My Internet Explorer has been acting wacky lately. Please don't let it be another virus.
Guan Yu and Zhang Fei are getting their drink on when Sun Qian bursts in to announce Xiahou Dun is marching his army towards Xinye. They don't exactly jump into action at this news, prompting elder brother Liu Bei to come ask just what the hell are they doing. Loudmouth is all, Why don't you send Zhuge Liang out to fight since he's so great and wonderful. Liu Bei doesn't have time to deal with this petty little jealousy.
He calls a meeting with all his generals and reminds them they must all obey the Director General or else face the consequences. Zhuge Liang starts giving out military orders, even to his boss Liu Bei.
Just as Liu Bei and his men are marching off, young Liu Qi comes riding up. His father, Liu Biao, is getting sicker and sicker, but Liu Qi hasn't been able to see him because of Lady Cai. Liu Qi asks for military support which puts Liu Bei in a sticky spot. He tells the young man to go talk to Zhuge Liang.
Which leads to a really strange scene. In order to get Zhuge Liang to help him, Liu Qi invites the Director General over to have a gander at a long lost military text. This just makes Zhuge Liang all goose pimply. Liu Qi escorts his guest upstairs to the attic where the text is kept. Once up there, Liu Qi signals to his servants to have the ladder removed, thus trapping the two men upstairs. Liu Qi won't have the ladder brought back unless and until Zhuge Liang advises him on what to do with Cai Mao.
Now this nonsensical scene is an attempt to distract the audience from the fact that a battle is going on but the producers couldn't afford to show it. Everything happens off screen. (Where'd all the money go, producers?? Remember that bad ass battle between Cao Cao and Yuan Shao? Did you blow all your wad on that?) Anyway, now that Zhuge Liang's military strategies worked, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei are singing a different tune and are all buddy buddy with the Director General.
Later, Zhuge Liang warns his boss that Cao Cao's army will be back. In order to feel safer, he advises Liu Bei to take over Jing Province once the sickly Liu Biao dies. Which is kinda dirty if you ask me, but you didn't, so let's move on. Right on cue a messenger arrives to report Liu Biao is on his last leg and wants to see Liu Bei.
The dying old man realizes neither of his sons are up to ruling Jing Province, so Liu Biao begs Liu Bei to take it over. Liu Bei refuses, saying Liu Qi as firstborn should inherit the land. The old man keeps begging. This is all interrupted by the news that Cao Cao and his army are on the move again and Zhao "This is my only line" Yun asks Liu Bei to return to Xinye.
Back at their fortress, Zhuge Liang recommends Liu Bei abandon Xinye and hightail it over to Jiangxia, where Liu Qi is. They'll booby trap Xinye for when Cao Cao's army thinks to occupy it. Of course this means all the citizens of Xinye will be homeless. Liu Bei orders to bring the civilians along with them, which is against Zhuge Liang's advice.
Meanwhile, old man Liu Biao dies and young Liu Cong is named the successor. General Cai Mao advises the young man that they are no match for Cao Cao so their best bet is to simply surrender. Cao Cao makes a very brief appearance at the very end when he shows up to accept the keys to the kingdom (in the name of the Emperor, of course) from Liu Cong.
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