Three Kingdoms Episode 17

So where were we? Where were we? Sorry, got distracted by other things.

Oh yeah, Cao Cao had just defeated Yuan Shu. He's got some inside men in Xuzhou and Cao Cao sends them orders to somehow break up Lu Bu and Chen Gongtai, as well as create discord between Lu Bu and Liu Bei. Knowing Lu Bu, that shouldn't be such a difficult task.

Chen Gongtai is back to constantly nagging Lu Bu, this time about making Chen Gui and Chen Deng (Cao Cao's secret men) such close advisers. Nag, nag, nag. Gongtai does the ol', "Maybe I should just leave," and Lu Bu does the, "Maybe you should." Feeling sorry for himself, Gongtai and his men go hunting. A suspicious man crosses their path (on purpose) and they decide to hunt him. On the man they find a letter supposedly from Cao Cao to Liu Bei.

Lu Bu now believes Liu Bei and Cao Cao are in cahoots to take Xuzhou away from him (which was actually the plan if Liu Bei had been more cooperative). Therefore Lu Bu plans to attack that ever lovin' Xiaopei. While he's gone he'll leave the city in the good hands of... Gui and Deng Chen. Of course Gongtai tries to talk him out of this part of the plan. Of course Lu Bu is stupid, although he does relent enough to split the gruesome twosome up and take the son, Chen Deng, along with his army.

Just before departure, father and son have a secret meeting. The father has bought some of the lieutenants that have been left behind. Also, the soldiers at the gate are also on his payroll, so once Lu Bu leaves the city he won't be allowed back in.

Liu Bei can't believe Lu Bu is attacking him. Liu Bei, when did you get so stupid? Lu Bu brandishes the intercepted letter, saying he knows all about their secret plans. Even though Lu Bu has more men, Liu Bei has taken the time to reinforce the walls of Xiaopei. Several non-productive days pass as Cao Cao's army draws near. Lu Bu asks Gongtai what to do. Gongtai recommends he lure Liu Bei out of the city. When Lu Bu asks how he should do that, Gongtai is like, "Why are you asking me? Why don't you ask your new BFF's, Deng and Gui?" Oh Gongtai, you jealous bitch. Lu Bu ends up having to have a piece of humble pie in order to get the answer.

A secret message is delivered by an arrow into Xiaopei. It's supposedly from Cao Cao. Or maybe it really is from Cao Cao. I'm getting kind of confused. Anyway, the letter says Cao Cao's army will be arriving soon and Liu Bei should join his army with Cao Cao's to take down Lu Bu. The next morning Liu Bei and Loudmouth believe they hear Cao Cao's war drum. The brothers and their troops ride out to a designated spot where the letter said they would encounter Cao Cao. He's not there but Guan Yu, who had been at a different fort all this time, is. He explains he had received a secret message from Cao Cao saying to meet him here. They quickly realize

Lu Bu and his crew show up and we get a confusing battle scene. The Three Musketeers attempt to retreat, but it is only Liu Bei who barely gets away. Realizing his brothers have been left behind he tries to return to the battle but his men (all five that are left) beg him not to go. Then, wouldn't you know it, Cao Cao and his army finally arrive.

Chen Gongtai rides to warn Lu Bu about Cao Cao. They race back to Xuzhou only to have Chen Gui taunt them from atop the city walls. (Apparently this great big city has only one gate and one drawbridge.) Gongtai recommends they ride to Xiapi and defend themselves there.

The Three Musketeers are reunited and apparently they just ride off into the sunset, leaving Cao Cao and everything behind.

Diaochan is dancing for Lu Bu. (But I thought she was left back in Xuzhou when he went to go fight. How did she get to Xiapi?) You can't have Diaochan dancing without Chen Gongtai nagging Lu Bu that now is not the time for all this. Lu Bu is confident Xiapi has adequate defenses and enough food for 100 days. Just then they receive news that Cao Cao is at the city gates wishing to speak with Lu Bu. The big moron thinks maybe Cao Cao is here to sue for peace. Gongtai shakes his head in disgust and leaves.

Diaochan finally has some lines! She gently nags Lu Bu to listen to whatever Chen Gongtai says to do. Lu Bu, you are just doomed to be nagged for your entire life.