find a break out star. He's even looking on YouTube. Meanwhile his wife is having to attend a mahjongg tournament with Young Woo, Seong Sook, and big man Seo Pil Won. Young Woo and Seong Sook are in the bathroom where stepdaughter hints heavily that stepmommy is a slut. Seong Sook grabs Young Woo by the hair and shoves her head into the toilet. I knew I liked you for a reason, Seong Sook.

 

Her long day over, Hye Won returns home. Her husband is in his study still looking through videos of people playing piano. The one he's watching when Hye Won comes in shows only a man's hands on the keys. Joon Hyung is about to dismiss the guy but there's something that catches Hye Won's eye. She sends the mysterious pianist an IM. He's online at the same time and responds.

 

Thus it begins.

 

Sun Jae (because you know that's who it is) thinks his online conversation is with another guy. Hye Won decides not to correct his assumption. They continue their online conversations the next day.

 

Joon Hyung is being driven somewhere. His suit is hanging up in the car but the driver/assistant forgot the bowtie. He has to make a call to get the bowtie delivered by quick delivery messenger. (And how much does that cost for a bowtie? It would be simpler to just stop somewhere and buy another one. Ah, but we have to have a reason for a quick delivery messenger because that's what Sun Jae does for a living.)

 

After dropping off the tie (and almost being stiffed by the driver), Sun Jae decides to hang around a bit to watch how the professional musicians do it. He watches from backstage as Hye Won and some people watch two guys play the piano. (My mother was a music teacher and would probably recognize all these classical pieces. Me, I just know A Fifth of Beethoven.)

 

 

 

After the two guys are done with the piece everyone leaves the stage. Sun Jae, still hiding behind the curtain, is in lust with the grand piano. He can't help himself and goes to play what he just heard. Security is after him so Sun Jae has to duck into the mens room where he's discovered by Joon Hyung. The professor actually helps the courier to sneak out of the building. (And here I thought the secret love affair was going to be between Sun Jae and Hye Won.)

 

The next day Joon Hyung has the young man come to the house. A nervous Sun Jae meets the elegant Hye Won face to face for the first time.

 

That's shiny face to face. Everyone in this episode looked like they had an oil slick going on. The make-up people need to be fired.

Wonderful Days Episode 1

Also known as Wonderful Season.

 

 

It's 3:45 in the morning and some guy's cell phone keeps ringing. (Question: Why do DramaKoreans sleep with the light on?) Prosecutor Kang Dong Seok (played by Lee Seo Jin) finally answers the annoying thing. The news is bad. Someone has been attacked. Dong Seok is shocked into dehydration and he must go guzzle some bottled water. Close the refrigerator door - you're letting the cold out!

 

And now he's leaving the bathroom sink running. You are such a wastrel, Dong Seok. He leaves it running while he flashes back to 1998. Young Dong Seok (played by Park Bo Gum) is being bothered by his stalker, Chae Hae Won (played by Kwon Min Ah) who wants to give him some Goethe. Dong Seok walks away from her so Hae Won has a conversation with a barking dog. 

 

The dog bites her on the leg and Dong Seok is forced to give her a piggy back ride. (Um, did anyone bother to check and see if the dog was vaccinated?) He carries Hae Won to her house where his mother happens to work as the family housekeeper. They arrive just in time to hear Hae Won's mother chewing out Dong Seok's sister, Dong Ok. (I think Dong Ok is supposed to be mentally challenged. Or "slow" as we say around here.)

 

Now back to modern days. I can only hope Dong Seok turned the water off at his apartment as he reluctantly travels back to his hometown. They're awfully proud of their local boy as they've got signs up announcing he's appointed their new prosecutor. A grown up Hae Won (now played by Kim Hee Sun) looks on as she's slowly strangled by a huge blue scarf.

 

 

A car stops next to her and she checks in the back seat where a drunken Oh Seung Hoon (played by Park Joo Hyung - woohoo!) is passed out cold. He wakes up and she advises him to sober up quickly before going into the office. He seems to think she has a thing for him. (I have a thing for you, Joo Hyung.)

 

Dong Seok's uncle, Kang Ssang Ho, is cooking up a boatload of food for the homecoming. Grown up Dong Ok (played by Kim Ji Ho) eagerly waits outside in the cold for her brother's arrival. They haven't seen their golden boy in fifteen years.

 

Some kid actors I've never seen before do a terrible job in their scene. Something having to do with Kang Dong Hee. I think. Can you tell I'm skipping through this episode? Dong Hee (played by Ok Taecyeon) makes his appearance to fill the audience in on his ne'er-do-well father who abandoned his first family to go shack up with another woman.

 

 

Hae Won is in Seung Hoon's bathroom cleaning his shirt. Seung Hoon wants to find Dong Hee for some reason. I really don't know what's going on here, only that Seung Hoon doesn't get a kiss from her.

 

Dong Hee has another scene in which he lets the audience know he had once been married but she ran off with another guy. Dong Hee is in the process of trashing a barber shop when he's stopped by Hae Won. He acts all dangerous and threatening to her but Hae Won stands her ground.

 

Their fight spills out into the street which is where Dong Seok finally arrives to save Hae Won. Now if he would just save her from the blue scarf that is eating her alive.

 

The Bridge Episode 1

My first Swedish drama. Starring people whose names I can't correctly spell because I don't know how to make that O with the line through it.

 

 

It's night. Someone with tight leather gloves is driving. Driving, driving, driving. Look, Swedish graffiti! Anyway, back to the endless driving. Our unknown driver is approaching the border with Denmark. There's an awfully pretty bridge spanning the water. It's the Oresund Bridge. Sorry, I can't make the O with the two little dots above it, either. Suddenly the lights start to shut down. The bridge is closed. You don't have to go home, folks, but you can't stay here.

 

Our unknown driver, still on the darkened bridge, stops the vehicle long enough to take something out of the trunk. A line is spray painted on the tarmac as well. The driver gets back into the vehicle, giving us another shot of those tight leather gloves, and drives on. By the time the authorities investigate the blackout on the bridge they find:

 

 

Cops from both Sweden and Denmark arrive on the scene. The Denmark cop, Martin Rohde, is a frumpy guy. The Swedish female cop, Saga Noren, wears tight pants. She knows the identity of the dead woman. The victim is Kerstin Ekwall, Chairman of Malmo City Council.

 

A woman with a mole demands to know when the bridge is going to be re-opened. Her husband is needing a heart transplant and she wants to get the ambulance to the other side. Saga says the man will just have to wait for his heart until the investigation is done.

 

Elsewhere, someone named Veronika makes a call to someone named Stefan Lindberg. She wants to meet with him. Is this a booty call?

 

Back on the bridge, Martin allows the ambulance through which angers Saga. We head to the hospital to see the wife with the mole, Charlotte Soringer, greet the heart doctor. He's wearing a tuxedo, standard uniform of Swedish physicians. He breaks the news to Charlotte that he's been drinking tonight so he won't be doing the operation on her husband, Goran. She's not happy with this.

 

Back on the bridge, Saga tells the coroners they can take the body away now. But as they go to pick up the corpse they discover a gruesome fact: she's been neatly cut in two. (Which tells me our two detectives didn't do a very good job in the first place as they had no idea the body was in pieces.)

 

Frumpy Martin returns to his awesome house, leading me to believe Danish detectives are paid very well. Did-did he just scratch his balls? Anyway, Martin has a wife who is worried about his son, August, staying up all night and sleeping all day.

 

Saga stops by the morgue where the medical examiner stuns her with the fact that the lower half does not belong to Kerstin Ekwall. Furthermore, the ME theorizes the legs have been in a deep freeze for perhaps a year or so.

 

Back to Veronika who has brought her two young sons along with her for her booty call. Who are these people and what have they got to do with anything? Won't anyone tell Stefan the 70's are over?

 

 

 

Veronika is afraid she and the kids are going to be evicted from their apartment. This is not how you conduct a booty call, Veronika. Stefan basically tells her she's on her own.

 

We return to the hospital where you're still allowed to smoke inside. Charlotte is told her husband is too weak for surgery so the heart is going to someone else. She offers to buy the hospital a new CT scanner if they go ahead and give the heart to her husband.

 

Saga calls Martin to tell him about the legs. Have they found any bodies recently in Denmark with no lower half? Martin drags himself out of bed to go into the office and check. He has a conversation with a co-worker that at least gives me the idea of why he was scratching his balls earlier. He must have recently had a vasectomy. (Several men at my work have had vasectomies and claim it is the best twenty bucks they've ever spent.)

Martin calls Saga with an update. He suspects the legs belong to a missing Danish prostitute named Monique Brammer. Saga appears disturbed when Martin says he's coming over to join her in Sweden to continue this investigation. She's further perturbed as he paces while she tries to read the file. A-ha, he did recently have a vasectomy. Good Lord, he's got five kids with three different women! Dude, you needed to be snipped years ago!

But enough about Martin's nether regions.

Saga introduces him to the rest of her Swedish team. They're all wondering how long it will take for Martin to realize Saga is Girl With The Dragon Tattoo special. (Sidenote: I couldn't stand The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.) As they're looking over the photos from the crime scene, only now do our none-too-swift detectives realize the body - sorry, bodies - were placed on the spray painted line denoting the exact border between Sweden and Denmark.

The Sun! The Sun makes an appearance! We're back with Stefan. You know, I'm not sure if Stefan is Danish or Swedish. So Stefan gets into a fight with Veronika's ... husband? boy toy? pimp? Some guy named Soren. Stefan and his car don't fare too well in the fight. Again, who the hell are these people?

And now lets catch up with the heart transplant storyline. Goran, the husband who looks like John McCain, was supposed to be getting a heart from a young motorcycle accident victim. Only the father of the young man has now changed his mind and won't let anyone have the heart. (Can you do that? Can you back out of an organ donation?)

Stefan manages to talk Veronika into leaving her abusive husband. He takes her and her two kids out to a nice little country cottage. Why do I get the feeling Veronika is in danger?

Apparently Saga has filed something against Martin for letting the ambulance through on the bridge. Hans has to pull her aside and explain how this will negatively affect (effect?) the two detectives working together. She seems genuinely surprised that Martin wouldn't like her after this.

They've got a lead on a license plate. It belongs to Daniel Farbe, a journalist. Is Daniel the dickweed who was talking to the greasy-haired guy? Dickweed goes down to the parking garage and gets into his Escalade. Why, is that a pair of tight leather gloves I see in his hands. Dickweed only now realizes someone has booby-trapped his vehicle. The doors won't unlock, the car won't start, and there's a bomb in the back. The glass seems to be wired as well so he can't just break a window and climb out. Not that Dickweed would even think of that.

Saga and Martin arrive just as the bomb squad is getting prepared to go into the parking garage. They're not allowed to go down there so instead Saga calls Dickweed on his phone to ask if he was on the Oresund Bridge last night. Did he know Kerstin Ekwall? Does anyone else have a key to his SUV? This isn't a good time, Saga.

The bomb squad, realizing they can't get the bomb defused in time, start easing away from the vehicle and leaving Dickweed behind. Saga, still on the phone, assures the journalist he won't experience much pain when the bomb blows up.

The timer counts down to zero and then... a CD ejects from the player. The doors also unlock and Dickweed is able to exit the SUV. He throws up but you know, I don't blame him a bit.

Saga and Martin get the CD. It's a message from the killer, his voice electronically altered. He warns the police he's just getting started.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 46

I begin this last episode with trepidation. I know once it ends I'll fall into a deep bout of the "Now What'll I Watch?" blues.

 

 

Prince of An De brings Xiao Cui to stay with Xue Wu while the menfolk go off to fight. Xue Wu asks her husband if she can at least keep Snowy the faithful horse with her.

 

The Zhou army is just five miles away from Ye City. King Yuwen Yung learns about Duan Shao's execution scheduled for noon that day. Yung surprises his advisors by ordering everyone to hold off and just observe until after noon. Does Yung know who Duan Shao is and knows Chang Gong will be staging a rescue attempt?

 

Zheng Er is still in the (nearly empty) palace. She has the chained imperial tutor brought before her. Duan Shao demands she just kill him and get it over with. Zheng Er informs the prisoner she needs him alive as bait. It must be working as a report is brought in of spotting the masked assassin in the city. He's even sent the empress a message. "A life for a life."

 

The masked man has the audacity to simply ride up to the steps of the palace. A confident Zheng Er orders the mysterious assassin to take off his mask. What he does do is pull out some smoke bombs, run up the steps, take Zheng Er hostage and carry her off to another location. Zheng Er tells Gao Chang Gong to release her. The warrior takes off the mask to reveal

 

Holy crap, it's Xue Wu! Another awesome fake-out, Show! Damn, you're good.

 

Chang Gong and his masked merry men are about to leave An De Manor to go rescue Duan Shao when something odd happens. Shi Shen and the merry men all turn and block Chang Gong's way. Shi Shen explains he's following Xue Wu's orders. She's wanting to save her husband from the taint of killing his own kinsman. Also, the prince is the only one qualified to take over the throne after Gao Wei is dealt with. Therefore she will be playing the part of the Lone Gunman in this assassination.

 

Chang Gong orders his brother-in-arms to either kill him or step aside. Shi Shen asks for a chance to make it up to the prince by aiding in the rescue attempt.

 

Xue Wu holds a knife to Zheng Er's throat as she demands to know where Duan Shao and/or Gao Wei is. Zheng Er presses her throat against the knife. She goes through the list of all the terrible things she's survived through this show. In other words it's going to take a lot more than a big knife to scare the shit out of her. (She does have a point, ya know.)

 

The women are interrupted by Chang Gong. He takes over holding the knife to Zheng Er's neck and ordering her to take them to Gao Wei. Suddenly Xue Wu is hit with an arrow from the battlements. It's Gao Wei and he's already got another arrow nocked. He first aims it at his old rival but then Gao Wei swings over to release the projectile at Zheng Er.

 

Xue Wu realizes the arrow in her chest is poisonous. Chang Gong picks her up and leaves everyone behind to go find a doctor. Gao Wei comes down to untie Zheng Er and tell her he knew all along she was poisoning him. He knew she didn't love him but he had hoped if he was patient and waited long enough she would finally feel some kind of affection for him. He's lost everything: his people, his army, his kingdom - all for her. 

 

Gao Wei pulls the bottle of Ancient Chinese Ambien from Zheng Er's robes and downs the entire contents. Everybody has blood coming out of their mouth. Everybody has a death scene.

 

Chang Gong is pleading with his wife to hang on as he carries her along. Xue Wu knows its too late and asks for him to stop. (Now I'm having Bridal Mask flashbacks.) She gives him permission to find himself another wife, provided the other woman isn't prettier or smarter than Xue Wu. Seriously, she says that. Chang Gong swears she will be the only wife he will ever have. With one last request, to take care of Ping An, Xue Wu makes a beautiful corpse.

 

For some reason the Qi soldiers in the city start herding all the townspeople into shacks so they can be burned alive. This is so masked An De and his men can come to the rescue. In the midst of the fighting an extra comes to announce Gao Wei's death. An De takes off his mask and orders the Qi soldiers to stop harassing the people as the war is now over. The soldiers run off. An De's people free the townsfolk who are glad Gao Wei is dead and are actually looking forward to the Zhou coming in.

 

An De rides out alone to meet with Yung. He's the one who has to break the news to the king about Xue Wu's death. It's a bittersweet victory for Yung as he rides into the city and takes over the throne. He orders everyone to turn around so they won't see his tears of sorrow. 

 

Time passes and now it's Yung's turn to have a bloody mouth death scene as the poison in his system finally gets to him. 

 

An De tells how Prince of Lan Ling disappeared after the loss of Ye City and hasn't been seen since. Perhaps its for the best as Chang Gong, off raising his son alone, has now grown a pornstache.

 

 

 

And I leave you with that.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 45

Yuwen Yung plans to take down Qi State utilizing shock and awe. They'll come in from the north, from where the Qi will least expect a Zhou attack. Yung predicts he'll need only three battles to win the war.

 

Prince of An De tries to talk some sense into Emperor Gao Wei, who is still playing at being a beggar. Gao Wei appears to be flying high and doesn't really care about Ping Yang City falling to the Zhou. It's up to Zheng Er to manipulate her husband into donning his armor and leading his army into battle. All she's really interested in, though, is whether all this fighting will make Chang Gong appear.

 

Oh, we get some anime as the Great Omniscient Voiceover tells us something about the battle of Ping Yang.

 

Hulu Senior receives word that some faithful Qi soldiers are still in the walled city. At three o'clock in the afternoon they plan to open the city gates so Gao Wei can lead his men inside. Zheng Er asks for him to wait while she gets ready. She so wants to see this. Hulu Senior worries that they'll miss the deadline if they wait much longer. Zheng Er takes her own sweet time getting dressed and Gao Wei insists on waiting on her. The result being he misses his chance at victory. Ping Yang falls to the Zhou.

 

Zheng Er finally shows up and pouts that it's not her fault. Who cares about a stinky old city anyway? Hulu Senior has had enough. He starts saying what everyone else is thinking: that Gao Wei is weak and Zheng Er is evil. Gao Wei is so enraged he strangles Hulu Senior with a bowstring. Duan Shao is put under arrest to be executed later. 

 

 

(Yep, more and more I'm convinced everybody's gonna be dead by the last episode.)

 

Gao Wei is convinced Ye City (the capital) can't be defended and the court should hightail it down south somewhere. The emperor tells Zheng Er about his brilliant plan to burn down Ye City before the Zhou can enjoy it. During the confusion, Gao Wei and Zheng Er can simply slip away, with everyone else thinking the royal couple was killed in the fire. Zheng Er acts like, "Sure, I'm down with that. Just let me go pack a couple of things first."

 

Chang Gong is infuriated to learn about Hulu Senior's death and Duan Shao's scheduled execution for tomorrow afternoon. Xue Wu insists whatever his plan is to include her in it. His plan is to not only rescue the imperial tutor but to also wipe out the royal couple.

 

As part of the emperor's plans, Eunuch Si Xi has procured two corpses (one of them Zheng Er's evil maid) and dressed the dead up as the royal couple so it is their bodies that will be found in the upcoming fire. As the old saying goes, two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. To make sure this little subterfuge doesn't get leaked, Gao Wei poisons Si Xi.

 

 

Another one bites the dust.

 

Zheng Er comes in to makes Gao Wei take another sleeping pill. (Both just ignoring the still warm body of Si Xi lying on the floor at their feet.) With the emperor fast asleep, Zheng Er starts to make her move. What she doesn't see is that Gao Wei is really awake. He didn't swallow the pill. He gets up to secretly follow her.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 44

The shoe is on the other foot now as it's Zu Ting who is Yuwen Yung's prisoner. Zu Ting pleads for his life. Yung demands the antidote to the poison forced down his throat. The astrologer first admits there is no antidote, but then he backs up and claims he can make one - just don't kill him. Prince of Lan Ling comes in and Yung hands Zu Ting over to him. Chang Gong barely hesitates before drawing his sword and striking the astrologer down. So, that's the end of Zu Ting.

 

 

(I'm getting the feeling the entire cast is going to end up dead by the final episode.)

 

Chang Gong leaves, not seeing Yung start to spit up blood already. (I thought this poison was supposed to take three years to kill him?) Xue Wu wakes up to find Yang Shi Shen is standing guard over her. Shi Shen is a total blabbermouth as he tells her how Yuwen Yung is with Chang Gong right now. Way to break the news to her, Shi Shen.

 

When the masked warrior comes to check on his wife, Xue Wu calls Chang Gong out on how a whole year has gone by and he couldn't bother to tell her he's alive. She unties his mask and cries with relief to see it really is her beloved prince. (Poor Yung watches from the sidelines.) Lots of crying scenes.

 

 

In the midst of this reunion, Xue Wu finally looks over and notices heartbroken Yung walking away. She runs to catch up to him. Yung swallows his tears, as well as the pain from the poison, as he wishes her well. As Yung rides back to his palace he keeps coughing up more and more blood. He recovers enough to tell Shen Ju he plans to launch an attack on Qi State. Then he's in pain again. The imperial physician has nothing but bad news as he confirms what Zu Ting already said: Yung has only three years left.

 

With death staring him in the face, King Yung makes peace with Queen Axina. She's not fooled at all. She knows he's needing her father's troops to help conquer Qi.

 

 

Gao Wei starts dressing up and acting like a beggar. (Just like the real-life Gao Wei did.) Zheng Er just pops another pill into his mouth and sends the emperor to his bed. So it is the empress who receives the news that Zu Ting has been killed by Prince of Lan Ling.

 

 

Yuwen Yung has called together his commanding officers to go over his war strategy. And look, there's Yang Jian, a face we haven't seen since the first episode. Where the hell have you been, man?

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 43

Xue Wu returns home to inform Old Woman Whose Name I Still Don't Know about the theft of all their savings. But later, when she hears Snowy making a fuss, Xue Wu goes outside to see her bag has been returned. The Masked Man of La Mancha wasn't fast enough in slipping away and Xue Wu chases after him. She asks if he's the legendary warrior for good everyone has been talking about. (Seriously, you have to ask? Do people just walk around every day wearing a metal mask that you have to make sure you've got the right guy?)

 

Chang Gong doesn't speak, only nods his head in answer. Xue Wu happens to notice a bug bite on his neck and warns if it isn't treated it can have serious consequences. Chang Gong can't risk blacking out in the middle of a fight so he silently agrees to Xue Wu treating him with some herbs. She's surprised when Snowy calmly allows the "stranger" to pet him.

 

 

They go inside the house where Xue Wu is so trusting she allows this unknown man to hold her baby. For a brief moment she envisions Chang Gong holding his child. Xue Wu goes to prepare some tea (leaving her baby alone with a guy she just met and knows nothing about) but when she returns it is to find the Man In The Iron Mask has disappeared. He's left a note, though, thanking her for treating his bug bite. If she ever needs his aid again, send him a smoke signal.

 

Zheng Er is back to pushing the pills on the emperor. Gao Wei sadly tells his empress how much he loves her. He loves her enough to take the pills (which he knows can kill him) if that's what she wants. As she watches him take the pills, Zheng Er has tears in her eyes. It's like she knows he knows and yet is still willing to sacrifice his life for her.

 

 

 

Chang Gong returns to his hideout to find An De and Shi Shen have started assembling some merry men to help him out. Meanwhile, Xue Wu realizes she gave the masked man o'war the wrong medication for his bug bite. She must find him!

 

Zu Ting learns the masked man of constant sorrow has been spotted near Mount Phoenix. The imperial astrologer moves his men out in hot pursuit. The reason Chang Gong is going to the mountain is because Xue Wu has sent up her smoke signal so she can give him the right bottle this time. They both must escape together when the Qi soldiers give chase.

 

Chang Gong hides Xue Wu behind a very thin tree that doesn't hide her at all while he goes out to deal with the armed forces. His strength is so great that one arrow can go through two armored men. He draws the soldiers away from where Xue Wu is huddling behind a stick. She gets up to leave when she spies something the masked man has dropped on the ground. It's her ceremonial belt which she gave to Lan Ling. (I still argue that it was Yuwen Yung who had the belt last.)

 

The Qi lose Chang Gong in the forest of thin trees. Zu Ting figures out the burning hay they found must have been a signal for the masked warrior. This is something the astrologer can use.

 

Chang Gong realizes he's lost his precious belt. Xue Wu is sitting at home wondering who the masked man is when he comes knocking. She demands to know his identity and reaches to pull his mask off. He stops her so that he can unmask himself. We're forced to slowly watch him remove the mask and Xue Wu's surprised expression when she sees

 

Yang Shi Shen! Awesome fake-out, Show. Xue Wu seems to accept his story about being the masked hero, but after he leaves she realizes Shi Shen didn't have the same bug bite as the man she met before.

 

Yung has to sneak out of the palace so he can pay a secret visit to Xue Wu.

 

Xue Wu is preparing to sneak back into Qi to further investigate her suspicions. As she's just leaving the house, though, she sees a smoke signal coming from the mountain. Xue Wu correctly assumes this is a Qi trap for the masked warrior. Change of plans as now the divine sorceress sprints for the mountain in hopes of stopping Chang Gong before he's ambushed.

 

Yung arrives at Xue Wu's house. Old Woman tells the king about the Qi being on the mountain and Xue Wu racing there to try and save the masked man. Yung sends some men to go make a second smoke signal. This should put the masked warrior on his guard. Yung easily catches up to Xue Wu and tries to stop her from getting involved in danger. Before he can get her away they are both surrounded by the Qi. Zu Ting is beside himself with glee with capturing both Xue Wu and the King of Zhou.

 

 

 

Don't worry, Chang Gong is on top of things. He orders his merry men to assemble for an attack on Zu Ting's base. Zu Ting, still laughing his ass off at his good luck, has Xue Wu chloroformed. Zu Ting isn't going to be taking them back to the crazy emperor and the even crazier empress. The astrologer has his own plans. He forces a slow-acting poison down Yung's throat. It's so slow it will take three years for it to kill the king. Only Zu Ting can make the antidote so there's no chance Yung will ever kill him. All Zu Ting asks is for Zhou to attack Qi. In the upcoming chaos, Zu Ting will then rebel against Gao Wei and then Toothy will take over the throne. Zu Ting cackles so much I think he laid an egg.

 

Outside, Chang Gong and his men (now all wearing masks) are attacking. One of their band is captured and Zu Ting threatens to kill the man if they don't stop fighting. Chang Gong reveals his identity, stunning the Qi soldiers as well as the astrologer. Zu Ting orders the soldiers to arrest Chang Gong but they're so happy to see their beloved prince is still alive that they throw down their weapons and join the forces of good. It is Zu Ting who is taken prisoner.

 

Chang Gong goes inside Zu Ting's tent. Xue Wu is still knocked out from the drugs but Yung is awake and sees that Lan Ling is still alive. The two go have a man-to-man talk. Chang Gong thanks the king for taking such good care of Xue Wu. Yung sucker-punches Chang Gong in the abdomen. That's for not telling Xue Wu you're alive, punk! Gotta love that Yung.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 42

The Qi people are suffering. Hunger. Crime. Rampant corruption. The people need a hero. A hero who dresses in black and wears an uncomfortable metal mask. You know that thing's gotta chafe.

 

Gao Wei, with a half-naked Zheng Er on his lap, holds court. He's still convinced he saw the ghost of Lan Ling in the palace. Zu Ting recommends stocking the palace with dogs and chickens and such, as it is believed animals can see the supernatural. Gao Wei agrees to this and even plans to bestow honorable titles upon the animals.

 

Gao Wei learns about a masked rebel who has been stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. Prince of An De volunteers to go capture the masked hero.

 

Later, Zheng Er asks the emperor how he's feeling since he's been taking the Ancient Chinese Ambien drug. Gao Wei thinks its a miracle drug. He can sleep the night through guilt free. Zheng Er replies since the drug works so well, why not take it more often? You pill pusher, you.

 

An De and Yang Shi Shen dress up as hot pink soldiers and pretend to be transporting supplies in order to lure out the masked bandit. Oh, they lure him out alright. There's a three-way fight with the man in black coming out the victor. Chang Gong removes his mask. An De cries like a baby to see his beloved Lan Ling is alive.

 

 

Chang Gong fills the guys in on how he cheated death and Zheng Er's part in it all. Since Gao Wei didn't keep his end of the bargain and become a better, kinder emperor, Chang Gong has turned into the masked rebel. Furthermore, Chang Gong has been keeping his eye on his family, secretly checking in on Xue Wu and Ping An over in Zhou. Since his life is in constant danger now as the masked avenger, Chang Gong doesn't want to put his wife in any danger by knowing he's alive. An De and Shi Shen promise to help the masked marvel any way they can.

 

(Seriously, his alter ego needs a name. Something cool. Somebody needs to come up with something.)

 

Yung and Zhen Er come to the farmhouse to visit Xue Wu and her gigantic baby. She's extra pleased that Yung was able to find Snowy, Chang Gong's horse. (Xiao Dong was riding Snowy when he raced to Zhou to get Yung's help to find Xue Wu.) Yung has also brought some old woman I've never seen before but Xue Wu knows her. She's here to keep Xue Wu company and help with the infant.

 

The old woman won't shut up as she praises King Yung for bringing all the folks from Beggars Village over to Zhou. He gave them all land to farm and so they're not beggars anymore. Yung asks the divine sorceress to be in charge of the new Beggars Village. (If they're not beggars anymore, why call it the Beggars Village?) In return, Xue Wu asks if Yung can arrange a meeting between her and An De.

Chang Gong continues his secret trips to Xue Wu's farmhouse. An De reports back to the palace. Gao Wei is a bit high on his happy pills so its Zheng Er taking care of the state business. She wants to know how the campaign to capture the masked marauder is going. An De acts embarrassed that he's not been successful in catching the rascally rabbit. Zheng Er is suspicious and so orders Zu Ting to take over An De's job.

Gao Wei comes down off his high long enough to discover he's made a dog a high official. The emperor has to ask Eunuch Si Xi to fill him in on what else has been going on. Gao Wei learns about Zheng Er giving the orders around here and he doesn't look too pleased. He starts pretending to take the pills while secretly sobering up.

Xue Wu is delighted when An De and Xiao Cui come for a visit. She's further thrilled to learn the couple has recently married. Happy times come to an end as An De fills Xue Wu in on how bad things have gotten in Qi. They talk about the fomenting rebellion and the mysterious masked warrior.

Thinking Gao Wei is knocked out by the drug, Zheng Er speaks freely with Zu Ting in front of the emperor. Zu Ting is the one who has been supplying the drug and he demands to be treated better. Zheng Er laughingly replies she's got the power now to send the imperial astrologer back to the pig sty since the emperor is so zonked out of his mind.

After hearing all this, Gao Wei has a private examination done. The doctor warns the emperor to stop taking the drug as it can be a dangerous poison when abused.

Xue Wu is out at the marketplace purchasing some cloth. A piggy pick pocket notices she's got plenty of money to spend. As she's walking home, Piggy snatches Xue Wu's bag. Piggy thinks he's gotten away until he runs into masked Chang Gong.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 41

With the emperor on his way, Chang Gong gives Zheng Er two choices. She can either go greet Gao Wei and allow the prince to quietly slip away, or she can reveal Chang Gong is still alive. In which case Chang Gong will tell all as to who was keeping him alive and lying to the emperor.

 

Zheng Er chooses to let her man go.

 

Unfortunately, Chang Gong stupidly hangs around too long and is spotted by Gao Wei. At least the guilty emperor simply thinks he's seeing a ghost and freaks out.

 

Zheng Er may have let Chang Gong go but that doesn't mean she's let him go for good. She once again swears vengeance against him for breaking her heart.

 

Over in Zhou, Yung requests Xue Wu to come to another morning meeting. After the slap from the queen, Xue Wu wisely declines the offer. (More time must have passed as Xue Wu is starting to get a bigger belly.) If Mohammad won't come to the mountain, the mountain will come to Mohammad. Only Mohammad keeps avoiding the mountain. Yung sends the always reliable Shen Ju to corner Xue Wu and extend an invitation for an inspection. He promises it will all be strictly business.

 

 

Meanwhile, Chang Gong and his snazzy hat learns about Xue Wu being with Yung in Zhou State.

 

Xue Wu learns the "inspection" was just a ruse so Yung could get her alone outside of the palace. She explains the reason she's been avoiding him is because she doesn't want to create any more friction between Yung and Axina. He poo-poo's the whole idea. His marriage to Axina was always political. While they are on friendly terms, Yung doesn't consider himself and his wife in love or anything schmaltzy like that.

 

Axina, however, doesn't see it that way and is already plotting on how to get rid of the divine sorceress.

 

Wow, a lot of time must have passed as the court physician predicts Xue Wu will be going into labor any day now. The queen sweetly suggests Xue Wu go have her baby at a Buddhist temple. Yung thinks that's a great idea and sends Xue Wu on her way.

 

 

Yung and Axina drop Xue Wu off at a mountain temple. No one notices the evil eye exchange Axina has with the head monk. Nor does anyone hear the ominous music playing.

 

Wait, maybe I'm wrong! Shen Ju (the real hero) and his masked men think the monks around here are acting mighty fishy and bear watching.

 

That evening Xue Wu goes into labor. She goes looking for help only to stumble upon a monk/masked men battle royale going on outside. Shen Ju yells for her to escape. Labor pains or not, this girl's going out the window! The evil head monk is in hot pursuit.

 

Xue Wu is running through the forest. I sure hope there are no sink holes or steep cliffs around as she's always finding those.

 

Yung drops by Axina's quarters. He notices the queen is acting awfully nervous tonight. Anyway, he lets her know that he's already agreed to Xue Wu's request to retire to the borders to raise her baby. She'll no longer be a part of Zhou state affairs (and thus no longer a threat to Axina). 

 

Xue Wu stumbles to the ground, the evil monk with a sword slowly stalking her. He's about to strike when one of those masked men comes out of nowhere and kills the monk. The masked man disappears back into the forest when Shen Ju and his men start to catch up. (You know who the masked man is. I know who the masked man is. Xue Wu doesn't know who the masked man is.)

 

Axina offers the king some tea. Yung roughly knocks the teeny tiny cup out of her hands. He gave Axina every opportunity to come clean about what she was up to but she never took it. Yung storms off in a huff leaving Axina on the floor crying after him.

 

 

Xue Wu is heavy into labor and Shen Ju is forced to take her to a nearby farmhouse where the wife is drafted into being a midwife. Standing outside the door, listening to Xue Wu's cries of pain, is masked Chang Gong. The midwife worries that neither Xue Wu nor the baby is going to make it. Chang Gong clenches his fist in helplessness.

 

Xue Wu has a vision of the supposedly dead Chang Gong cheering her on. This gives her the motivation to finally push that baby out. Good Lord, look at that huge baby! No wonder she had a difficult birth. By the way, it's a boy. She names him Ping An.

 

Xue Wu asks Shen Ju what the deal was with those monks. He tells her how Yung was suspicious of the queen and so asked Shen Ju to keep an eye out on the divine sorceress. Xue Wu says she won't be returning to the palace. She'll just stay here and settle in this nice farmhouse. (Um, don't the original occupants of the house have a say in this?)

 

Xue Wu wants to thank the masked guard who came to her rescue in the woods. This puzzles Shen Ju as all the masked men were with him. C'mon, Xue Wu: put two and two together!

 

Shen Ju reports back to his king. Yung is so angry at the murderous monks that he orders all of them to be executed. Buddhism will no longer be practiced in Zhou. Axina, a devout Buddhist (and murderer), tries to talk Yung out of his orders but he won't budge.

 

Chang Gong is... somewhere when he comes upon some hot pink Qi soldiers trying to steal some kids. I don't know. All I know is he dons his mask and kicks Qi butt.

 

Thus Zorro the Gay Blade is born!

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 40

Queen Axina has a big dinner laid out and I cry foul once again as she has corn on the cob. Potato Rage! Anyway, this is all for King Yuwen Yung's benefit but he's not there to enjoy it. He's been spending more and more time with Xue Wu. Purely for state reasons but that doesn't mean Axina isn't feeling a wee bit jealous.

 

Gao Wei continues to suffer from insomnia. Zheng Er introduces him to Ancient Chinese Ambien, knowing full well the dangers of addiction. With the emperor knocked out cold, Zheng Er goes to visit with her captive. Chang Gong turns on the charm, lulling Zheng Er into a state of false security.

 

Zheng Er is still crazy enough to suggest they run off together and start anew. She knows he doesn't love her but she's willing to wait a millennium until his feelings change. Chang Gong acts like he's tempted. He takes a long hairpin out of her 'do as a sign of affection.

 

Look at that poor woman back there. She has to stand there all day holding a heavy incense burner.
You know that has to get real old real fast.

 

Yung's birthday is coming up. Xue Wu and Dubbed Zhen Er try to figure out what to give the king who has everything. They take Yung out to the waterside pavilion for a bitchin' fireworks display. Xue Wu notices one of the fireworks didn't go off and she investigates. Yung sees the fuse is still lit and grabs her away just as the thing misfires. He gets a small burn on his shoulder and Xue Wu insists on treating him inside the pavilion.

 

 

Then there's a downpour which makes them even more late for the birthday feast Axina has been working on all day. Yung makes his move, confessing his feelings and asking if Xue Wu feels anything for him. She doesn't answer, which is all the answer he needs.

 

The banquet is a bust and all the guests go back home. Axina continues to wait for the king to return. When the group returns from the pavilion, Axina notices the burn mark on Yung's back. Without thinking, Axina slaps the fire out of Xue Wu. There's trouble all around. Yung is pissed off at Axina. Axina is pissed off at Xue Wu. Xue Wu doesn't want trouble between the couple and accepts the blame for the king being injured. Zhen Er just stands there.

 

Over in Qi, Zheng Er is packing up her bags, thinking she's about to run away with Chang Gong. And look who's here after using the hairpin to pick the locks on his shackles. Chang Gong demands to know where Xue Wu is. Zheng Er starts to call for the guards. He threatens to kill her right here and now if she doesn't answer his question.

 

Then, just to make things more interesting, it's announced the emperor is on his way over.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 39

Xue Wu is understandably dazed and confused when the palace tailor comes to measure her for new clothes as an imperial concubine. She goes to see King Yung to ask, "What up wit dat, dude?" Yung shows her the bodies of two assassins killed just last night. (So, they just keep the corpses right outside the royal stateroom?) Yung explains that he had to give her some kind of title in order to protect Xue Wu - as well as the baby she's carrying - from any further attempts on her life. He also shows her the letter the late Chang Gong wrote to him, asking for protection for his wife. Xue Wu thanks Yung for being such a good friend.

 

 

A depressed An De has been turning to the comfort of alcohol. Xiao Cui takes him out to the work site of the Celestial Garden to show him how the people are suffering. Now sober up and do something about it! With Prince of Lan Ling dead and the divine sorceress run off, the role of savior now falls upon the playboy shoulders of An De.

 

An De receives a missive from Xue Wu, briefly explaining her new title is not to be taken seriously and that An De will be an uncle in a few months.

 

 

Queen Axina learns about Xue Wu's new designation and doesn't know how to take it. Xue Wu assures the queen she's not the least bit attracted to Yung so is not a threat in that department. As soon as her child is born, Xue Wu plans to leave. 

 

We see Zheng Er once again sneaking away from the palace at night. This time we get to see her destination. Somewhere she's secretly keeping an unconscious Chang Gong chained to a bed. Don't get kinky, now. Chang Gong finally wakes up and demands to know what is going on. Remember how eager Zheng Er was to pour the prince some poisoned wine. It was because she had replaced the poison with her own special drug which would simulate death. Also, that time Gao Wei was going to stab the prince's corpse to verify death - Zheng Er had put a bloody piece of animal meat on Chang Gong's abdomen. She directed the emperor's dagger to stab the meat instead of Chang Gong.

 

The empress claims she went to all this subterfuge because she didn't want Chang Gong to have such an easy death. She wants him alive to suffer! (Also, and we all know this, she's still in love with him.) But let's get back to the suffering. Zheng Er tells him how Xue Wu fell off a cliff and died. As proof, Zheng Er brings out the silver comb Chang Gong recognizes as the one he gave Xue Wu.

 

However, Chang Gong tricks Zheng Er. He says the comb came as a set. Where's the gold one? Zheng Er claims she was nice enough to leave the gold comb with Xue Wu's body. Thus Chang Gong now knows the empress is a big fat liar. He can only hope Xue Wu made it to Zhou safely.

 

Yung has Xue Wu summoned to his morning court although some of the ministers don't trust her hearing Zhou state secrets. One guy says the peace treaty between Zhou and Qi is about to expire. Now is the perfect time to build up an army. Yet another guy points out it's not been a good year. They should concentrate instead on agriculture. Make love, not war.

 

Yung asks for the divine sorceress's opinion. Xue Wu works out a compromise between the military and the farmers. I'm not really sure what this scene was for.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 38

Xue Wu makes it to the prince's centopath but there are two men from the Fuchsia Brigade guarding it. They haven't seen her yet. Xue Wu uses her superior chemistry skills to start a fire with oleander. When the two guards go to investigate the fire, their skin starts to itch from the burning plant. (Something similar was done in Three Kingdoms.) The itchy guards leave to go rinse off in the river. This gives Xue Wu the opportunity to have plenty of flashbacks at the tomb.

Yuwen Yung and his people have been searching for Xue Wu for days. A scout rides up to report he's seen a large amount of Qi palace guards heading somewhere to apprehend a wanted criminal. Yung just knows this has something to do with the divine sorceress. Ariel, Ookla, Ride!

After spending way too much time at Chang Gong's tomb, Xue Wu starts to leave only to turn around and face Zheng Er and her troop. The empress delights in informing Xue Wu all her prayers and flashbacks were for nothing as Chang Gong's body isn't even here.

Zheng Er is just about to stab Xue Wu in the belly to kill the baby when Thank the Drama Gods! here comes Yuwen Yung to the rescue. Where'd all that smoke come from? As Xiao Dong is helping Xue Wu get away, she drops the comb Chang Gong had bought her on their last day together. Zheng Er finds it.

The Qi are in hot pursuit of the fleeing Zhou. Arrows are flying everywhere and one of them hits Xue Wu in the back, knocking her off the horse. Xiao Dong runs back to where she is just as Zheng Er and her troops catch up. Zheng Er orders the arrows to be released. Xiao Dong uses his body to protect Xue Wu and block the flying missiles from hitting her.

Yung picks up Xue Wu to carry her away. Despite looking like a pin cushion, Xiao Dong has the strength left to lift up a large log and throw it at the Qi archers. They quickly regroup and shoot him up with even more arrows.

Cute Boy, no! People, I cannot convey just how upset I am at Xiao Dong's death.

Yung carries Xue Wu all the way to Zhou and the palace. The imperial physician is summoned immediately. What with all the arrow wounds and falls from horses and such, the doctor isn't sure he can save both mother and child. Xue Wu begs her "Weirdo" to save the baby. Yung promises her they will both make it, but secretly he orders the physicians to save the mother if it comes down to a choice.

Zheng Er has a major meltdown when she learns Xue Wu has now found asylum in Zhou. Gao Wei, who already can't sleep because of his guilt over Chang Gong, orders the empress to just let Xue Wu go. Zheng Er pretends to obey him but as soon as Gao Wei isn't looking she orders Zu Ting to do whatever it takes to kill Xue Wu. Also, Zheng Er is still sneaking out of the palace at night.

Yung finds his own court is divided as to whether it's a good idea or not to give shelter to Xue Wu. To settle the matter, Yung makes the surprise announcement that Xue Wu will now be his imperial concubine. If Qi/Zheng Er keeps sending assassins to kill the divine sorceress, it will be considered an act of war.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 37

King Yuwen Yung is back on his big-ass CGI boat. Shen Ju, the man who knows everything, is there to inform the king about the Prince of Lan Ling's death. Yung is more concerned about the whereabouts of Xue Wu. A weak Xiao Dong is brought before the king. Cute Boy is here to personally deliver a letter written by Chang Gong to Yung. The prince knew Yung to be the only man strong enough to be able to protect Xue Wu from Gao Wei and especially Zheng Er. He therefore officially gives over his wife to the king's protection. Yung is truly sadden by his rival's death.

 

Xiao Dong begs Yung to find and save Xue Wu. They were separated in the valley near the border. Yung plans to take a small contingent into Qi territory to search for the divine sorceress.

 

Xue Wu awakens in the peasant's hovel to learn about Chang Gong's death and her own pregnancy.

 

Gao Wei's guilt drives him to drink. Zheng Er sneaks out of the palace for a mysterious reason.

 

The people are turning Lan Ling Manor into a shrine of sorts. Gao Wei realizes that killing Chang Gong didn't make anything better for him. In fact, things are worse.

 

With a baby now to think about, Xue Wu pulls herself together. She starts by inventing sulfur matches. (Which, according to Wikipedia, may actually have come from this time period and place.) She asks A-wen, the peasant guy who saved her from the river, to find the prince's tomb. Even though she knows it would be dangerous, Xue Wu wants to go pay her final respects to her husband.

 

 

Suddenly soldiers show up and Xue Wu must hide. The soldiers are here to gangpress A-wen into working on that damn Celestial Garden the emperor is building. A-wen begs to be spared as he's the only son left to take care of his elderly mother. The crooked captain says he just might spare A-wen, for a price. Overhearing all this, Xue Wu exposes herself to offer up one of her hairpins as a bribe. Luckily the crooked captain doesn't recognize the divine sorceress. He takes the hairpin and leaves, but Xue Wu fears he'll be back for more.

 

Crooked Captain returns to the city to see the latest China's Most Wanted posters. It's a drawing of Xue Wu, public enemy #1. Now Crooked Captain knows who the girl in the hovel really is. When Zheng Er hears Crooked Captain has seen Xue Wu, and that Xue Wu is pregnant, the empress makes him take her back to the peasants' homestead.

 

A-wen and his mommy are still there but Xue Wu is long gone. Zheng Er threatens to kill the son if they don't speak up. Mommy claims that evil Xue Wu put them under a spell to make them help her. The witch went down the path towards the west.

 

Zheng Er and her soldiers head that way. A-wen and Mommy hurriedly pack their bags to run away, not noticing he's dropped an important piece of paper on the floor. Zheng Er realizes the peasants lied to her and she heads back to the shack. While the soldiers are searching for the missing pair, Crooked Captain finds the paper. It's directions to Chang Gong's centopath. Zheng Er gleefully orders her men to head to the empty tomb as Xue Wu is walking right into their trap.