CGI ships go sailing down the CGI River. It is the Sun faction who got through the fake fight with old man Liu Biao's troops. Claude Rains is instructing his eldest son on all the rewards they should send the old man when hidden archers up on the cliffs attack the ships. Dang, Daddy Sun is a pin cushion! He still has life enough to order the ships to make a break for it. However, Liu Biao's men have studded the CGI River with sharp boulders, making it impossible for the ships to get through. Daddy Sun says they'll have to go ashore and fight it out on solid ground.
There's a bloody - and to be honest, rather confusing - battle. Sometimes it is really hard to tell who is who. In the hold of the ship, Daddy Sun admits to Kid Sun how he was right about the imperial seal being bad luck. He tells Sun Quan to someday give the seal to one of Yuan Shao's brothers so that that family can kill each other over the seal. Daddy doesn't want his boy to see him die so instructs one of his generals to take the boy ashore.
Daddy Sun's older boy, Sun Ce, is valiantly fighting and manages to capture the general of the enemy, causing their troops to retreat. But while everyone has been fighting on land, some of the enemy has managed to sneak on board the boat with Claude Rains and are making off with him. Sun Ce wants to pursue but his generals and younger brother stop him. Dad is probably dead and Sun Ce's duty now is to get back home and protect the Southland. Sun Ce won't leave until he retrieves his father's body. They figure to trade the captured enemy general for the body and brave young Sun Quan volunteers to go handle the negotiations with old man Liu Biao.
I'd like to take a moment to give much respect to the child actor playing Sun Quan. Dramawiki lists him as Zheng Wei.
Old man Liu is worrying his old man head off over what he's done when Sun Quan comes to beg for his father's body. Liu's minions whisper (very, very loudly) they should kill the boy and take over the Southland. Sun Quan replies that his father's last words were to not seek vengeance with Liu Biao's people as it was Yuan Shao who was the main instigator. The people of the Southland just want to be friendly neighbors with the Jing. This wins old man Liu over and he returns the body.
Dong Zhuo's suck-up (what was his name again? Li Ru?) comes running up to inform the despot of the death of Sun Jian. Suck-up continues to suck up by urging Dong Zhuo to take the throne and declare himself emperor. Surprisingly Dong Zhuo is still hesitant, wondering how the people will take it. Suck-up suggests his master get his feet wet first by declaring himself as Imperial Father. Once they see how the ministers react to that they'll go from there. Dong Zhuo likes that idea and orders all the ministers to come for a feast. He also gives Suck-up a promotion. It's like I always say, sucking up is the only way to make it in the world.
As the ministers show up at Dong Zhuo's new digs, old man Wang and another minister, Zheng Wen, gossip about how much this house cost, how Dong Zhuo has taken all the maids and consorts from the imperial household, and how many troops guard this palatial pad. Yet inside it is this same Minister Zheng who begs Dong Zhuo to take the throne and start a new dynasty. I swear, there's so much sucking up in this episode I'm surprised there is any air left.
Just as Dong Zhuo is about to ask the other ministers how they like the idea, Lu Bu comes in and whispers in his father's ear. Dong Zhuo has his men seize Minister Zheng and drag him outside. Dong Zhuo reveals that Zheng was actually in cahoots with the rebel Yuan Shao and that Dong Zhuo's scouts have just intercepted a secret message between the two. Dong Zhuo stomps around the hall, asking if there are any other ministers who are faking their loyalty to him. He'll be able to tell by just once glance who is a traitor. He glares right at Wang but the old man has his poker face going strong. Dong Zhuo has another test. He gives each minister a cup of dead Zheng's blood. To prove their loyalty they must drink. As the ancient Chinese used to say: gag me with a spoon. Poor old man Wang looks green around the gills but he does what he has to do.
Back home Wang is so disgusted with himself he threatens suicide. Diaochan talks him out of it. A servant comes to announce Lu Bu is here. Wang thinks Lu Bu has come to arrest him but the servant informs Wang the purpose of the visit is to deliver a birthday gift to Diaochan. Wang then learns that this isn't the first visit Lu Bu has made to their home. It takes Wang foooorrrrreeeeevvvveeeerrrr to realize that Lu Bu is sweet on his daughter and I still don't think he's hit on the idea that Diaochan feels the same way as Wang suddenly begs his daughter to try and fall in love with Lu Bu in order to save the Han dynasty. Diaochan asks how can she save the Han but all her father answers is that he'll tell her later. Oh come on, Diaochan. Don't turn stupid on me now.
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