Cao Cao presents Red Hare to Guan Yu. And really, why not? After all, Lu Bu is dead. Somebody might as well ride Red Hare Who Isn't Red And Isn't A Hare. Guan Yu is just tickled pink. But then, he's always had a ruddy complexion. He's more red hare than Red Hare. Longbeard profusely thanks Cao Cao for the horse that can run a thousand miles in a day. This way, whenever Guan Yu learns the whereabouts of Liu Bei, it won't take him any time at all to ride off and join his brother. Cao Cao doesn't say it but you can tell this isn't what he wanted to hear.
Guan Yu takes the horse for a ride so he isn't around when Cao Cao is hit with another one of his headaches and collapses to the ground. His (jealous) generals beg for their leader to order the death of Guan Yu, otherwise Longbeard will become a formidable enemy in the future. Cao Cao is barely conscious, his head bobbing, which the generals take as a nod to the order to kill Guan Yu. They start to ride off. Thank goodness Zhang Liao has a cooler head. He makes Cao Cao come to his senses and order the generals back.
Meanwhile, Liu Bei is missing his brothers and invisible wives when Xu You comes to visit. Both men express frustration with their lord, Yuan Shao. It's been nearly six months and he still hasn't done much of anything concerning Cao Cao. The men decide to work together to pressure Yuan to shit or get off the pot. But just when they get the old man to decide to move out, another advisor, Tian Feng, convinces Yuan Shao to stay put. What a wishy washy lord this Yuan is.
Liu Bei goes on a walk with Yuan Shao and manages to undo the damage Tian Feng did, so the war is back on. Not only that, but to the glee of Xu You, that wimp Tian Feng is demoted to stable hand.
Cao Cao marches out with his army. Guan Yu pleads to join him but the prime minister sends him back home to rest. However, the war isn't going in his favor and in the end Cao Cao summons Guan Yu to come to him.
CGI armies face off on the battlefield (and here my video feed ain't worth crap tonight) as Guan Yu has his heroic entrance. He rides forward alone to face off with the opposing general. Without even breaking a sweat, Longbeard has the guy down with one swipe of his halberd.
Yuan Shao is riding along in his big ass Cadillac of a war chariot (I thought Cao Cao had the only big ass Cadillac of a war chariot) when a messenger arrives to tell everyone about the death of the general. Thus Liu Bei learns his beloved brother is alive and in cahoots with his greatest enemy. Yuan Shao, because he's stupid, orders Liu Bei to be executed thinking he was working with Cao Cao all along. Liu Bei manages to talk his way out of parting with his head. Yuan Shao, because he's stupid, instead has poor Tian Feng (whom I'm starting to feel sorry for) beaten nearly to death and sentenced to be burned at the stake at a later date.
Oh good, my video feed straightens itself out just in time for some battle action. Guan Yu rides out on the field for more fancy slicing and dicing. Watching from a hill, Liu Bei, who had been hoping this had all been a case of mistaken identity, sees for himself that it is Guan Yu and he's on Cao Cao's side. Yuan Shao and his men are forced to retreat.
Yuan Shao's back to wanting to execute Liu Bei. Liu Bei is back to talking his way out of it long enough to try and convince Guan Yu to come join the other side. He sends a secret letter to his brother. Tearfully happy to learn Liu Bei is alive, Guan Yu plans to leave the next day with Liu Bei's wives because he's naive enough to believe that Cao Cao will simply let him go.
Notice how no one seems to be too concerned about that loudmouth, Zhang Fei?
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