Scandal Episode 30

Jang Tae Ha can't believe his eyes when he sees it is Fake Eun Joong who is representing Yoon Hwa Young. Fake pulls no punches and starts flinging the dirt all over the courtroom. Knowing this will get painful, Hwa Young silently signals to Real Eun Joong to leave the room. Tae Ha reaches critical level and suddenly bursts out shouting for Fake to stop. Interestingly he goes back to calling Fake by his old Jang Eun Joong name.

 

At the same time Ha Myeong Geun is down at the morgue with the grieving family of Deputy Chief Song. Myeong Geun calls Real to see how he's doing. Again it's interesting that on his phone Real still has Myeong Geun listed as "Father" while Myeong Geun has Eun Joong listed as "Son." Myeong Geun repeatedly tells Eun Joong, "It's not your fault." Eun Joong replies he knows who the culprit is and he's going to get him.

 

The session must be over as Hwa Young comes out into the hallway and starts looking for Real Eun Joong. Fake Eun Joong notes she doesn't even stop long enough to thank him or anything.

 

So many significant little moments in just the first ten minutes.

 

And there are more to follow. Everyone is now outside the courthouse on the steep steps. Hwa Young sees Real Eun Joong and goes down to say something to him. He merely gives her an inscrutable look and moves up past her to go to Tae Ha. It's Fake Eun Joong, the son she did wrong, who guides Hwa Young away while Real Eun Joong goes to help up his father.

 

Meanwhile Soo Young is meeting with a bespectacled Secretary Kim. He's passing himself off as a partner in a law firm giving her a job interview. Saying he's from Hong Kong and will be in Seoul for only a short time, Secretary Kim asks Soo Young to be his tour guide and to show him the sights.

 

Run, Soo Young! Run!

 

Hacker Poong Gi is nearly caught by Joo Ha but he's wearing his cleaning uniform and is able to bluff his way out of trouble.

 

Hwa Young takes Fake to a nice restaurant for dinner. She expresses the hope that one day Fake and Real will regard each other as brothers. (Don't hold your breath, honey.) Fake asks her if she isn't bothered that Real chose to stand by Tae Ha. Or at least by Tae Ha's money. Changing the subject, Fake asks his former mother who was the guy who had the guts to finish the press conference after all the other reporters ran away. Hwa Young says he was a young man from an online newspaper who called himself "Batman." Uh-oh, Fake Eun Joong is quick thinking if nothing else and starts to make the connection between this guy and the missing slush fund.

 

Joo Ha is in her car about to leave the office building when she notices Real Eun Joong (in his SqueakMobile) coming in. Curious, she naturally has to check out the reason for his late night visit to the office.

Over at his office, Fake Eun Joong is googling (or whatever it is they have in South Korea) stuff about hacking.

Upstairs in his office, Real Eun Joong is printing off the files Hacker broke into today. Tae Ha (or whoever) has helpfully put everything on a spreadsheet listing names, amounts of bribes, and extra dirt like who's having an affair with whom. One must admire an orderly and efficient villain.

Suddenly Joo Ha bursts into the room because neither of these guys thought to LOCK THE DOOR. She demands to know why Real Eun Joong is here with a cleaning guy. Eun Joong claims he was here trying to find out who was filching stuff from his office and he just now caught the cleaning guy. They have to go all the way with this ruse as Joo Ha calls the police and they take Poong Gi away.

(Also, in order to hide the papers he just printed out, Eun Joong wads them up and throws them in the trash can. Now I'm nervous as just last episode Jo Jin Woong wanted Eun Joong's trash gone through.)

Joo Ha asks about the missing money. Eun Joong acts so convincingly surprised when he hears about the large amount missing that I kind of wonder now if he was actually behind this. Perhaps Hacker took it upon himself to pad his Christmas club account. Or perhaps Real Eun Joong is just that good of an actor.

Jin Woong is looking over the papers his spying secretary reports Real Eun Joong was asking for yesterday. It's the list of the largest share holders of the company. The second largest holder is Koo Jae In, a name Jin Woong isn't familiar with. He goes to ask a drunk Tae Ha about this. It's the first Tae Ha heard about Fake now having a large chunk of stock in Taeha Group.

Tae Ha goes over to Fake's little apartment to confront Fake about the shares. Fake keeps his cool and asks, "So? What's the problem?"

Quick cut to Real Eun Joong bailing Hacker out. Eun Joong learns from Detective Gu how Myeong Geun told Soo Young to go take a vacation for about two months (his allotted time left to live). Now back to Fake and Tae Ha.

Tae Ha is once again about to reach critical mass as he yells about how dare Fake do this to him after all he's done for the young man (like throw Fake out of the house with only the clothes on his back. Stuff like that.) After having his own crying/yelling fit about wanting to be Tae Ha's son again, Fake explains he took the stocks because he didn't want them to fall into Real Eun Joong's hands as Fake doesn't trust that guy at all. He goes on to say he'll give the stocks back to Dad when the time is right. (Fake has also promised these stocks to both Hwa Young and Joo Ha as well.)

Real Eun Joong is standing outside his old home when he hears Soo Young coming back. He quickly hides. Soo Young isn't alone as Secretary Kim (still in his Clark Kent disguise) is seeing her home. What he thinks is being seductive is really creepy, at least to me. I wish Soo Young had some internal red flags going up. Can you not feel the creepiness coming off this guy?

Soo Young goes inside and Secretary Creep is walking away so all Eun Joong sees of the other man is his back. But Kim does this neck cracking thing that Eun Joong seems to recognize. At least I hope he recognizes it.

Anyway, while everyone else is inside, Eun Joong is out front trying to clean off all the hurtful graffiti that was written on the walls and door.

Fake Eun Joong's accusations against Real Eun Joong appears to have made some cracks in Tae Ha's trust in his son.

Just as I feared, Jin Woong is going through Real Eun Joong's trash. I sure hope Eun Joong got those papers out before this.

Fake Eun Joong discovers Batman's secret identity.

The next dramatic courtroom scene arrives as Ah Mi's case against Taeha Construction goes to trial. Since he's the new head of that business, Real Eun Joong must now face Ah Mi in court.

Innocent Lilies Episode 7

I've been waffling on whether or not to finish this... this... I don't know what the hell this thing is. But since supper is not ready yet and this is only thirteen minutes long - TaDa! Episode 7

 

 

 

 

 

Hoodie and the other seniors are watching the Japanese Hunger Games on I Spy With My Little Eye network. Look, somehow they're remote viewing the other girls but I don't know nor care how.

 

Annoying Girl, with a crazed look in her eyes (well, crazier than usual), uses her magic baton to blast her schoolmates to the ground. If this were anime it would look really cool. Blonde Japanese Girl jumps up and rushes Annoying Girl, wrestling the staff away. Good job, Blondie.

 

Without any magical weapons, the two girls resort to tried and true bitch slapping. Blondie grabs Annoying by the arm and slings the girl face first into the corner of a building. The next camera shot is between Annoying's spread legs when suddenly blood starts pouring to the ground. I'm not the only person who thought for a second that Annoying just started her period. When it comes to this show I wouldn't have put it past them.

 

But no, the blood is pouring out of Annoying's head wound. The other girls try to physically restrain her but Annoying easily throws them off. Annoying is certifiable bat-shit crazy has she laughingly declares she still loves everybody, that's why she's going to kill them.

 

Cat Ear Girl, the one who got Annoying's staff after Blondie disarmed her, runs inside to hide somewhere. While cowering for her life, she flashes back to her own dumpy life. Annoying comes looking for her in the kitchen. Worst place to hide, IMO. Kitchen = knives. Cat Ear does a terrible job of hiding and Annoying quickly finds her. Annoying throws a bottle of nail polish at her (hey, that would hurt) causing Cat Ear to drop the staff.

 

The remaining (wounded) girls hear screams and go running towards the kitchen. Annoying is using her staff to beat the stuffing out of Cat Ear. The other girls arrive just as Cat Ear Girl turns black and explodes. Annoying Girl cackles to high heaven.

 

Blondie, Clumsy Girl and Nerdy Girl high-tail it out of there. Nerdy wants to stand and fight but Blondie wants to find another way to survive. Nerdy is like, "Fine. I'll go fight on my own." She leaves the group to go find the senior girls and beg for help. As they're talking out in the hall, Bat Shit Crazy Girl catches up to Nerdy. The seniors urge Nerdy to fight back.

 

Nerdy tries to use her magical tentacles to strangle the other girl but you can't beat the powers of bat shit crazy. As Nerdy begs for her life, Bat Shit Crazy Girl starts to take aim with her staff when something happens. She grabs her throat, complaining how it hurts to kill someone. Black smoke seeps from her body, taking away all the color.

 

Bat Shit Crazy Girl is now an albino zombie.

Scandal Episode 29

Hwa Young and Myeong Geun quickly separate when they hear Jang Tae Ha coming up behind them. Tae Ha is all righteous and indignant, because in his world comforting a man in pain is ten times worse than feeding your wife the wrong medication. Speaking of medication, Tae Ha grabs the bottle of pain meds out of Hwa Young's hand and scatters the pills all over the sidewalk. Hwa Young slaps her husband. He slaps her back. Oh hell no! Hwa Young starts to hit Tae Ha again when Myeong Geun reaches out and grabs her wrist to stop her.

 

Real Eun Joong (still looking good in that suit. This is Eye Candy Time) worries over the safety of his young hacker, Sun Poong Gi. (Viki says his name is also Korean for cooling fan.) Eun Joong plans to arrange for Hacker to wear a cleaning uniform so he won't be questioned for being in the office building. Hacker reports he's come up on a tough firewall in the Taeha system. He's confident he can break it but it will take a little time. It must be protecting something important.

 

Tae Ha forces Soo Young to open the door and let him in. Once again he gives her a dirty-old-man head to toe look. Stay vigilant, Soo Young! I'm worried about your safety with this guy. Myeong Geun asks his daughter (who is more understanding since she saw the press conference. Did she not know how her real brother died?) to go somewhere else while he and Hwa Young deal with the devil himself.

 

Tae Ha makes himself right at home. Hwa Young tries to keep a brave face and refuses to back down until her husband pays for all his crimes by going to jail. Tae Ha delights in informing her it was "his" Eun Joong who helped stop their press conference. In addition, Tae Ha has put Eun Joong in charge of the construction department so if Hwa Young continues her legal fight against the company it will be her own son who will end up being hurt by it.

 

Real Eun Joong is out having a drink with his old boss, Deputy Chief Song. He gives Song an open-end airline ticket and suggests the elder leave the country. Shanghai is nice this time of year. Eun Joong promises to take care of Song's family while he's gone. Song replies by throwing his drink into Eun Joong's face. He's not afraid of Jang Tae Ha and he's not running anywhere. Their loud conversation is being overheard by the new guy Kim Joong Hyeok.

 

As Song gets up and walks away from the unpleasant encounter, New Guy falls in behind him. Ominous music plays. Eun Joong is still sitting at the table, soju dripping from his face, when he hears a scream. Deputy Chief Song is down and out for the count due to a close encounter with a knife. Eun Joong checks the man's pulse and doesn't find one. He then has a Master's Sun moment and addresses Song's spirit, assuring the afterworld that he is still Detective Ha Eun Joong.

 

New Guy smirks in triumph.

 

Woo Ah Mi and Fake Eun Joong are working late at the office. Ah Mi offers to go get them something to eat and leaves her phone behind which is why she doesn't answer Real Eun Joong's call for comfort.

 

When Ah Mi gets back, Fake is honest enough to tell her about the call from Real Eun Joong. He's so honest he also tells Ah Mi how Kang Ho took the fall for Tae Ha and is now in prison. Also, her beloved Real Eun Joong is the one who turned over the all-important USB to Tae Ha. Ah Mi is devastated to learn all this.

 

Real Eun Joong has to pull himself together and go back home to his murderous father. Tae Ha has heard about Deputy Chief Song and he's quick to tell Eun Joong that he had nothing to do with the man's death. New Guy was overzealous and took it upon himself to off the policeman. Eun Joong goes to his room where he gets to his knees and repeatedly apologizes to the spirit of Song. He's so busy with his remorse that he doesn't see the incoming call from his mother.

 

Tae Ha does (on his clone phone) and rejoices in what he thinks is Eun Joong's rejection of Hwa Young. She eventually hangs up but thinks to herself how she still believes in Eun Joong.

 

The next morning Ah Mi shows up for their badminton game. As she looks at Real Eun Joong she keeps thinking of everything Fake Eun Joong told her. Real asks Ah Mi to keep watching over him. Ah Mi makes the decision that, like Hwa Young, she's going to keep believing in Eun Joong even when he does questionable things as they're probably for a good reason.

 

Tae Ha is looking at all the newspaper headlines about the scandal: a shocking and wrongful incident. Joo Ran spent the night and she's simply at the wrong place and the wrong time. Tae Ha takes out his anger and frustration on her by taking away all the credit cards, closing all the bank accounts, and kicking her out of the apartment he's paying for. This is done in front of Joo Ha and finally pushes her over the edge as she declares war against her beloved father.

 

Oh no, it's Creep Time. Tae Ha gives New Guy a file on Soo Young and basically gives Secretary Kim carte blanche in dealing with her. Run, Soo Young, run!

 

Speaking of running, in runs Kang Joo Pil with the awful news that the company's secret slush fund, trillions of won, has been emptied out by someone calling himself Bruce Wayne. That would be Real Eun Joong's hacker, folks.

 

Jo Jin Woong continues to suspect his BIL so orders his secretary to start bringing him Eun Joong's trash.

 

Joo Ha goes to her old brother, Fake Eun Joong, to ask him to loan her the trillions of won she thinks he stole from the slush fund. This is all news to him. He quickly puts two and two together and comes up with Real Eun Joong as the thief. Fake presses Joo Ha to do everything she can to destroy Real.

 

It's D-Day for Tae Ha. D as in Divorce. He asks Eun Joong to come along for support as Tae Ha goes to face Hwa Young in

 

 

 

Hwa Young is surprised to see Real Eun Joong in the courtroom. In a whisper she asks if he's alright and assures him that Mommy is okay. Tae Ha is not okay, though, when in walks Hwa Young's lawyer: former son Fake Eun Joong.

Scandal Episode 28

Ah Mi once again asks for the USB stick back. Real Eun Joong lies (?) and claims it is too dangerous for her to hold with her weak little feminine hands.

 

In between thinking about Ah Mi (cuz he's in lurve), Fake Eun Joong/Koo Jae In is thinking about how he's screwed the Taeha Group over with the transfer of the shares.

 

We get an extended scene of Ah Mi and Real playing their much talked about badminton game. Since that's boring, I'm going to digress and tell a little tale about myself. In college I was forced against my will to take at least two P.E. classes. I searched for the least physically demanding sport available but billiards was already filled up. I saw badminton and I thought: Wimpy racket. Lightweight plastic birdie. How hard could it be? Boy, was I wrong!

 

Now back to the show.

 

Myeong Geun is tired of Soo Young dragging her drunk ass home and he throws cold water on her. Soo Young screeches because that's all she seems to be able to do. There are much tears as Myeong Geun begs his daughter to straighten up and fly right.

 

Jang Tae Ha's new right hand man supplies the boss with a clone phone that will allow Tae Ha not only to listen in and follow who Hwa Young speaks to, he can also send texts supposedly from his wife. At that moment Hwa Young receives a call from Myeong Geun and Tae Ha eavesdrops. Major flirtage. Uh-oh, they mention the upcoming press conference.

 

After the phone call, Hwa Young tells Real Eun Joong about the plan to hold a press conference along with Myeong Geun. Fearing for her safety, Eun Joong begs her not to do it. Hwa Young assures him she's not afraid. If anyone is going to be hurt it's going to be Tae Ha.

 

The next day Tae Ha assigns Real Eun Joong the important task of scuttling the 11 o'clock press conference. Eun Joong tries several excuses not to until settling for asking Tae Ha to come along with him on the mission. They're riding in the car together when Eun Joong receives a phone call from Myeong Geun. Tae Ha orders his son to answer and to put it on speaker phone so he can hear.

 

Myeong Geun tries to explain himself, that he isn't doing this press conference for any kind of revenge but to simply make the wrongs known to the world. With Tae Ha sitting right there, Eun Joong must react with coldness, ordering Myeong Geun to stop bothering him and to not meet with the press.

 

Hwa Young and Myeong Geun walk into a room of shouting journalists and flashing bulbs. Our couple is nervous and frightened. She reaches over and squeezes Myeong Geun's hand. Fighting! (Only Koreans don't say "f" so it's more like Hwighting.) Eun Joong and Tae Ha arrive just as Myeong Geun is starting to speak. Eun Joong messes with the fire alarm system and sets it off, forcing everyone to evacuate. (And Tae Ha had to accompany Eun Joong to do this because...?)

 

All the reporters flee the room. Hwa Young knows this isn't a coincidence and that somehow her evil husband is behind this disruption. Suddenly the alarm shuts off and the sprinklers stop spraying. It's Eun Joong's multi-colored-hair hacker who has come to continue the press conference. Hwa Young and Myeong Geun are like, "Wha?"

 

Tae Ha is so pleased with himself he's singing a little song as they ride back to the office. He's not singing for long when he spots on of those giant TV screens in the sky. The press conference is back on, thanks to the hacker. Myeong Geun tells not only the story of his own son's death at the hands of Taeha Construction but also the death of Ah Mi's husband who had uncovered the shoddy workmanship on the new Zeus apartments.

 

Next they play Hwa Young's CD with the recorded depositions. Engineer Kim (he of the ugly big glasses) makes a return appearance as he testifies on trying to warn Tae Ha about the dangers of Taeha Plaza not being safe and how Tae Ha covered it all up with a fake terrorist attack.

 

With the price of stock in the company rapidly dropping since the press conference, Tae Ha orders Joo Pil to buy up all the shares he can and put them all in Eun Joong's name.

 

So she won't have to live in a hotel since she's left her husband, Myeong Geun offers Hwa Young a place to stay at his house. She can even still live there after he dies and hopefully Hwa Young will be able to bring Real Eun Joong back to his old home. She accepts.

 

Meanwhile at Center Pole Lair, Joo Ran, Joo Ha and Joo Pil (the Three Joo's) scheme on how they can get their greedy little hands on as much Taeha stock as they can while displaying all the colorful parkas you can purchase from the show's sponsor. Joo Pil thinks to embezzle the money from the company's secret slush fund and use that to buy the shares.

 

That evening Hwa Young and Myeong Geun are walking home together. Major flirtage. Before he can get up the steep steps to the house, Myeong Geun has another pain attack and falls to his knees. Hwa Young helps him take his pain meds and holds the man in her arms for comfort. Neither one sees Tae Ha appear.

Scandal Episode 27

Real Eun Joong walks down the runway, Yes-Men bowing reverently, as he's greeted by Jang Tae Ha and the gang (who are all secretly plotting against him). It doesn't help Eun Joong's case when his father won't allow the others to ride with them on Tae Ha's personal elevator.

 

(I should mention somewhere between Episode 26 and Episode 27 Joo Ha and Jin Woong have officially gotten married. The audience wasn't invited to the ceremony.)

 

Fake Eun Joong (now known on the show as Koo Jae In) has opened up his own little law office. His first, and so far only, client is Hwa Young. She still considers Fake her son and talks about passing on tradition down to her grandchildren from him.

 

Real Eun Joong asks his father to be assigned to the construction arm of the business. Tae Ha updates Eun Joong on the fact that the construction part of the conglomerate is suffering right now. Eun Joong is firm in his decision and Tae Ha gives in.

 

Now that Kang Ho is off in jail, Tae Ha needs a new right hand man and brings in Kim Joong Hyuk. Tae Ha pairs Joon Hyuk and Joo Pil together to oversee the company's secret funds. Then there's talk about paper companies based in the Caribbean and I start to fade out. Don't care.

 

Jin Joong walks into Eun Joong's office and catches the new vice president reading mangas. Jin Joong doesn't appear to be buying Eun Joong's act as a fish-out-of-water goof off. After he leaves, Eun Joong's secretary brings him the files on all the shareholders in Taeha Construction. Eun Joong gets down to serious work.

 

Fake offers Ah Mi a job at his tiny one-man law firm so now he can give her Stares of Burgeoning Love all workday long.

 

Hwa Young stops by the Ha house to discover it's been vandalized with graffiti all over the place declaring Myeong Geun should disappear and die.

 

Jin Joong, perhaps as a test, puts Real Eun Joong in charge of finishing up the Zeus condominiums, the very building that (in a sense) killed Ah Mi's husband.

 

Hwa Young suggests to Myeong Geun that they join forces to destroy Tae Ha in order to save Real Eun Joong. She's scheduled a press conference where she intends to tell the world all about Tae Ha's wrong doings: murder, arson, faulty construction, as well as the death of Myeong Geun's real son back in '88. She shows him the cd she found. On it are three depositions from people closely involved with the collapsed Taeha Plaza.

 

Tae Ha gets served with divorce papers.

 

Fake Eun Joong sees Ah Mi home to the Ha house. As usual with DramaKoreans, neither one sees that Real Eun Joong is sitting in a car watching them from ten feet away. It is Fake who breaks the news to Ah Mi that Real has quit his job at the police and has moved in with Tae Ha, her blood enemy.

 

Just as Fake reaches up to pull something out of Ah Mi's hair, Real lays on the car horn in a "Get your hands off my woman!" move. So now they notice him. Ah Mi feels the need to introduce herself as she doesn't recognize this new and improved Jang Eun Joong. She asks for the USB stick back as she doesn't think he needs it anymore. She plans to get Tae Ha all by herself since he's solely focused on becoming the new chairman of the board. Eun Joong asks her to trust him without explaining anything. My girl has no time for this nonsense.

 

Joo Ran and Joo Pil learn that Fake, before he stopped officially being Jang Eun Joong, transferred all of "Jang Eun Joong's" shares to Koo Jae In. This means Fake is the second largest shareholder in the company next to Tae Ha.

 

Real Eun Joong calls on one of his contacts from the underworld. A computer hacker with multi-colored hair. Eun Joong orders the kid to hack into Taeha's database.

 

Eun Joong comes home to an uncomfortable family meeting where Tae Ha tells the kids how Hwa Young has petitioned for a divorce. To Hwa Young's shock, Eun Joong sides with his father.

 

Ah Mi decides to go out and join Eun Joong for his ungodly 5:30 AM badminton game but has to stop to get hungover Soo Young to bed. Soo Young is sliding down that slippery slope to alcoholism. Detective Gu discloses to Ah Mi that he's secretly working for Real Eun Joong to keep an eye on the woman Real still considers his little sister.

 

At the park, Ah Mi tells Real Eun Joong how she's now working for Attorney Koo Jae In. Eun Joong recognizes the name as the mysterious second largest shareholder of Taeha Group. He's further shocked when Ah Mi explains Jae In is the lawyer formerly known as Jang Eun Joong.

Innocent Lilies Episode 4 - 6

It's another day and another chance to watch Japanese Cinemax After Dark.

 

 

 

The senior girls break it to the class that Klingon Girl has "dropped out" of the Academy. Klingon Girl's cohort, Angry Girl, demands to know who ratted the (dead) student out. Nerdy Girl can't stand the pressure any longer and confesses. She then has a freak out which unleashes her red tentacles.

 

Nerdy Girl wakes up in the school's clinic with Clumsy Girl at her bedside. The other classmates, what's left of them, also come to visit. Blonde Japanese Girl hangs back as she thinks about Suicide Girl. Nerdy Girl feels well enough to join the others for more training. There's not much ogling this time as half the students are forced to piggyback the other half. Nerdy Girl is saddled with Angry Girl riding her.

 

(Ya know, back in my day witches learned to cast spells and brew up potions, not train for a decathlon.)

 

That evening as they're all lounging around in their skimpy white lingerie, Clumsy Girl worries aloud about not having any powers yet. What if she can't become a White Witch? Cat Ear Girl proclaims if she can't be a White Witch she'll simply die. Still thinking about Suicide Girl, Blonde Japanese Girl jumps on Cat Ear Girl's case and begs the other girl to never say anything like that, even in jest. Annoying Girl paints everyone's pinkie claiming it will make their wishes come true.

 

The senior girls are all catering to Hoodie's needs. Hoodie asks after the potential empath in the group. Mikumo reports the empath hasn't "awakened" to her powers yet. Hoodie orders the class to be made to suffer even more.

 

Said suffering seems to involve bunny rabbits. The students are tasked with taking care of the animals.

 

Somebody flashes back to that damn alleyway. The one bloodied woman who had been knocked around is now joined by two other tough women. An angel appears. Bloodied Woman takes out a knife and the girl gang attacks. Silly women - of course you're going to get your ass kicked by one angel. The angel uses her magical weapon to make all three women turn black and explode.

 

The students return to the rabbit hatch to discover all the innocent bunnies have been savagely ripped apart. The sight of the slaughter at least causes Clumsy Girl to erupt with her magic power as CGI flames burst out of her chest. The senior girls appear and announce this was the final lesson. Now there will be a test so the class should get some rest.

 

As the girls are walking back to the dorm that evening, Blonde Japanese Girl is about to say something when she hears a strange noise. She and Clumsy Girl run towards the danger trying to hunt the source of the sound down. They discover a necklace on the ground. All that's left of Klingon Girl.

 

Suddenly Blonde Japanese Girl and Clumsy Girl are attacked by albino zombies, otherwise known as failed students of the academy. One of the zombies grabs Blonde by the ankle. At least Clumsy Girl has the presence of mind to grab a cinderblock and smash the zombie's arms with it.

 

But wait, perhaps these albino zombies aren't just after brains. One of them gets close to Blonde Japanese Girl and warns her to "save the wounded girls." Before she can say anything more, Surgical Mask Girl swoops in and kicks the zombie back.

 

Back at the dorm room, Blonde Japanese Girl is feeling the wounds of the other students. Clumsy Girl, also unable to sleep and feeling alone, asks if she can sleep with Blonde. The two girls crowd in together on the very narrow bed. Ah, we learn Suicide Girl was Blonde's sister. Blonde feels extra guilty because her sister was always asking to sleep with her and Blonde was always saying no.

 

As Blonde Japanese Girl falls asleep she dreams about her sister being bullied by three grown women. Blonde witnesses the bullying yet seems reluctant to come to her sister's rescue. Never fear, here comes an angel to knock the bullies down.

 

It's the day of the test. Kikula announces that from here on out the students will be enacting their own Hunger Games and try to kill each other. She explains the source of their powers comes from their emotional scars. The more they hurt, the more powerful they will be. And don't even think about calling it quits or else they'll end up like Klingon Girl.

 

Angry Girl tries to call it quits and runs for her life. Surgical Mask Girl is hot on her heels. Somewhere, Hoodie is watching all this and enjoying a nice cup of hot semen milk. Angry Girl tries to fight back with her blades of yellow light. Surgical Mask Girl easily dodges the projectiles and gets in close for more bone-crunching action. A solid kick to the head causes Angry Girl to turn black and blow up.

 

And then there were five.

 

The surviving girls decide to band together and fight the senior girls instead of each other. And they'll get right on that right after Annoying Girl drops the kids off at the pool. The other girls make the wrong decision to stay outside the restroom. Unless that's the right decision to stay away from the smell. Whatever. This gives the chance for Surgical Mask Girl to suddenly appear in the restroom and slam Annoying Girl up against the wall.

 

Only it seems Surgical Mask Girl just wants to talk. She pleads with Annoying Girl to fight and become a White Witch. After all, what kind of crappy life does Annoying Girl have to go back to? Surgical Mask Girl removes her mask to show a scarred mouth, done to her by her own father. With a catch in her throat, Surgical Mask Girl begs Annoying Girl to become a White Witch with her so together they can protect young girls being victimized in the world.

 

As the other classmates patiently wait for their fifth one to return, Annoying Girl comes out of the john with her Staff of Power and starts chasing her friends.

 

 

Okay, so we've gone from Cinemax After Dark to UFC Championship.

Innocent Lilies Episode 1 - 3

Innocent Lilies can be found over at Viki.

 

 

 

The show begins with two Japanese girls. One looks like she's been roughed up. The other is blonde (blonde, I say!) and wearing that sailor outfit that Japan likes to inflict upon its female schoolgirls. Roughed Up Girl whines about life being too hard and she wished she was dead. Blonde Japanese Girl points out there are other people in this world suffering much worse. If Roughed Up Girl wants to kill herself then go right ahead. Roughed Up Girl says fine, grabs a knife and is about to slit her wrist when...

 

Blonde Japanese Girl wakes up in a sweat. Ah, so it was only a dream. Or was it a dream of a real past event? Blonde Japanese Girl looks over and sees on her computer that's she's just gotten an email from White Witch Academy.

 

But enough about that. Some dude is being thrown violently around. Holy Crap, he's being knocked around by an angel! Wings and heavenly chorus and all that.

 

After the opening credits we re-join Blonde Japanese Girl who is just arriving at White Witch Academy. Beside her, on the ground, is another new arrival - Clumsy Girl. They're greeted at the gate by Risa Kikula, Mikumo Annz, and Nighera (who is wearing a surgical mask). They give the newbies the tour and a rundown of the history of White Witch Academy. Basically a witch escaped from Europe and found refuge in Japan. She established the school as a haven for Vestal Virgins and such.

 

Blonde Japanese Girl finds a solitary white feather on the floor. Kikula explains it came from a witch's wing. If the newbies study hard, they can learn how to transform and have their own wings. So none of that bell-ringing crap from It's A Wonderful Life.

 

Kikula takes them to the Nurse's Office where the rest of the show's cast are in varying stages of undress. Too many Japanese names are being thrown at me and I'm not getting a one. The girls continue to undress as they get ready to go to the chapel for an initiation ceremony. There is even more stripping as each girl must now get into a bathtub of milk. Lots of cooing, soft focus, and caressing of body parts. (I feel dirty watching this.)

 

Finally they're all back to wearing clothes as Kikula has each of them swear they are virgins and will dedicate themselves to witchcraft. She bestows a necklace on each of them. Now it's time for their first lesson. Somewhere in a parking garage one lone schoolgirl is being bullied by three other schoolgirls. As our pack of newbies watch, Kikula and her sidekicks display their CGI wings. I guess only the newbies can see the wings as the Mean Girls don't seem fazed at all. The Mean Girls go in for the attack. Surgical Mask Girl simply kicks their ass with old fashioned, non-magical kung fu. Mikumo uses her power to freeze time. Then Kikula does something weird. She pulls up her skirt to show her thigh. A bloody mark instantly appears on her thigh, only to then turn into a flintlock pistol. Kikula takes the pistol and shoots the head Mean Girl.

 

WTF am I watching?!?

 

Episode Two starts off with more scintillation as Blonde Japanese Girl and Clumsy Girl are dressed in nightclothes that barely leave anything to the imagination. Clumsy Girl wants to be friends with her roommate but Blonde Japanese Girl keeps her distance. I'm kind of confused as to whether Clumsy Girl is Suicide Girl from the first scene or if she just reminds Blonde Japanese Girl of Suicide Girl. Sorry, but I can't really tell most of these actresses apart.

 

The rest of the cast barges into their dorm room to have tea and sweets. Laughing and bonding ensue.

 

But enough about that. It's back to the alleyway where it turns out I was wrong. That wasn't a dude being knocked around by an angel, it was a woman.

 

But enough about that. It's back to showing off more skin as our newbies are all dressed in swimsuits with their butt cheeks hanging out. Is this soft core porn? Cat Ear Girl softly explains she doesn't know how to swim. This gets her a shove from Surgical Mask Girl into the pool. The girls start swimming as the cameraman starts focusing on their wet breasts and crotch shots.

 

What's this got to do with witchcraft? Nothing.

What's this got to do with beginner's porn? Everything.

 

After being worked to exhaustion, the class is finally allowed to get dressed and go to their classroom where the senior girls lead them in prayers. Suddenly one of the girls whose name I didn't get stands up and jerks around. In the air before her materializes a bat'leth. The other girls are quite happy that she was able to manufacture a Klingon weapon out of thin air. Therefore I shall call you Klingon Girl.

 

Another girl starts to exhibit her powers as well but she has no control over them. A wave of yellow light starts heading towards the class. Mikumo does her time-freezing thing to be able to get Blonde Japanese Girl out of the way before the yellow light hits. As the girls are heading back to their dorm, Blonde Japanese Girl has a close encounter with an albino.

 

Episode Three has the three senior girls welcoming back a forth winged avenger. They help to dress her in the school uniform, the camera paying extra attention to the newcomer's legs. The newcomer wears a hood over most of her face so I shall call her Hoodie.

 

Mikumo gives Hoodie a cup of milk. At least I hope that's milk. Hoodie claims the drink is too hot and she uses her powers to make the cup explode. The white substance splatters all over Mikumo's face. Yes, that's what is called a "money shot." I feel so dirty. So, so dirty.

 

Mikumo, still with white splatter on her face, tells Hoodie about one of the new girls being a potential empath. The newbies are shown up close and in slow motion as they eat frozen semen yogurt. Annoying Girl tells the others about how there is supposedly a ghost wandering around campus. Blonde Japanese Girl thinks back to her encounter the other night.

 

The senior girls come in at that moment to explain the albino isn't a ghost but a student who went mad when she failed to become a witch. The Academy tries to take care of her here on campus.

 

The newbies are taken off for physical education. Yep, more crotch shots, bulging breasts, and girls moaning and grunting. This time it's Annoying Girl and Cat Ear Girl who have their magic breakthrough, making a staff and sword appear. Nerdy Girl is jealous. Later they're all cleaning up the classroom so the show can have all these girls on their knees as they slowly ring out dripping wet rags. I hope my bottle of Brain Bleach is within reach.

 

Nerdy Girl tries to get Klingon Girl to do her part in cleaning. Klingon Girl makes her bat'leth reappear and throws it at Nerdy Girl. As Blonde Japanese Girl is picking the furniture back up she discovers a hidden message written on the bottom of one of the desks. Escape.

 

Nerdy Girl goes to the seniors to report the slackers as well as to express her worries about not having any powers yet. The seniors assure Nerdy Girl she does have powers and she should give it a try. Nerdy Girl gasps in pain and surprise as red tentacles sprout out of her back. Because, you know, Japan loves tentacle porn.

 

Surgical Mask Girl bitch slaps the slackers. Blonde Japanese Girl suspects Nerdy Girl of being the snitch. That night as she's looking out her bedroom window, Blonde Japanese Girl sees Klingon Girl starting to run away from the school. She goes downstairs to stop the other student. As they're talking in front of the gate they're caught by the senior girls. Klingon Girl thinks Blonde Japanese Girl ratted her out. She makes her bat'leth appear again only to have Kikula shoot it out of her hands.

 

The seniors order Blonde Japanese Girl back to her room. They drag Klingon Girl off so Surgical Mask Girl can kick the ever-lovin' shit out of her. Then Kikula pulls her gun out of her thigh again and shoots Klingon Girl in the chest. Klingon Girl turns black then explodes into ash as her necklace (the only thing that remains of her) falls to the ground.

 

 

*Yawn*    That's enough Japanese porn for the night.