I was seriously going to do Three Kingdoms when I got totally distracted by the Sailor Moon Abridged series. There are some damn clever people on the internet.
Diaochan is deep in mourning. She just sits and stares all day, not eating or grooming herself. Cao Cao offers to grant her any wish she has if she'll just clean up. Diaochan has one wish: to give her husband, Lu Bu, an elaborate funeral fit for a lord. This is permitted.
Diaochan washes Lu Bu's body while perched on the edge of a waterfall because... well, because it just makes sense to wash a body while being precariously near the edge of a steep waterfall.
That evening she is dancing and singing sadly as she flashes back to happier times with Lu Bu. Cao Cao walks in and complements her on her performance. Diaochan lays it out for Cao Cao: he will never ever ever ever be man enough to equal Lu Bu. Cao Cao starts towards her when she pulls out the Seven Star Dagger. He demands she hand it over to him. Instead, she slits her own throat with it! Oh Diaochan, you were the only female character with lines in this whole show! Cao Cao takes the dagger and washes her blood off the blade.
Cao Cao is back to strategizing and makes plans to go back to war with Yuan Shao. Also, he has to finally decide what to do with the troublesome Liu Bei. Xun Yu and the other suck-ups propose Cao Cao keep his promise to Liu Bei to make him protector of Xu province, just not allow him to have any real power. Cao Cao is about to agree to this when a delegation of townsfolk come to petition him to make Liu Bei protector of Xu province. They laud Liu Bei to high heaven, going on and on about all the great things he has done for the people. Naturally this changes Cao Cao's mind after hearing how popular Liu Bei is. Can't leave a potential rival out of his sight, eh.
Cao Cao makes Liu Bei accompany him back to Xuchang where the (powerless) emperor resides. The young emperor rewards Cao Cao for all his military wins by making him prime minister. Liu Bei is introduced and he's all fangirl for the emperor. After finding out they are distantly related (and I do mean distantly), the emperor starts calling Liu Bei uncle and granting him all sorts of gifts. The emperor isn't completely stupid. With Cao Cao taking control of the court, the emperor needs to find allies on the outside. Liu Bei has already proven himself an able general and loyal to the Han dynasty.
Cao Cao plans a hunt outside the city and invites the emperor along. (Invites as in "I don't care if you want to or not, you're going on a hunt with me.") It takes an army of men to hunt down one little deer. Run, Bambi, run! The emperor takes a shot but his arrow misses. Cao Cao shoots and scores and the army cheer wildly. The message is loud and clear to the emperor as well as the Three Musketeers.
That evening the three brothers discuss what to do about Cao Cao when an imperial message is delivered. The emperor caught a cold while on the hunt and he asks all royal relatives to visit him. And we fade away to credits. C'mon, Show! You did so well ending the last episode. I thought you had learned something.
Diaochan is deep in mourning. She just sits and stares all day, not eating or grooming herself. Cao Cao offers to grant her any wish she has if she'll just clean up. Diaochan has one wish: to give her husband, Lu Bu, an elaborate funeral fit for a lord. This is permitted.
Diaochan washes Lu Bu's body while perched on the edge of a waterfall because... well, because it just makes sense to wash a body while being precariously near the edge of a steep waterfall.
That evening she is dancing and singing sadly as she flashes back to happier times with Lu Bu. Cao Cao walks in and complements her on her performance. Diaochan lays it out for Cao Cao: he will never ever ever ever be man enough to equal Lu Bu. Cao Cao starts towards her when she pulls out the Seven Star Dagger. He demands she hand it over to him. Instead, she slits her own throat with it! Oh Diaochan, you were the only female character with lines in this whole show! Cao Cao takes the dagger and washes her blood off the blade.
Cao Cao is back to strategizing and makes plans to go back to war with Yuan Shao. Also, he has to finally decide what to do with the troublesome Liu Bei. Xun Yu and the other suck-ups propose Cao Cao keep his promise to Liu Bei to make him protector of Xu province, just not allow him to have any real power. Cao Cao is about to agree to this when a delegation of townsfolk come to petition him to make Liu Bei protector of Xu province. They laud Liu Bei to high heaven, going on and on about all the great things he has done for the people. Naturally this changes Cao Cao's mind after hearing how popular Liu Bei is. Can't leave a potential rival out of his sight, eh.
Cao Cao makes Liu Bei accompany him back to Xuchang where the (powerless) emperor resides. The young emperor rewards Cao Cao for all his military wins by making him prime minister. Liu Bei is introduced and he's all fangirl for the emperor. After finding out they are distantly related (and I do mean distantly), the emperor starts calling Liu Bei uncle and granting him all sorts of gifts. The emperor isn't completely stupid. With Cao Cao taking control of the court, the emperor needs to find allies on the outside. Liu Bei has already proven himself an able general and loyal to the Han dynasty.
Cao Cao plans a hunt outside the city and invites the emperor along. (Invites as in "I don't care if you want to or not, you're going on a hunt with me.") It takes an army of men to hunt down one little deer. Run, Bambi, run! The emperor takes a shot but his arrow misses. Cao Cao shoots and scores and the army cheer wildly. The message is loud and clear to the emperor as well as the Three Musketeers.
That evening the three brothers discuss what to do about Cao Cao when an imperial message is delivered. The emperor caught a cold while on the hunt and he asks all royal relatives to visit him. And we fade away to credits. C'mon, Show! You did so well ending the last episode. I thought you had learned something.
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