So I was perusing though Viki's archives when this French costume drama caught my eye and I decided to give it a try.
The year is 1743. Phillipe de Valcourt is riding in to join his father the marquess for dinner. He thinks he brings good news when he announces he's been promoted to the rank of colonel and an aide de camp to a duke. Dad is not impressed as he sees this as just another way for his ne're-do-well son to stay as far away from any fighting as he can. There's a good reason why Dad is displeased with Phillipe. While getting his will in order, Dad has discovered Phillipe has been forging his name in order to get large loans so he can pay for favors at court. Therefore Dad has decided to leave the bulk of the family estate to his daughter, Jolanne.
Phillipe can't believe it. Jolanne is a bastard daughter Dad fathered on his native housekeeper from Macao. Dad has legally recognized Jolanne and hopes she has inherited all the good genes he apparently hasn't been able to pass on to Phillipe.
Jolanne is off at a convent getting schooled. That night she sneaks into the bed of her very good friend, Laure. And when I say good friend I mean really, really, really good friend. It just so happens the tall Laure is also engaged to be married to the slightly shorter than she Phillipe.
Back home, Phillipe helps his father go to sleep - the Big Sleep - with a pillow over the face. With the will not scheduled to be read until Jolanne is present, Phillipe attempts to bribe the notary who has the document in his possession. The notary just barely stays straight and refuses the bribe. Thwarted.
Phillipe's next evil step is to try to marry Jolanne off to some old baron he owes money to. Jolanne is less than thrilled at the idea and refuses the proposal. (Perhaps she doesn't want to leave her really, really, really good friend Laure.) While the family is hosting the funeral at the castle and feeding all their guests, a messengers races in to report the shocking news that the notary's house is on fire. A-ha: no will is good will.
That evening Jolanne and Laure have a lover's spat when Jolanne tries to convince her really, really, really good friend not to marry Phillipe. Laure doesn't care what kind of scoundrel Phillipe is. She wants to be a marchioness and go to Paris and not have to smell peasants!
The notary tells Phillipe that the house and all the important papers (wills, land deeds, etc.) are a total loss. However, since he was about to read it to the public, the notary just happened to have the late marquess' will safe at another location. Phillipe simply rips the will out of the notary's hands and throws the guys out the front door.
Phillipe goes to Jolanne's room and starts feeling her up! Jolanne knees him in the balls and takes off, grabbing a horse and riding willy nilly into the woods. Good thing she was dressed in male clothing (although I don't know why she was dressed this way). She nearly runs off a cliff. When she dismounts her horse is like, "I'm outta here!" and runs away. As Jolanne is standing near the edge of the cliff, thinking back to her loving father, a man rides up. He thinks she's a young man about to throw himself into the river below so grabs Jolanne from behind.
After realizing his mistake our mystery man gives Jolanne a ride back. Along the way he explains he's from Ireland (or so he says) and is secretly working for the French while they're at war with England. He's not wearing a uniform because he's on a secret mission to meet with Phillipe. (Remember, he's a colonel.)
Mystery Man takes Jolanne to an abandoned church where we get the obligatory flash of female nudity as Jolanne changes into some dry clothes. Mystery Man uncovers a secret passage that leads from the church to the chateau. Before they part ways he grabs her for a long kiss goodbye. Probably her first kiss. From a man, that is.
Up at the chateau, Phillipe turns a candelabra in order to open the secret passage door. Mystery Man (sure would like to know your name) delivers a large amount of gold in exchange for a map and battle plans. These plans are overheard by Isabelle, mother of Laure and secretly one of Phillipe's lovers. She kind of makes me think of Vanessa Redgrave.
After Mystery Man leaves, Isabelle enters the room to confront Phillipe for being a traitor to France. He assures her he has plans to have the mystery man killed and the map retrieved so no one will ever know about this. But Isabelle knows. In return for her silence she wants Phillipe to marry her instead of Laure. Phillipe doesn't want her saggy breasts. She slaps him. When he slaps her back Isabelle falls and hits her head on the corner of the desk. Looks like there's going to be another funeral.
When Mystery Man returns to the abandoned church he's surprised to find Jolanne is still there. She begs for him to take her with him but of course he can't do that. Suddenly Phillipe's men attack. Jolanne helps to run interference so Mystery Man can escape.
With the help of Laroche, a crooked policeman on his payroll, Phillipe sets about to frame Jolanne. Planting some money in her bedroom, Phillipe accuses Jolanne of having told the spy about the secret passage. When the spy came into Phillipe's office to steal the military plans, Isabelle discovered him and the spy murdered her. Laroche arrests Jolanne for treason as well as being an accomplice to murder.
Jolanne is rushed through a trial and sentenced to be beheaded. Laroche is transporting her to her execution in Paris. As a dejected Jolanne rides inside a big cage she catches sight of Mystery Man riding past their cavalcade. They have to stop for the night at an inn and a filthy Jolanne is brought o Laroche's room for "interrogation." Jolanne pretends to go along with his "interrogation" in order to get her shackles off. Once she's free she slugs Laroche in the face with her chains and then jumps out of the first storey window.
With soldiers firing at her (and missing) as she runs through the courtyard, Mystery Man rides up like the romance hero he is and lifts Jolanne up onto his horse. Once they get away safely to a friend's farm, we get some explanations as well as another obligatory nude shot. Mystery Man's name is Craig Walker. He's tells Jolanne he's really English, he had nothing to do with the death of Isabelle and it was Phillipe who truly committed treason by selling the battle plans. Craig plans on taking Jolanne to his mother's place in Ireland until the war is over, then he'll testify to Phillipe's perfidy and clear Jolanne's name.
Now it's time for sex. Probably her first time. With a man, that is.
Phillipe's next evil step is to try to marry Jolanne off to some old baron he owes money to. Jolanne is less than thrilled at the idea and refuses the proposal. (Perhaps she doesn't want to leave her really, really, really good friend Laure.) While the family is hosting the funeral at the castle and feeding all their guests, a messengers races in to report the shocking news that the notary's house is on fire. A-ha: no will is good will.
That evening Jolanne and Laure have a lover's spat when Jolanne tries to convince her really, really, really good friend not to marry Phillipe. Laure doesn't care what kind of scoundrel Phillipe is. She wants to be a marchioness and go to Paris and not have to smell peasants!
The notary tells Phillipe that the house and all the important papers (wills, land deeds, etc.) are a total loss. However, since he was about to read it to the public, the notary just happened to have the late marquess' will safe at another location. Phillipe simply rips the will out of the notary's hands and throws the guys out the front door.
Phillipe goes to Jolanne's room and starts feeling her up! Jolanne knees him in the balls and takes off, grabbing a horse and riding willy nilly into the woods. Good thing she was dressed in male clothing (although I don't know why she was dressed this way). She nearly runs off a cliff. When she dismounts her horse is like, "I'm outta here!" and runs away. As Jolanne is standing near the edge of the cliff, thinking back to her loving father, a man rides up. He thinks she's a young man about to throw himself into the river below so grabs Jolanne from behind.
After realizing his mistake our mystery man gives Jolanne a ride back. Along the way he explains he's from Ireland (or so he says) and is secretly working for the French while they're at war with England. He's not wearing a uniform because he's on a secret mission to meet with Phillipe. (Remember, he's a colonel.)
Mystery Man takes Jolanne to an abandoned church where we get the obligatory flash of female nudity as Jolanne changes into some dry clothes. Mystery Man uncovers a secret passage that leads from the church to the chateau. Before they part ways he grabs her for a long kiss goodbye. Probably her first kiss. From a man, that is.
Up at the chateau, Phillipe turns a candelabra in order to open the secret passage door. Mystery Man (sure would like to know your name) delivers a large amount of gold in exchange for a map and battle plans. These plans are overheard by Isabelle, mother of Laure and secretly one of Phillipe's lovers. She kind of makes me think of Vanessa Redgrave.
After Mystery Man leaves, Isabelle enters the room to confront Phillipe for being a traitor to France. He assures her he has plans to have the mystery man killed and the map retrieved so no one will ever know about this. But Isabelle knows. In return for her silence she wants Phillipe to marry her instead of Laure. Phillipe doesn't want her saggy breasts. She slaps him. When he slaps her back Isabelle falls and hits her head on the corner of the desk. Looks like there's going to be another funeral.
When Mystery Man returns to the abandoned church he's surprised to find Jolanne is still there. She begs for him to take her with him but of course he can't do that. Suddenly Phillipe's men attack. Jolanne helps to run interference so Mystery Man can escape.
With the help of Laroche, a crooked policeman on his payroll, Phillipe sets about to frame Jolanne. Planting some money in her bedroom, Phillipe accuses Jolanne of having told the spy about the secret passage. When the spy came into Phillipe's office to steal the military plans, Isabelle discovered him and the spy murdered her. Laroche arrests Jolanne for treason as well as being an accomplice to murder.
Jolanne is rushed through a trial and sentenced to be beheaded. Laroche is transporting her to her execution in Paris. As a dejected Jolanne rides inside a big cage she catches sight of Mystery Man riding past their cavalcade. They have to stop for the night at an inn and a filthy Jolanne is brought o Laroche's room for "interrogation." Jolanne pretends to go along with his "interrogation" in order to get her shackles off. Once she's free she slugs Laroche in the face with her chains and then jumps out of the first storey window.
With soldiers firing at her (and missing) as she runs through the courtyard, Mystery Man rides up like the romance hero he is and lifts Jolanne up onto his horse. Once they get away safely to a friend's farm, we get some explanations as well as another obligatory nude shot. Mystery Man's name is Craig Walker. He's tells Jolanne he's really English, he had nothing to do with the death of Isabelle and it was Phillipe who truly committed treason by selling the battle plans. Craig plans on taking Jolanne to his mother's place in Ireland until the war is over, then he'll testify to Phillipe's perfidy and clear Jolanne's name.
Now it's time for sex. Probably her first time. With a man, that is.
No comments:
Post a Comment