Darna Episode 9

I can't seem to help myself. I'm strangely addicted to this show, which you can see over at Viki.

 

The story so far: During their battle, Darna was able to separate Plain Ol' Evil Woman from that monkey on her back. Free from the influence of the monster, Roma is trying to regain her humanity with the help of tasty dish Gabriel. Meanwhile, the imp/troll/my last boss has been running around killing fat people, eating cats and attaching itself to various hosts. Lastly, we learn Valentina is alive, but her mighty fall has knocked all the snakes out of her head and she's totally bald.

 

Valentina is quite giddy to find herself alive and snake-free. And really, who can blame her? But here comes her big snake dad, Cobra Commander, to inform her she's shedding. (Really, these special effects are just so, so bad. But my heart will go on.) Valentina thinks of nothing but returning to Eduardo (not knowing her love spell has been broken) but dad won't allow it.

 

After rescuing street kid Carding from the imp, Darna flies away before those blooming idiots from the paper can interview her. They interview the kid instead and he laps up the attention. Transformed back, Narda returns to invite Carding back to her orphanage.

 

Cobra explains to a captive Valentina that they are Reptilios and should be ruling the world. Instead of wimpy Eduardo, Cobra wants his daughter to hook up with a Filipino UFC champion who is also secretly a Reptilio. Together they should make lots and lots of little Reptilios. Valentina doesn't cotton to this mission so her father sends her to her room - which happens to be a dark snakepit.

On their way to the orphanage, crippled Narda is harassed by a couple of men. Carding defends her with his blow darts and they manage to get away. Afterwards, Darna returns to teach the guys a lesson. A disapproving Filipino Isis watches from the bushes.

Roma is out in the garden admiring the flowers when she's found by the imp. He (she? it?) wants to climb back up on Roma's back just like old times. Roma runs back into the chapel and interestingly the imp is unable to follow her onto holy ground.

Eww, I learn how Narda gets the magic stone back. She just chucks it back up. Filipino Isis scolds Narda for using her powers for petty revenge.  

Valentina finds a tunnel and escapes the pit, climbing all the way back to the surface. And guess who should see her but the imp himself/herself/itself. Cobra Commander yells at his snakes and I learn a new word: inutile.

Gabriel finds Roma leaving the church with her bags backed. She doesn't feel safe here anymore. He agrees to take her to stay with a friend in Manila. As they're walking together towards one of those tiny taxis, Narda emerges from the bushes behind them. She knows Roma was formerly Plain Ol' Evil Woman and was wanting to talk to her about the imp.

They climb into the taxi and Gabriel orders the driver to take them to the bus terminal. The driver says they're going to Hell instead. Ahh, it's the imp! Dang, that thing gets around with such stumpy legs. Oh no, it's attacked scrumptious Gabriel! Narda hears Roma's screams. Um, now would be a good time to swallow your rock, Narda.

The imp threatens to tear Gabriel's heart out of his broad, muscular chest if Roma doesn't allow it to join back up with her. Roma grabs a piece of broken glass and holds it to her neck, threatening to kill herself, which would also end the imp's life since they are so entwined. This is enough to scare the imp off... for now. Narda flags down another tiny taxi (it's just a motorcycle with a side cart) and they take Gabriel to the hospital. I'm more amazed four grown people were able to fit on this contraption.

Dr. Morgan is anxious to capture the imp/Evil Woman for study. When he hears the legendary Darna is also back, he orders his minion, Apollo, to capture the superheroine as well. That crazy doc wants to see if he can create his own army of freaks and geeks. I bet Apollo is thinking to himself, "This is not in my job description. And why did my parents name me Apollo?"

Valentina, wearing an absolutely hideous dress she stole off a clothesline, climbs into a sleeping Eduardo's bed. Eduardo wakes up and jumps out of bed. He's probably scared shitless by that ugly dress. While he's glad she's alive, Eduardo makes it plain there ain't no way he's marrying her now. When he asks where she's been all this time, Valentina makes up a story about temporary memory loss. She begs Eduardo to allow her to stay at his house as she has nowhere else to go. He agrees.

At the hospital the ladies learn Gabriel will be alright. Knowing Narda had witnessed the whole episode out on the road, Roma starts to explain her life story and having an evil twin living in her hump. The two women become friends.

The orphans are having breakfast. Carding is just now realizing that Narda's name can be rearranged to become Darna. (Yet no one sees that Narda and Darna look exactly alike. C'mon, people. It's not like she's wearing a mask.) Aleli's boyfriend rushes in to announce the bank in town is being robbed right this very moment! This looks like a job for Darna.

May Queen Episode 22

After slapping her, evil Chang Hee fires Hae Joo and orders her out of the building. He goes back to his office, followed by In Hwa, and both of them act like nothing just happened. Many of us viewers rise up in protest, but what can we do? It's a drama. Oh, but it gets worse. Out in the hallway the two women run into each other and In Hwa just has to make the gawd-awful comment that she found Chang Hee really attractive when he slapped Hae Joo. (Are you frickin' kidding me?!? You found a man attractive when he hit another woman?!? I just can't comprehend...)

 

Kang San meets with Bong Hee (who is still looking sharp) about what she found out about "Akiyama" over in Japan. She tells him the Japanese police determined the car accident was really a double suicide involving San's parents. (I still suspect Do Hyun is somehow mixed up in this.) The date of death is listed as August 12, 1986. San repeats this date several times, so I'm thinking it will be important later on. 

 

Before he leaves for his one month suspension, Jeong Woo asks his little minion to keep an eye out for anyone using that fake phone (the one that sent Hae Joo the picture of the bloody license plate). Bong Hee and Kang San drop by to ask what happened. Jeong Woo says it was all evil Chang Hee's doing, which puts Bong Hee on the warpath. Go, woman, go!

 

Il Mun is in his father's office, learning he's been demoted, when Bong Hee comes charging in and grabs Chang Hee by the tie. She chastises him for dumping the girl he's dated for 15 years and now backstabbing the man who's been like a second father to him. Evil Chang Hee forcefully removes her hand and threatens her employment status. Bong Hee beats him to the punch by quitting Cheonji. Before leaving she warns Chang Hee to keep away from her or she'll stab him with her high heels. [Insert happy dance here.]

 

Kang San and Hae Joo play around with propellers. (Blanking out here.... Missing Bong Hee...)

 

Geum Hee gets the test results back from Ye Olde DNA Shoppe and the report claims she's not the mother of Hae Joo. Of course we know Il Mun messed with the results.

Jeong Woo continues to work his wiles on Il Mun to get the young man to turn against his father. He even plants the seed that Do Hyun may give his position over to Chang Hee instead of his own son. Afterwards, Il Mun timeslips back to the Nineties (Hanson is playing in the background) to meet with Young Joo. (Whoops, almost typed Young Ji. That's a completely different kdrama.) She tries to return all the gifts her nosey little sister found. Il Mun just gives Young Joo an expensive necklace.

As he's preparing food for a planned picnic with Hae Joo, Kang San has a hilarious daydream of how he would like for the picnic/date to go. The reality is quite different as Hae Joo doesn't come to the picnic alone. She's brought along Grandpa Dae Pyung in hopes of reconciling the two men. San wants no part of it and walks off.

Chang Hee and In Hwa go hiking. Like all DramaKorean women, In Hwa trips and falls easily and injures her ankle, giving Chang Hee the excuse to carry her on his back.

Hae Joo finds Kang San moping on his boat. He gives her the book of spells to read so she'll understand just what a bastard his grandfather is.

Bong Hee moves out of the big house and in with Jeong Woo, whether he likes it or not.

Hae Joo breaks it to her mom about being fired. Later, as a tearful Hae Joo burns all of Chang Hee's letters, Dal Soon gets that "I'm gonna kick somebody's ass!" look on her face.

When he learns of Hae Joo being fired, Do Hyun orders Chang Hee to reinstate her immediately. Do Hyun wants to use her for industrial espionage concerning Kang San's development of an azimuth thruster.

After padding the show with a series of flashbacks, Dal Soon marches up to the big house. She literally pushes the gimp, Gi Cheol, aside and barges in. As Gi Cheol stands there helplessly, Dal Soon informs Geum Hee she was right all along, that Hae Joo is her long lost daughter.

I'm going to guess that Gi Cheol will convince Geum Hee that Dal Soon is making this up in order to get back at Chang Hee for dumping and firing Hae Joo. Remember, Geum Hee has that (falsified) DNA report. Plus we've got at least ten more episodes to go.

Three Kingdoms Episode 33

Okay, this is still Jiang Hu subs, which is a good thing. However, we're back to the two minute opening credits. I know - beggars can't be choosers.

 

The episode opens with some absolutely breath-taking scenery as Liu Bei and his clan are traveling to meet with this Zhuge Liang. When they arrive at the hermit's house (which is built over a waterfall! Oh, and there's another, bigger waterfall behind it. I want this house!!!), a servant informs them his master has just left on a journey.

 

As the disappointed Liu Bei is heading back, he runs into Zhouping, a disciple of Zhuge Liang's. They stop and have a spot of tea together and discuss how things are.

 

More amazing scenery as time passes and the snow begins to fall. Finally Liu Bei receives word that Zhuge Liang is back from his journey. He and his brothers quickly set out to intercept the sage. On their way up the mountain they see a new tavern has just opened up and they decide to dew drop inn. There are two old wise men inside enjoying some wine and Liu Bei pays their tab since they're friends of Zhuge Liang.

 

When Liu Bei eventually reaches the house, he's disappointed to find the person at home is Zhuge Jun, Liang's younger brother, who has no real idea where his older brother has wandered off to or when he'll be back.

 

Liu Bei returns home to encounter more troubles with that Cai Mao. Zhang Fei and Guan Yu, neither ones big on this Sleeping Dragon deal, both try to talk their elder brother out of chasing after Liang. Liu Bei sticks to his guns, though. He dumps some little turtle shells out on his desk. I guess this is an early version of heads and tails. They're all heads! Or, maybe they're all tails. Either way, Liu Bei reads the turtle shells as an auspicious sign to head back up the mountain.

 

They arrive to find the Sleeping Dragon is, well, sleeping. Liu Bei goes inside to wait, leaving instructions to his two brothers to behave themselves. Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts.

 

It doesn't. Zhang Fei gets tired of waiting for this Zhuge Liang to wake up from his nap so he sets the man's house on fire! Zhang Fei, you ass! Yet even as the house fills with smoke, Liu Bei doesn't want to disturb the sage. Liu Bei, you ass! The house is on fire! Wake the man up! Guan Yu, you ass. (I didn't want to leave him out.)

 

Eventually Zhuge Liang wakes up on his own. He grabs his big feather fan to fan the smoke away as I have Three Kingdoms RPG flashbacks. I guess the waterfall out back puts the fire out as no one seems to be doing anything about it.

 

Liu Bei has tea with Zhuge Liang and his big fan. The wise man lays out plans for Liu Bei, which includes seizing Jing Province from the aging Liu Biao, taking over the Riverlands, making an alliance with the Sun brothers, and finally defeating Cao Cao. I just hope this all leads to Ruby Lin finally making a damn appearance.

May Queen Episode 21

Hae Joo refuses to believe what Dal Soon is telling her. Dal Soon goes back into Pregnant Bitch Mom mode in an effort to push Hae Joo away from the Loser Family and go live with Geum Hee up at the big house.

 

Kang San starts reading the book of spells (AKA his father's diary) and learns his mother's name is Chae Kyung Mi. Turns out Grandpa Dae Pyung was quite a bastard back in the day. When he found out his son was dating a mere welder, Dae Pyung tried to have Kyung Mi kidnapped and killed. That's why Kang Woon had to smuggle her out of the country. Once in Japan, San was born. Then bastard Dae Pyung and his goons show up and forcefully take the baby away. These events make the mother mentally unstable and the father almost suicidal.

 

Kang San goes to confront his grandfather, who doesn't deny any of it. San tearfully cuts his ties with Dae Pyung, and so do I. I thought you were a good guy, Grandpa! I'm quite upset by this.

Hae Joo goes out to her rock by the sea for some Deep Thoughts. She decides to return to the Loser family and asks Dal Soon not to say anything to Yoon Jeong Woo or Geum Hee.

While Chang Hee and Do Hyun plot to get rid of of Jeong Woo, Jeong Woo plots to get Il Mun to change sides and help him get rid of Do Hyun.

Hae Joo and idiot Sang Tae have a bonding moment. I notice he never does apologize for hitting her. I guess you take what you can get.

A worried Geum Hee asks Do Hyun about Il Mun. She wonders why her ex-brother-in-law is doing this to her family. Do Hyun answers he believes Jeong Woo is really after him and this may be because of what happened all those years ago involving Do Hyun and Geum Hee. (Yep, I'm even more sure of it. The show's going to reveal even after Geum Hee married Hak Soo, she had a quickie with her first love and that Do Hyun is really Hae Joo's father. I bet the bank on it.)

In the interrogation room, Jeong Woo is just about to convince Il Mun to turn over evidence against Do Hyun when Chang Hee walks in. He's going to be representing Il Mun from now on. Furthermore, Chang Hee makes his move against Jeong Woo as the prosecutor suddenly finds himself under investigation by Internal Affairs (or something like it) for corruption. He ends up being suspended.

Chang Hee gets the chance to show off his manly man skills as he rescues In Hwa from a man with no fashion sense. A cheap present from Chang Hee to her helps seal the deal.

Bong Hee is back from Japan and just in time - I needed a good laugh. And she promptly provides it. (I also should mention she's looking pretty sharp. She's rockin' her outfit.)

The next day at work, Hae Joo storms into Chang Hee's office and demands to know what he did to Jeong Woo. Chang Hee orders her to follow him and he takes her out to the lobby stairs, because that's where you go for a private conversation. (I guess up on the roof was too cold.) However, it's not all that private (because they're on the stairs - duh) because In Hwa had stopped by as well and she's spying on the pair. Hae Joo orders him to go back to the prosecutor's office and straighten everything else. Chang Hee, who has noticed In Hwa is watching them, takes a giant leap into bastardville by slapping Hae Joo and telling her she's fired.

The Great Seer Episode 6

Wow, this was a bad episode, and may be the end of the road for me.

 

Lee In Im scolds a wounded Soo Ryun Gae for the night's fiasco. Sure, she may have killed Dong Yoon, but his son got away. Ryun Gae hands him the ring she took from Ji Sang. In Im orders his men to find the boy. He's not the only one, as Lee Sung Gye also has his men searching for Ji Sang.

 

It's Moo Yung who finds him first, throwing a knife into the kid's shoulder. Thinking he's dead, Moo Yung's men bury Ji Sang in a shallow grave. Later that night after they've all gone, Ji Sang digs his way out of his grave and he's hungry for braaaiiiiinnnnsssss. (No, not really, but it sure would have helped this episode out to have a zombie or two in it.)

 

In her role has high priestess, Ryun Gae supposedly has a vision. She reports to Noguk that she foresees the queen giving birth to a prince in the future, but first all prisoners sentenced for execution should be commuted to exile. This would include the traitor Dae Ho. The royal couple are that desperate for an heir that Dae Ho is spared.

 

In Im has his son, Jung Geun, brought to his study (for lack of a better word) to be scolded for having been caught with illegal Chinese contraband. At the end of the scolding, Jung Geun sees his father toss a gold ring (Ji Sang's) into a pen box. I mention this because it has bearing later on.

 

Jung Geun is supposed to be meeting Hae In for a study date and he's asking a house maid how he looks. She asks what kind of present he's going to bring to the meeting. He never even thought about a present. Remembering the gold ring his father apparently had no regard for, Jung Geun goes back to the study to dig the ring out of the box. Out in the courtyard, he's showing the ring to the maid and asking if it's a good enough present when Young Ji comes by and asks to see what he has. She immediately recognizes the ring and demands to know where he got it. Jung Geun stammers out he got it from his father's room.

 

(If you're keeping score, the ring has gone from Young Ji to Ji Sang to Ryun Gae to In Im to Jung Geun and now back to Young Ji. That is one well traveled piece of jewelry.)

 

In Im is over at Ryun Gae's place when they're surprised by a visit from Young Ji. She shows the ring and demands to know where her child is. Ryun Gae jumps in and tells the princess that both father and son are dead. Young Ji declares she's done. She's done being In Im's wife. She's done being Jung Geun's mother. She's done, done, done. She goes back to the house to pack her things and move back to the palace.

 

Meanwhile, during all this, Hae In is out in the woods tasting things when she stumbles upon a very dirty and delirious Ji Sang. She doesn't know who he is, she just knows he needs help. She takes him over to a small shrine/temple/outhouse and tries to nurse him back to health. Instead she botches the job. Hae In goes running to her father for help. Oh, hey, it turns out Hae In is the daughter of Hyu Myung. They race back to the little temple only to find Ji Sang has left.

 

Jong Dae cleans Ban Ya up and then basically pimps her out. Poor Ban Ya. As if her life wasn't hard enough already, it ain't gonna get any better as she gets traded around, eventually ending up in the hands of some rough and dirty backwoodsmen.

 

Lee Ga No, still sporting that awful hair, orders Ryun Gae to prevent the queen's pregnancy. Ryun Gae bribes a servant in the palace to sprinkle some substance on the coals that heat the queen's room. Also, Ryun Gae goes out to light a bonfire to disrupt the king's ley lines or something. I really don't understand feng shui.

 

With nowhere else to go, Ji Sang tries to attach himself to that bastard, Jong Dae. And, really, that's it. There's no cliffhanger to this even-numbered episode. The show actually ends with Ji Sang peering thoughtfully at a giseang's face. What kind of an ending is that, I ask you? How is that supposed to make me eager to see next week's episode?

The Great Seer Episode 5

As Moo Yung is taking aim with his arrow at Ji Sang, Dong Yoon arrives below and demands to know what's going on. Moo Yung recognizes the one eyed man and decides it is more important to report this back to his boss than to kill the kid. Lee Sung Gye also recognizes Dong Yoon. I mean, how many one-eyed men do you meet in a lifetime? Dong Yoon begs the general to give him one hour with his son before the soldiers take him off for questioning concerning the recent assassination attempt. Sung Gye leaves an inept guard behind.

 

Ji Sang shows the drawing of his father to Dong Yoon, who realizes they're all in danger and says they must escape quickly. Madame Chun and the girls distract the guards and drug them so the two men can get away. There's a tearful goodbye between Ji Sang and Chun, the closest thing he's ever had to a mother.

 

Once again throwing off the flow of the story, we must go to Young Ji and her students. She learns about her son, Jung Geun, having a Chinese compass and must punish him for having illegal contraband. (I have a bone to pick but I don't know who with: the writers or the editors or what. You don't have a dramatic scene suddenly cut in by a light - and frankly unimportant - scene, and then whip right back to the dramatic. That's not a transition, that's an interruption.)

 

Back to what's more important. Dong Yoon and Ji Sang make it outside of the giseang house. Stopping off at a restaurant (that's what it looks like so that's what I'm going to call it) the father orders the boy to stay put while he goes to find some horses. After reporting back to Soo Ryun Gae and Lee In Im, Moo Yung and his ninjas returns to Haewol House and attack. Even poor Chun is stabbed. Ban Ya hides underneath the house as the ninjas set the place on fire.

 

The news about the fire quickly spreads and everyone goes to be bystanders. When Ji Sang hears the place on fire is Haewol House, he quickly forgets his father's orders and runs back to look for Chun and Ban Ya. In the midst of the flames and smoke, Ji Sang is captured by the ninjas.

 

When Dong Yoon returns to the restaurant, he learns his son went to the burning giseang and he follows. Also showing up at the fire is Sung Gye and his men. Dong Yoon dives into the burning building where he encounters the masked Moo Yung. The chief ninja says they have Ji Sang and if Dong Yoon wants his son back to bring the map to Ja Mi Won to a shack in the woods. Sung Gye has a man follow Dong Yoon.

 

After the fire burns out, Jong Dae drops in to loot the dead and finds a still-living Ban Ya.

 

Meanwhile, Dae Ho is as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He's worried the one ninja assassin that was captured will confess and name him in the conspiracy to kill the king. Ryun Gae advises him to go to the prison and overdo it on the torture, killing the ninja while appearing to have simply been overzealous in trying to get to the truth. And he does just that, but while Dae Ho has killed the assassin, he's also made Sung Gye suspicious.

 

With the permission of Choi Young, Sung Gye goes to search Dae Ho's mansion and finds a letter to the turncoat from the Chinese emperor. With tears of anger and betrayal in his eyes, King Kongmin orders his old compatriot to be executed.

 

Dong Yoon goes to meet with his old friend, Hyo Myung, and has a very unusual request: kill me. He doesn't want to give the enemy the directions to Ja Mi Won, but Dong Yoon knows himself well enough to admit he might buckle under torture. He gives the map to Myung and tells his friend to follow him out to the meeting place. This is overheard by Dong Yoon's tail, who goes back to report to Sung Gye.

 

Ninjas stand guard outside the shack as a bound and gagged Ji Sang is kept inside. Beekeeper Ryun Gae assures him he won't be alone in the afterlife as his father will be joining him shortly. Then she takes away his mother's ring. Dong Yoon arrives and they have a Mexican standoff. Give me my son. Give me the map. Give me my son first! No, give me the map first! Dong Yoon manages to procure a sword and holds off the ninjas long enough for Ji Sang to make a break for it. When Dong Yoon is disarmed and is about to be dragged off, a very shaky Hyo Myung (hiding behind a tree) shoots his friend in the back. After realizing what he's done, Myung just plops down on the ground and starts to fret. A couple of ninjas see him and are about to attack when Sung Gye and his men show up. There's lots of swirly fighting going on.

 

Dong Yoon isn't quite dead yet. Ryun Gae orders Moo Yung to take the prophet with them. Dong Yoon grabs the end of the woman's sword and stabs himself with it. As Ryun Gae stands there (and stands there and stands there - move, woman!), Sung Gye gets pretty close to her and almost sees her face. Moo Yung grabs her and drags her off to their horses. Sung Gye gives chase. Ryun Gae throws a smoke bomb in order to get him off their trail.

 

In the midst of all the fighting, Ji Sang (who saw his father being shot by Myung) crawls back to where Dong Yoon lies. That man still isn't quite dead yet. With his last bloody breath, the father orders Ji Sang to find and protect his mother. The ring... the ring... and then Dong Yoon finally dies.  

Darna Episode 5

Yeah, I'm still watching this. No, I don't know why. But things are starting to pick up.

 

The story so far: Valentina, hiding her snake-infested hair under a wig, has fallen in love with Eduardo, who is in love with Narda. Using one of her father's magic snakes, Valentina puts Eduardo under a spell and they are planning to marry. Filipino Isis appears before the broken-hearted Narda, explaining her destiny is to become Darna. Surprisingly, Narda refuses to become a superhero. Meanwhile, the four main villains (Tree Woman, Hawk Woman, Leech Woman, and Plain Ol' Evil Woman) have escaped their icy prison and are now wreaking havoc in town as they search for their arch-nemesis, Darna.

 

 

A huge crevice opens up before Valentina's feet. She starts to fall in when Narda rushes over to save her best friend who just stole her boyfriend. She's struggling to pull the woman up when Hawk Woman swoops in and whisks Narda up into the sky. Valentina falls into the abyss. Narda manages to fight back, which actually backfires on her as Hawk Woman releases her and Narda comes crashing rather hard back to earth.

 

In order to save the screaming masses, Filipino Isis, Guardian of the Stone, appears before the villains. She tells them there is no Darna anymore so stop hurting these innocent people. Leech Woman demands the magic stone, the source of Darna's power. To draw them away, Filipino Isis agrees to meet them in the woods and hand over the stone.

 

Dr. Morgan (Eduardo's adoptive father who wears a terrible wig for reasons I don't understand) rushes to the hospital to see about his son. He asks Eduardo where his girlfriend, Valentina is. Eduardo is like, "When did Valentina become my girlfriend?" Perhaps getting knocked out by Leech Woman managed to break Valentina's spell on him.

 

Filipino Isis hands the magic stone over to the villains (villainesses?), warning them they may possess it but will never be able to control it. As the four women try to absorb the power from the stone, they all suddenly disappear. The rock falls to the ground.

 

Narda wakes up in the hospital to learn Alfonso (the good cop who saved her from a childhood of prostitution) died from his wounds sustained during the attack. This quite upsets me, and I know it does Narda. The doctor tells her that her injuries to her leg are quite severe and she may have to walk with a crutch for the rest of her life.

 

Time passes. Back to his senses, Eduardo tries to win back Narda and declares his love for her. Narda is too racked with guilt over not being able to save Valentina or any of the people hurt in the attack. She refuses his love and orders him to never come near her again.

 

Narda begs Filipino Isis for another chance. Isis warns her that although the stone was able to banish The Women to another dimension, this is only temporary. They'll come back and they'll be stronger than ever. The world needs Darna!

 

It's transformation time! Narda is now Darna, dressed in her Bikini of Power outfit.

 

Meanwhile, Plain Ol' Evil Woman (aka Roma) has returned from the other dimension and discovers she's obtained the ability to fly from the stone. Roma is the villainess with the Garbage Pail Kid on her back. What the heck is that thing? Eww, and now it's speaking! That's just gross. Anyway, the duo attack a group of policemen, ripping the mens' hearts out. This allows for new characters to be introduced: the staff of a struggling newspaper who are covering the grisly discovery of the dead men.

 

Narda goes to discuss the latest tragedy with Filipino Isis. We learn the back story of Roma. She was born with a hump but hiding inside of it was a monster who controls Plain Ol' Evil Woman. Roma was the daughter of a rich family and was engaged to be married when she discovered her man was cheating on her. This betrayal caused the evil Garbage Pail Kid to emerge from the hump and kill the man. Filipino Isis advises Narda that the only way she can defeat the two is to separate Roma from the thing on her back.

 

If this show's gotten one thing right, it's this creep-fest of a troll.

Glass Mask Episode 1

I've been meaning to check up on Glass Mask even though it stars Seo Woo (I just don't really like her) and is 100 episodes long.

 

Kang Yi Kung stands on a cliff overlooking the sea. She thinks to herself how everything has been a lie and she intends to find out the truth and set everything to right. Suddenly Kang Seo Yun comes up behind her. Yi Kung quickly hides a disc (DVD? Blu Ray?) behind her back and proclaims she was willing to give up everything for Seo Yun. The other woman feels the exact opposite, believing Yi Kung was trying to take everything. Yi Kung tries to remind her they're sisters. Seo Yun declares they're enemies and takes a threatening step forward, forcing Yi Kung back towards the edge of the cliff. Alright, starting off with the murder of Seo Woo! (I just don't like her!)

 

Darnit, Seo Yun just falls to her knees and apologizes for being such a bad person, then refers to something that happened the other day. Yi Kung tries to walk past her kneeling sister. Seo Yun grabs her hand, the hand that's holding the disc. They fight over it, causing the disc to go sailing through the air and landing just off the edge. Yi Kung (wearing dangerous shoes) tries to retrieve the disc and starts sliding off the edge herself. Seo Yun quickly grabs her hand and starts to pull her sister back up, but then she sees the disc and decides here and now is a good time to end their relationship. She lets go and Yi Kung falls to the water below.

 

Now let's jump back to 1984. A good year. One dude is beating up another dude and demanding to know where Shin Ki Tae is. The beater is Kang In Chul, a cop who plays by his own rules. (I thought we only had those in America.) A tip comes in that Ki Tae has been spotted at his lover's place. In Chul jumps into his jeep and races off alone, because a cop who plays by his own rules doesn't need backup.

 

In Chul kicks in the door and points his gun at the suspect. This Shin Ki Tae tries to proclaim his innocence. He didn't do all those terrible crimes. As the two men stand off, down in the street below In Chul's partner, Park Seong Do, shows up as well. He gives his gun into the keeping of another cop as he knows there's a pregnant woman up there and he doesn't want to make the situation any more unsafe.

 

The pregnant woman, Yoo Ri, dashes out of a side room and knocks In Chul's gun from his hand while yelling for her lover to make a run for it. As Ki Tae indeed starts to do that, In Chul recovers his weapon and takes aim. Yoo Ri jumps up to shield Ki Tae and In Chul unintentionally shoots her. Outside, a man in sunglasses that I've never seen before is witnessing all this. Who is this guy?

 

As Ki Tae cries over his pregnant woman, Seong Do comes into the apartment and tries to get In Chul to put his gun away. As they're arguing, Ki Tae attacks, knocking the gun away. It's Seong Do who ends up wrestling more with the suspect. Ki Tae gets the man down on the floor and starts strangling the policeman. Ki Tae (again) recovers his weapon and (again) takes aim at Ki Tae. Again, his timing is awful. Just as he pulls the trigger, Seong Do manages to get back up and is the one who ends up shot. This would be tragic if it wasn't so funny.

 

(You know what this reminds me of? This reminds me of that episode of Bridal Mask when our hero was crashing the party the Japanese were throwing for themselves. Kimura Taro repeatedly tries to shoot Bridal Mask, only to be hitting everybody else, including his own men, instead.)

 

As In Chul cries over his partner, a still breathing Yoo Ri begs for Ki Tae to make his escape. He jumps out of the apartment window and lands right on a squad car. Bad timing all around.

 

Now most of our characters are at the hospital. As a bleeding Yoo Ri is wheeled away, Seong Do's very pregnant wife, Shim Hae Soon, comes in and goes over to ask In Chul what happened. Before he can answer, everyone hears the ominous flatline tone coming from where Seong Do is being worked on (unsuccessfully) by the doctors. As she's crying hysterically over her husband's body, she grabs her big belly in pain while blood starts to flow down her legs.

 

While In Chul is back at the station beating up Ki Tae, Yoo Ri's baby is saved but she dies. In another OR, Seong Do's baby is stillborn. After the procedure, the doctor tries to tell Hae Soon her baby is dead but the woman won't allow herself to believe it. They're lying to her. Her baby is somewhere in this hospital! Later that night, the not-quite-all-there woman goes to the nursery and simply picks up a baby and takes it home with her. (Apparently no one working at the hospital thought, "Hey, we've got a missing baby! And that woman who had a miscarriage but kept insisting her baby wasn't dead is also gone. I wonder if there's a connection?")

 

For killing all these people and capturing Shin Ki Tae, In Chul receives a commendation award from the police department and a promotion. Meanwhile, Ki Tae receives a visit at the jailhouse from Sunglasses Dude. Seems Ki Tae was planning to turn over inside information to the cops, so Sunglasses is the one who set Ki Tae up for the fall. Sunglasses "suggests" to Ki Tae to confess to everything, even the killing of the cop, and stay in prison. Otherwise, Ki Tae's daughter's life will be in danger.

 

In another scene, Sunglasses Dude meets with In Chul. In order to preserve himself, In Chul turns over to Sunglasses the evidence Ki Tae had given to the police.

 

Because of his reoccurring freakout visions of a bloody Yoo Ri, In Chul finally gets around to looking into her fate. He learns Yoo Ri died and her baby has been put up for adoption. In Chul goes to the orphanage and falls head over heels for the smiling Buddha baby. He adopts the little girl and names her Yi Kung. He goes out to buy some baby clothes and right after he leaves the store, here comes crazy lady Hae Soon in with "her" baby, Seo Yun.

May Queen Episode 20

Hae Joo goes to ask Gi Cheol about him trying to have her sold as a child. Gi Cheol becomes the smarmiest, creepiest, most loathsome toad ever. He doesn't deny he ordered her to be sold. He hates her and things would have been so much better if she had been sold. And don't bring up Hong Chul - he's a piece of trash and the world is better off without him. Gi Cheol lords it over Hae Joo that the statute of limitations on the case has expired so there's nothing she can legally do about it. Hae Joo... just leaves and does nothing about it. (Will no one kick this man's ass? Wait, Do Hyun will! Do Hyun, come kick this man's ass!)

 

As she's leaving Gi Cheol's house, Hae Joo is spotted by Geum Hee, who invites her in for a spot of tea. Geum Hee once again asks Hae Joo if she's adopted, saying the situation with their different blood types has changed. Hae Joo politely declines to believe she could be Geum Hee's daughter. As the young woman is leaving, Geum Hee manages to snatch some stray hairs off Hae Joo's shoulder. She also repeats Il Mun's tactic by keeping the tea cup Hae Joo had been drinking out of. Speaking of Il Mun, he's hiding up on the staircase, overseeing all this.

 

Back at the office, Do Hyun (who should be kicking Gi Cheol's ass!) is brainstorming with Chang Hee over what to do about Prosecutor Yoon Jeong Woo and his plans to still charge Il Mun for embezzlement. Kang San interrupts the plotters, bringing in his own unique ray of sunshine. The penalty Cheonji will have to pay his parent company turns out to be larger than he initially thought. Did Il Mun resign? He's not at work today. Oh, that's right, Chang Hee can use his maritime experience to take care of business.

 

Chang Hee leaves the office and bumps into Hae Joo in the lobby. He tries to ignore her and walk past but she calls out that she knows about his father's involvement with the loan shark who tried to kidnap her.

 

Back in the office, Kang San brings up the past, asking questions about the murder of Dr. Yoon Hak Soo. Do Hyun passes the blame onto the Japanese intelligence. San can't understand why they would murder an ordinary petroleum expert. He suspects there's more to the story.

 

Back to Hae Joo and Chang Hee. (I'm starting to get whiplash.) Saint Hae Joo says she now understands why Chang Hee has been acting this way - he's just protecting his father. Chang Hee coldly tells her he'll always side with his father and for her to never again talk to him about this past situation.

 

Kang San tries to cheer her up by taking her out to look at giant propellers. I know that always cheers me up.

 

Bong Hee is out shopping for bedding and is caught making out with a pillow. She carries two large shopping bags to Jeong Woo's house and is caught by Dal Soon, who ends up giving Bong Hee some lessons in catching and keeping a man. (Darn, I was hoping they wouldn't become friends.) As she's helping Bong Hee put the new quilts on Jeong Woo's bed, Dal Soon sees an old photograph of his family. This includes Geum Hee and her little Yoo Jin. Dal Soon immediately recognizes the baby as Hae Joo.

 

Geum Hee goes to her local DNA testing facility and drops off the tea cup (the hair won't work). Il Mun followed her and is skulking around.

 

Grandpa Dae Pyung challenges Hae Joo to a drinking battle, as well as tries to fix her up with his grandson. Hae Joo wins, barely. Kang San has to take the inebriated lass back to her place.

 

In Hwa still can't get over Chang Hee's kiss so she goes once again to ask him why he did it. Chang Hee claims he's liked her since they were kids. When she brings up his dating Hae Joo for 15 years, he says that relationship was only because he thought he never had a shot at In Hwa since he was the butler's son. But now, with his new position at the company, things have changed. Naive In Hwa seems to be buying this story. (See, In Hwa, if you had dated more and had more experience with men, you would already know you're being played.)

 

On a side note: Viki is being a real pain in the rear trying to get this video to play!

Jeong Woo comes home and notices the new comforter on his bed. Dal Soon gets a chance to quietly ask him about the framed photo in his bedroom. He shares how Geum Hee used to be his sister-in-law, and that the baby in the picture is his niece, Yoo Jin. Dal Soon gulps but doesn't say anything.

The next day, Jeong Woo and his posse drop by the big house and arrest Il Mun, dragging him off to jail. (I don't think real prosecutors are the ones who serve arrest warrants, but this is DramaLand.) Do Hyun takes his anger out on Chang Hee, who calmly replies he can take care of most of this. Do Hyun wonders how Jeong Woo, his nemesis, even knew about Il Mun's redirection of company funds. Chang Hee points the finger at Kang San.

Baby sister Jin Joo has been back to her snooping ways (because that's what all baby sisters do) and has found the stash of expensive presents Il Mun has been giving to Young Joo. She shows the stuff to Hae Joo, who goes to challenge Young Joo, fearing the sister has been stealing money again. During the argument, idiot Sang Tae gets involved and slugs Hae Joo (just as Kang San arrives outside the open door and overhears the fight). Sang Tae shouts that he knows Hae Joo is not his sister and has no right to yell at him like she does. In fact, he throws her out of the house. (Like he's ever done anything for his family! Leave, Hae Joo. Leave and let this worthless family learn just how much they depend on you. Leave!)

Kang San takes a distraught Hae Joo back to his yacht. (Aren't you going to kick Sang Tae's ass for hitting her? Does Do Hyun have to do every ass kicking?) He gives her his shoulder to cry on, which is seen by In Hwa down on the dock.

Do Hyun is asking Nameless Minion if he sent "it". Chang Hee joins them with the announcement he's found a way to get to Yoon Jeong Woo.

Kang San returns to his apartment to find a package outside his door. Oh, this must be "it'. The it turns out to be that magic spells book from Kang Woon to Yoon Hak Soo.

Dal Soon, thinking it would be for the best if Hae Joo did get out of this loser family, also tells Hae Joo to leave and not come back. She goes on to drop the bombshell that Hae Joo's beloved Hong Chul is not her biological father. That she's the daughter of Yoon Hak Soo and Geum Hee. Hae Joo looks... well, slightly mystified. (Han Ji Hye is not really a good actress. Yet she's won several acting awards. How?)

May Queen Episode 19

Let's see what our Saint Hae Joo is up to.

 

BTW, totally off-topic, but after I "recovered" from watching Darna, I went back and watched the next episode. Things got very dark very quickly, I must say. I'm talking child exploitation/prostitution kind of dark. And this wasn't by any tree woman with green lips, but the kind of monsters we have here in the real world.

 

 

 

Hae Joo tells Prosecutor Yoon Jeong Woo about the strange picture she got on her cell phone. Because Chang Hee went and smashed the thing, she can't show them the picture. Jeong Woo promises to look into who may have sent her the photo of the bloody license plate.

 

Grandpa Dae Pyung tries to get Kang San to stop looking into his parents' past. At the most we learn that San's parents were in Japan, drove through a guard rail and drowned in the ocean. At least, that's Dae Pyung's version. I still feel like Do Hyun is somehow involved.

 

Speak of the devil, Do Hyun is in his study sitting at his desk. Out of a drawer he pulls out an old book that holds a photograph inside it. On the title page is an inscription to Yoon Hak Soo (Hae Joo's father) from Kang Woon (San's father.) For an extra laugh, the title page of the book is printed Tradition Notebook Magic Spells Witch and Wizard. The picture is of three men, one of them being Do Hyun in his old toupee. Aha, they're a coven!

 

The next day an angry Il Mun goes to confront his father about Chang Hee being given an executive position in the maritime division. For once I agree with Il Mun as he argues that Chang Hee is a lawyer, he knows nothing about the ocean or shipbuilding. Do Hyun gives some kind of parable about whacking a tree to make it bear fruit and how this is all for Il Mun's good.

 

Chang Hee shows up to his new job, which is in charge of Hae Joo's development team. As he's coldly going over the rules with them, a disgusted Il Mun walks in. Chang Hee orders him to never be late again. Hmm, this could be interesting. Leave it to Kang San to saunter in and break the tension. He can do that because technically he's not an employee of Cheonji.

 

Do Hyun calls Hae Joo to his office. Even though she's not had a formal education, he trusts Hae Joo's instincts and plans to send her to check on the azimuth thrusters they're building. Then he tells yet another story about trees. He ends with saying when he looks at Hae Joo he sees himself. Yep, I'm even more convinced the show is setting us up to learn he's Hae Joo's biological father.

 

When Il Mun hears Hae Joo is going to the thruster factory, he starts to sweat bullets. And for good reason. Once at the factory, Hae Joo sees the work on the thrusters hasn't even been started, while the paperwork says they're almost done.

 

Jeong Woo contacts her to explain that the number used to send her the picture is a fake. He takes Hae Joo and Kang San to lunch, where Hae Joo seems more concerned about the mystery of the propeller more than the mystery of the bloody license plate. Kang San reports that the thruster was never built because Il Mun was diverting the funds towards his Indonesia escapade. This is news to Jeong Woo. San is surprised Chang Hee didn't tell his boss all this back when he was still a prosecutor.

 

In Hwa goes to the office to confront Chang Hee about his manly kiss the other night. She whines that it was her first kiss, even admitting that big wet smooch with Kang San didn't count. (I don't see why it didn't. I mean, a kiss is a kiss.) She's going to tell her father everything and then he'll be fired. Newly minted bastard Chang Hee doesn't care and dares her to come with him to Do Hyun's office. In Hwa is starting to get turned on by this new, aggressive Chang Hee.

 

Chang Hee was going to Do Hyun's office to tattle on what Il Mun's been doing with the company money, and that Kang San knew about it and never said anything. Do Hyun heads straight for Il Mun's office and it's Bitch Slap City.

 

Hae Joo goes to Chang Hee's office and tries to ask if he's still got her cell phone, the one he smashed at the airport. He's all, know your place and don't have personal conversations at work and such. She leaves his office and is broadsided by Il Mun who thinks she's the one who tattled to his father. He gets one good hit in but when he goes for another, Hae Joo shows her skills. Gosh, he's wimpy. All he can fight with is words and he tells her how her lowly family came to the big house and kicked up a fuss. This is news to her.

 

Do Hyun asks for Kang San to come to his office. He asks the young man why he didn't say anything about the thrusters not being built. San brushes it off, claiming he was trying to preserve the relationship between Do Hyun and Il Mun. Oh, but if Cheonji isn't able to build the ship on time, they'll have to pay a large penalty (like forty million) to Noble, Kang San's parent company. Even if Do Hyun orders the thrusters from another company, they still won't get here before the deadline. San is enjoying this.

 

Geum Hee goes to see Dal Soon once again. She explains that stuff about the blood and again asks if Hae Joo is Dal Soon's biological daughter. No matter how much Geum Hee cries, Dal Soon sticks to her story and claims Hae Joo as her own.

 

Back at the big house, Gi Cheol is starting to get a big head now that his son is an important executive at the office. Good thing Il Mun is there to put the gimp back in his little rat hole. Too bad Geum Hee comes home at the moment and puts a stop to things. She takes Il Mun to task for misbehaving so. He argues she's not his real mother so what's it to her? Geum Hee slaps him (golly, he's going to have a bruised face tomorrow) and says she raised him so she is his mother. That's when Il Mun drops the bomb that he knows about her other daughter, Yoo Jin. I fully expected Geum Hee to drop to the floor as she usually does, but no, she manages to keep her knees locked for this shocker.

 

Kang San learns about Hae Joo being hit at the office. He goes to get in line to slap Il Mun. No, not really. He goes to tell Chang Hee about it, but Chang Hee says he's too busy with business to worry about one female employee. (I'm getting a strong feeling that Il Mun is going to end up murdered and all these people will be suspects.)

 

Kang San takes Hae Joo back to his yacht so they can talk about propellers and noodles.

 

In Hwa continues to find herself getting hot and bothered over Chang Hee. Even store mannequins are turning her on.

 

Young Joo meets up with a drunk Il Mun. It's an almost touching moment as he quietly begs her to stay with him because he has no one to drink with. He's so lonely.

 

Sang Tae overhears Hae Joo and Dal Soon talking and learns that Hae Joo is not his mother's daughter.

 

It's nearly the end of the episode and only now does Bong Hee show up. Anyway, she's meeting with Kang San. He knows she's going to Japan tomorrow and he asks her to do him a favor. He asks her to look into this guy, Akiyama, which may be his father under a Japanese name. Before she leaves, at least Bong Hee gives me a funny scene in Jeong Woo's office.

 

Hae Joo (who just accidentally hit Bong Hee with the office door) has come by because Jeong Woo has figured out that the phone that sent her the picture was used in the vicinity of the Jang home, the only home in the area she has any connection to. As they're walking through the hallway, a couple of cops are escorting a handcuffed prisoner. Hae Joo recognizes the loan shark. Jeong Woo has the man taken to an interrogation room where the loan shark tells them he already told everything to the other prosecutor. That would be Chang Hee. When asked what he did spill, the loan shark explains how it was Gi Cheol who paid him to abduct Hae Joo fifteen years ago.

 

Hae Joo goes (alone!) to confront Gi Cheol.

The Great Seer Episode 4

The Great Seer can be watched at DramaFever, which is surprisingly doing a faster job at subbing than Viki at the moment.

 

As the young girl, Ban Ya, is being dragged away by the guards, Ji Sang gathers up what he can of "Mom" and puts her back in the box. He follows behind, trying to think up a way to save the innocent girl. He settles on running up to her and repeatedly calling her his sister, telling the guards he's been waiting for her return to Gaegyoung. When this doesn't work, he simply kicks the guard in the jewels, grabs Ban Ya, and they head off to the wild. They seek shelter in a cave, where a tame deer is like, "Sure. Fine. Make yourself at home. You don't make me nervous at all."

 

Soo Ryun Gae meets with one of her conspirators, Dae Ho, who is starting to get cold feet about assassinating the king. Ryun Gae lists all the other crimes Dae Ho has been behind the past. Crimes he didn't think anyone knew he was involved in. Ryun Gae blackmails him into sticking with the plan.

 

The next morning Ji Sang helps Ban Ya find a good place for her to bury her mother. This is interspersed with scenes of Hyo Myung and Moo Hak oohing and ahhing over the land and the signs of white tigers and thirsty dragons. Looks like both parties have stumbled upon the lost Ja Mi Won.

 

The kids have just finished burying Mom's box when Moo Hak emerges from the bushes. He's very angry that they've buried someone where kings are supposed to sprout up. Hyo Myung finally catches up, recognizes Ji Sang as Dong Yoon's kid, and advises they move the remains just a smidge. Moo Hak says it's too late, just leave mom where she is. He predicts Ban Ya will become a great person but she'll shed rivers of tears.

 

Ji Sang takes Ban Ya back to Haewol House, the giseang where he lives. The -er, madam of the place, Chun, doesn't want the girl there. Ji Sang sweetly asks if they let Ban Ya stay, he'll put in a good word with his father, who Chun seems to have a crush on. (I'm not sure if they're going to put Ban Ya to work in the kitchens or something, or if she'll be expected to work as a giseang.)

 

Ryun Gae orders her head Amazon warrior to prepare a potent sleeping gas for tonight's mission. The Amazon heads to the market where she meets up with Jong Dae, who has some important ingredients for the sleeping gas. She also asks him if he's found "that person" yet. He tells her to be patient. The pair part and Jong Dae takes out a drawing of the person he's supposed to find. Just then Ji Sang comes up, looking to be paid so he can buy a pair of shoes for Ban Ya. (The men are always trying to give their women shoes in this show.) Ji Sang recognizes the drawing as his father and asks what this is about. Jong Dae explains the Amazon he was just talking to wants him to find this guy. If the boy knows where the man is, Jong Dae will split the reward. Ji Sang grabs the drawing from the peddler and follows after the Amazon.

 

Up in the mountains, Hyo Mung and Moo Hak drop in on herbal gatherer Dong Yoon. They reveal that his son has the sight, whether he likes it or not. Hyo Mung goes even further to say the king is on the wane and it's time to reveal Ja Mi Won. Dong Yoon still insists the time is not right.

 

Ji Sang traces the Amazon back to her base. That night, his stunt double scales the walls and climbs up on the roof to literally eavesdrop on Ryun Gae's conversation. (I must say, these Amazons are rather lax in their security.) Ryun Gae discusses almost the whole thing with the Amazon, about how the king is staying at Heung Wang Temple and that's where they'll kill him. Naturally about this time Ji Sang knocks a shingle off and reveals his presence. He takes off, the Amazon in hot pursuit.

 

Ji Sang manages to shake her long enough to get back to Haewol House. Luck and the script are still with him as General Lee Sung Gye and a couple of bros are there to party. Ji Sang bursts into the room and warns Sung Gye about the plot. Sung Gye in turn goes to alert Choi Young.

 

Lee In Im and his masked men are getting ready to attack when beekeeper Ryun Gae rides up to warn them they've been found out. She advises not to warn Dae Ho and let him and his men go ahead. Who knows, he may be successful.

 

Dae Ho and his ninjas attack. A couple of eunuchs hear the commotion outside and rush to wake the king and queen. One of the servants switches clothes with Kongmin so he can sneak out in disguise. Another eunuch also sacrifices his life by acting as a decoy to draw the ninjas away. As Dae Ho breaks into the bedroom, he stabs the body underneath the covers, only to discover he's assassinated a servant.

 

Kongmin and Noguk make it to some kind of outer building. She plans to stand outside and guard the door, banking on the fact that she's also a princess of the Chinese empire so the assassins wouldn't dare touch her. (Noguk, you need your own show.) The ninjas surround the front of the shed and indeed seem hesitant to stab the defiant queen. Dae Ho isn't, though, and is about to strike when thank goodness here comes Choi Young and his men. The ninjas are driven off. Once he finds a dark corner, Dae Ho kills the ninjas with him, takes off his own ninja outfit, and comes running back, acting like he's there to defend the king.

 

Later, at a meeting of the generals, Dae Ho continues to act indignant that security was as lax as Amazon security. Choi Young says most of the ninjas were killed and were mere underlings, so the person behind the attempt is still at large. In Im asks Sung Gye how he learned about the plot. Sung Gye starts to say but then stops himself.

 

Completely changing the tone, we go to Seo Woon, the Goryeo School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where Hai In is impressing her fellow students with her dirt tasting skills. (I kid you not.) A tall kid called Sung Bok is not impressed and starts to make trouble with the only girl student. A much shorter Jung Geun comes to her defense. Teacher Young Ji sees her students fighting amongst themselves and decides it is time for a lesson in teamwork. She takes the group to the top of a mountain and just leaves them there. She expects them to work as a team to find their way back down. (Weren't they paying attention when they were taken up there? Can't they follow the path back down?)

 

Night falls, a fog rolls in, and the scared city kids are completely lost. They're even spooked by that tame deer. (I'm not sure if the deer is supposed to represent something, or if the producers rented it and by golly they're going to film that deer as much as they can.) At least one of the city kids has the sense enough to recommend they all stay in one spot and wait for the rescue team to come find them. But Hae In is taking ill and needs to see a doctor right away. Time for Jung Geun to disclose his Chinese contraband. It's just a fancy compass but it gets the job done and they make it back to town.

 

In Im scolds Ryun Gae for allowing their plot to be so easily discovered. A-ha, we get a name for Right Hand Man! It's Moo Yung. In Im instructs Moo Yung to follow Lee Sung Gye and find out who the spy was. Moo Yung travels via rooftops as he follows Sung Gye back to the giseang house. Out in the courtyard, Sung Gye orders Ji Sang to be brought out. Madam Chun and Ban Ya try to intervene as the protesting lad is dragged away by his hair. Up on the roof Moo Yung notches his arrow and takes aim.

 

 

Hmm, I was worried we weren't going to get a cliffhanger at the end. Not that it's much of a cliffhanger as we already know Ji Sang will at least live to adulthood. While the pacing of the show is pretty good, let's be honest: these characters are about as deep as a bowl of soup. If a Tyrannosaurus Rex were to suddenly timeslip here and eat the cast, I can't say I would miss anyone. I take that back. I'd miss the deer. Don't eat the deer, T. Rex!

The Great Seer Episode 3

Kids, don't drink. It's bad for you. It's especially bad for you the next morning. I speak from experience.

 

 

Young Ji silently gives birth to her son. She quickly memorizes his features, stuffs a large gold ring in his swaddling, and hands him off to a servant girl. By the time her husband, Lee In Im, bursts into the room, Young Ji is quietly working at her embroidery as the servant girl slips out of the room with a basket of material. Young Ji claims she is just now starting her contractions and asks for In Im to leave. He's about to obey her wishes but at the last second something makes him suspicious. He comes back into the room, flings up his wife's skirts and sees the blood on her petticoat. He orders Right Hand Man to catch the servant that just left.

 

Right Hand Man and his men run out into the courtyard just in time to see the servant girl pass off the basket to Dong Yoon. A long chase scene ensues (perhaps too long) before Right Hand Man finally catches up to the one-eyed man. Dong Yoon throws the basket at Right Hand Man and makes his escape. Right Hand Man checks the contents of the basket and, just as I suspected, it was all a ruse as an indignant cat emerges from the material. As the defeated soldier returns to In Im's home, he doesn't pay any attention to Hyo Myung walking past with a basket on his back. (Remember, Hyo Myung is the doctor from the last episode and a friend of Dong Yoon.)

 

Just as In Im is executing the servant girl in the courtyard, his mistress (who is Soo Ryun Gae. There, finally got her name) comes by with their newborn son. She expects the princess to take the baby in and raise him as her own. As expected, Ryun Gae reminds Young Ji of her debt. It's time to pay up. Just to add a little more incentive to the deal, Ryun Gae explains that if Young Ji doesn't take the baby in, then Ryun Gae will just have to kill him as head priestesses can't have babies under penalty of death. After a long battle of wills (perhaps too long), the mother in Young Ji can't deny the baby any longer and takes him in.

 

Time skip ahead ten years to 1362. In Im and his troops are preparing to attack the city of Gaegyoung. Yet once they get to the gates of the city, they discover the town has already been taken over. General Lee Sung Gye (minus the baboon hat and makeup) beat In Im to the punch. Oh, this must be when the Red Turbans were causing so much trouble for King Kongmin. That poor king, he's got a lot on his plate. Trying to become independent from the Chinese empire; Red Turbans running around; Japanese pirates harassing the kingdom's shores. Kongmin is feeling the weight of it all.

 

Still, he has time enough to reward his generals. For the taking of Gaegyoung, Kongmin heaps rewards upon the head general, Choi Young (played by Lee Min Ho, once he gets to looking like Son Byung Ho) and... In Im. Lee Sung Gye, who is standing nearby, ain't too happy not to hear his name included. All he gets for his troubles is being made governor of some podunk province. Nope, not happy at all.

 

Another time skip, this time just a year, to 1363. Dong Yoon and Young Ji's son, Ji Sang (played right now by Lee David) has been called to a giseang house. One of the ladies has lost the key to her jewelry box and Ji Sang has the lock picking skills to get it back open. He also does a little divination/weather forecasting for the ladies, warning they're not going to have a good night for business as it's going to rain.

 

Meanwhile, Young Ji is meeting with a young girl, Hae In, and discussing teas. Young Ji is taking the girl under her wing and training her in astrology. Crushing on the girl is the son of the house, Jung Geun (played at the moment by No Young Hak, who played the teenage King Euija from Gyebaek. He's good at playing goofy. You know, it's rather telling that I can recognize all these Korean actors, yet I can't name a one of those dang Kardashians. Well, except for that girl with the huge butt. And another thing: the actress playing Young Ji looks just a few years older than her "son". And another thing after that: both Jung Geun and Ji Sang are chronological supposed to be around eleven or twelve years old when the actors look like they're hitting their early twenties. /rantoff)

 

Anyway, back to the story. That Lee Ga No is still hanging around trying to start trouble. And he still has that awful haircut. He tells his co-hort, Ryun Gae, that he wants to meet with In Im. The head priestess and In Im are still having hot and spicy times together. Ryun Gae relays Ga No's message and is surprised when In Im refuses. If they want to kill King Kongmin, he won't interfere, but he won't help, either.

 

Ji Sang is working with the peddler, Jong Dae (played by Lee Moon Shik. See, I told you we were going to have a Great Queen Seondeok reunion.) Jong Dae has some contraband from China he needs to get into the city. He hands the thing over to Ji Sang to somehow get it inside Gaegyoung. As pedestrians line up outside the city gate to be inspected, Ji Sang slips the contraband into the pack of a girl standing in front of him. When questioned by the gate soldier, the girl explains she's bringing back the bones and ashes of her mother, who was born in Gaegyoung. Not wanting to touch anything so icky, the soldier lightly inspects her and waves her through.

 

Inside the city we see the person expecting the package is Jung Geun. He anxiously waits with Jong Dae when Ji Sang walks by. With the pair distracting him, Ji Sang looses sight of the girl, so all three of them race around the city trying to find her.

 

Lee Ga No finally gets In Im to agree to secretly see him. In Im still refuses to be involved in the assassination. Ga No divulges that he knows In Im's wife, Young Ji, gave the king a false Ja Mi Won. If the king were ever to learn of this treachery, Young Ji would be executed. So In Im is given a choice: if he chooses his king, his wife dies. If he chooses his wife, the king dies.

 

The three amigos finally find the right girl in the crowd. Jong Dae rudely tears the pack off her back, causing the mother's ashes and bones to be spilled in the dirt. The girl says something in Chinese which is overheard by some soldiers. They accuse her of being a runaway slave and drag her off. Jong Dae finds the package and hands it over to Jung Geun, while Ji Sang feels just awful about what happened to the innocent young girl.

 

In Im returns home to see Young Ji teaching Hae In. He stares at her a bit and makes his decision as he tells Right Hand Man to gather his best men for a mission tonight.

Darna Episode 1

The last time I watched a Filipino drama I was WWUI (watching while under the influence), so why not continue the tradition? BTW, have you seen the Lone Ranger trailer. It sucks! It sucks non-Native American actors playing Native Americans! Anyway...

 

It's 1940 in the Philippines. Not a good time. Were the Japanese there? I don't know, I'm WWUI. There are fires and people screaming. Dude, there's a woman who looks like a tree! A tree with green lipstick! See, I told you 1940 wasn't a good time to be in the Philippines. A nurse with a Garbage Pail Kid on her back kills a woman. Another woman with wings takes off. Yet another woman demands to know where is Darna. These must be the villains. I sure hope they're the villains. They're killing people after all.

 

As the villagers run around screaming, one woman stops and looks around. She checks a shiny light she holds in her hand. Is she Darna? Is she about to transform? Before she can do anything, another villager bumps into her, causing her to lose the shiny light. Stupid ass bitch! Winged Woman notices the light and swoops down, calling for the other villains to kill the woman. As Tree Woman, Nurse, and Winged woman start to overtake her, the human woman... did she just swallow that shiny light? I think she swallowed it.

 

Comic books explain it all to us. Darna is the protector of the oppressed. She was out playing with her brother, Ding, when they saw a meteor. Does Ding have a twin? Is his name Dong? The meteor lands at Darna's feet. She sees the stone has writing on it. Fearing others will take the stone from her, Darna does the only logical thing and swallows it. Because who doesn't like swallowing stones? Stones that fell from the sky. I'd swallow a meteorite. Hell ya! How many people can say they've swallowed a meteorite? Anyway, swallowing the stone turns the little girl into Darna, a cheap knockoff of Wonder Woman. Why is there no movie of Wonder Woman? We've had Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Iron Man. Hell, we've even had Thor. Why no Wonder Woman?!?

 

Wait, Big Bang Theory is on. Gotta go.

 

Time skip to 1985. Is that how old this TV show is? I'm kinda hungry. It's time for a new Darna to fight the evils of the world, like Reaganomics. There's some kind of celebration going on. Someone should weed the steps. There's a parade coming down the street and some woman tells Consuelo and Alicia to make a wish to get pregnant. That's not how it works, lady.

 

Abruptly everyone rushes forward to grab flowers from the float. Old people be damned, get out of the way! Alicia gets a flower but then she notices a skinny old woman has been knocked down. She goes over to help the woman up and gives the woman her flower. Later, after the Rose Parade is over, Alicia's husband, Simon, comes over to present her with a bouquet of flowers. She apologizes for not being able to give him any children. He tut tuts her. He's perfectly happy to be married to the most beautiful woman in San Martin.

 

Months later everyone else is pregnant except Alicia. She tries all sorts of wild remedies to get knocked up (how about having sex?) but the doctor breaks the bad news to her that Alicia is sterile. Is there no adoption in the Philippines? Things aren't going well for Consuelo. She ends up having a miscarriage and now her husband, Nestor, is seeing another woman.

 

The two friends go to consult with a witch woman. She advises them to go to a cave on top of a mountain. As Consuelo and Alicia head towards the cave, there's another old woman along the path begging for help. Consuelo insists they keep going. They have to be at the cave by midnight exactly. Alicia decides to stay and help the old woman. After bringing her some water to drink, the old woman turns into a young Isis. Did you ever see Isis? I've got it on DVD. She gives the shiny light to Alicia, telling her she will bear a savior. She also gives a necklace, instructing Alicia to put it on her baby as soon as the child is born.

 

Meanwhile, Consuelo has made it to the cave and tries to sacrifice a chicken. A voice from the cave claims to be insulted by the cheap offering. Consuelo promises she'll give anything for a child. A large CGI snake comes out of the cave and wraps itself around Consuelo.

 

The two friends meet up after their strange encounters and head back home. Later, both women find themselves pregnant. Alicia gives birth to a girl that they name Narda. Consuelo (whose house is filling up with snakes) gives birth to.... Medusa? To hide their monster baby, Consuelo's cheating husband sets fire to their hut and makes off with his hideous family. Now everyone thinks they're dead.

 

Things fall apart for the couple. Nestor ends up leaving and Consuelo comes close to killing her monster baby. She returns to the village to put the blame for her troubles on Alicia's shoulders. Consuelo then goes back to the cave and demands her husband back. The Lizard King inside the cave says she'll have to do something for him first. Wasn't having your baby enough?

 

Consuelo suddenly pops up back at the village and is all nice and apologetic to Alicia. She asks for her friend to come with her. She leads Alicia and Narda back to the cave, where the giant CGI snake once again comes out and this time drags Alicia in.

 

Simon frets and worries about where his wife and child is. Getting a tip off, he learns where Consuelo has been living and goes to confront her. He sees baby Narda and demands to know where Alicia is. Consuelo lies and says Alicia ran off with another man but Simon doesn't believe her. He grabs Consuelo and shakes her when he suddenly gasps and falls to the ground. I'm not sure but I think Baby Medusa somehow killed him to defend her mother. (Why is Baby Medusa smaller than Baby Narda? I thought they were both born on the same night?)

 

Consuelo takes Baby Narda out to the cliff and drops the child into the abyss.

 

 

What?! Damn, now I'll have to see the next episode to see what happened to the baby. In the meantime, here's the real deal:

 

 

Still want to know why there's no Wonder Woman movie!!

In your satin tights/fighting for your rights

And the old red, white and blue!!!!!!