Vikings Episode 1

Rites Of Passage

Eastern Baltic, 793 A.D. Thunderstorms likely with a chance of getting brutally slaughtered in combat. With dead bodies liberally sprinkled all around, two men work together to slice and dice what I take to be the enemy. My goodness, History Channel - so graphically bloody! The closed captions stay faithful to every "Argh", "Ungh", and "Aghhhh". 

The one enemy left is like, "The hell with this!" and tries to take off. Ragnar of the incredible blue eyes plucks a spear from the ground and he shoots, he scores! He and his compadre, Rollo, are the only ones left alive. As the ravens begin to land for lunch, Ragnar thinks he spies someone in the distance. Is that Gandalf from Lord of the Rings? Sure looks like it. Oh wait, no, its Odin. Holy crap, Ragnar's trippin'! 

We relocate to Scandinavia, where naturally everyone speaks English. Ragnar's wife Lagertha doesn't want him taking their young son Bjorn to the Thing. She wants to wait another year but Ragnar believes Bjorn is ready this year. As father and son set out on their journey, Ragnar explains how Earl Haraldson will decide where the Norsemen will go for the summer raids. Haraldson is always sending his people to the East. Ragnar craves to head for the West and see what's there. 

Meanwhile back at the homestead, Lagertha is teaching her daughter how to weave when a couple of creepy guys show up. Inbreds! With the menfolk away, the inbreds think the women are easy pickings. Lagertha beats the ever-lovin' shit out of them and sends the two inbreds on their way. 

Ragnar and Bjorn arrive at the Thing. There are slaves, furs, and chickens being offered. Father and son head for what is most important - booze. While Bjorn goes to sleep it off, Ragnar works on convincing Rollo to go a-viking to the West to lands of silver and gold. He shows off his new toys - a sunboard and a sunstone. With these things they can find their way sailing the open waters.

Earl Haraldson is played by Gabriel Byrne! He's presiding over Law & Order: Viking Style. He seems to have railroaded (once railroads are invented) some guy into being executed for murder so the earl can get some much coveted land.

Bjorn and another boy go through a relatively simple manhood initiation rite. I thought they would have to fight a bear or something. I'm kind of disappointed. Anyway, Ragnar again tries to convince his lord to head West this year instead of the same old same old. Haraldson doesn't want to risk his ships. They'll go where he says they'll go and that's East. End of story. Now its time to pig out. 

While everyone else is out in the main hall, Ragnar is invited in to the private dining room of the earl for a talk. Haraldson, tired of Ragnar's disrespect, makes some thinly veiled threats against him.

Ragnar takes his son to speak with a seer about the future. He's not pleased with the shaman's answers. Now father and son go to see someone named Floki. He's some weird dude who hangs out in the forest communing with trees. That is when he's not building ships. He's secretly building a ship with some new innovations for Ragnar.

Father and son return home. Lagertha is so pleased to see her husband again she throws him to the floor and rides him into the sunset. Later after he's caught his breath, Ragnar tells Rollo about the ship being almost done. Rollo refuses to sail with Ragnar unless they are equals. Ragnar replies they will always be equals. (Meaning sometime later in the story they won't be equals.)  

Ragnar goes outside to piss. Inside, Rollo makes a pass at Lagertha. Ragnar has another raven vision. Too bad it is so dark you can't see what he sees.

Ragnar, Rollo and Floki take their new boat out for a test run. Haraldson's man spies on them and reports back to his master.