I had just finished Perfect Couple, crappy ending and all, but found myself still in the mood for Chinese. So I thought I would check back in with my old bros Baby Bouncer, Loud Mouth, Longbeard, and I Have Only One Line. I haven't seen them in awhile.
Also, I'm knocking back some Benchmark so no telling what will come out of me. Remember, don't drink and blog!
Where the hell is Ruby Lin?
Ah yes, the two minute opening credits. China, we ain't got time for two minutes of opera! Get on with the story!
Lu Su is talking. I've totally forgotten who Lu Su is. Somebody remind me. He's talking to Sun Quan. Okay, it's sort of coming back to me. Sun Quan has something to do with the Southlands and Liu Bei. Thank goodness this show helps me out by showing the character's name when they first appear in the episode. If only all shows did this.
So these guys are wanting Jing province back which is currently in Liu Bei's possession. Sun Quan orders Lu Su to first go check up on Zhou Yu, that crazy general, who is in the process right now of coughing up a lung.
Zhou Yu is in denial of his illness, just like he's in denial of reality. He's been studying up on his obsession, Zhuge Liang. He thinks he's got Big Fan all figured out. This is when Lu Su arrives at camp. Knowing how crazy Zhou Yu is, Lu Su advises the general that now is not the time to attack Liu Bei as they're just not ready yet. Zhou Yu says too bad, the wheels are already in motion.
Lu Su rushes off to meet with Liu Bei before blood is spilled. He reminds Baby Bouncer that word was given that Jing would be returned after Liu Qi's death. Well, what's the hold up? Zhuge Liang points out they're all in mourning for Liu Qi; now isn't the time to discuss handing over the province. Besides, everything in China belongs to the Emperor, who just happens to be Liu Bei's nephew. (Of course with the Han emperor being under the "protection" of Cao Cao, wouldn't that mean Jing Province belongs to Cao Cao?)
Lu Su warns them that they wouldn't be where they are today without Sun Quan's help so hand over the damn province or else Zhou Yu will come over and kick their asses. Zhuge Liang suggests a compromise: as soon as they conquer another province, they'll hand over Jing. Why does everyone suddenly look so fat in this show? It's like they've got twenty layers of clothing on.
Anyway, Lu Su agrees to at least take this proclamation to his lord. On his return trip he stops off at Zhou Yu's camp once again. Zhou Yu tells him what a fool Lu Su is into falling for this claptrap. But tonight let's get smashing drunk! Hell yeah!
Liu Bei's stuntman is getting some sword practice in when he receives word that his wife, Lady Gan, has passed away. This leads Zhou Yu to come up with a plan. Surely Liu Bei will be looking to get remarried as soon as possible. Lord Sun Quan has a sister who is of marriageable age. (Is this Ruby Lin??) They'll have Sun Quan invite Liu Bei into the Southlands to marry the sister. As soon as Liu Bei steps into their territory they'll take him prisoner with his ransom being Jing Province.
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