Prince of Lan Ling Episode 10

Gao Chang Gong tenderly cares for a fevered Yang Xue Wu. My first instinct was to tell her to shake it off as it looked like she had a shot at consummating her fake marriage. But it turns out she's having a vision so I guess this interruption is important.

 

Xue Wu sees Chang Gong and an unknown woman kneeling in front of Crown Prince Gao Wei. The prince hands each of them a small cup to drink from. Xue Wu tries to step up and warn Chang Gong when Grandma stops her. Grandma reminds her granddaughter of Chang Gong's fate to die because he outshone the prince and made Wei jealous.

 

Xue Wu awakens from her vision to find Chang Gong has cooked her breakfast. He's talking about the future and how, after the war is over, settling down in his childhood home with the woman he loves. Xue Wu starts acting cold and distant and requests he take her back to White Mountain Village where she claims she's destined to marry a local man. Chang Gong can't understand her sudden change from last night.

 

An De and Xiao Dong come to collect the couple. An De is so sure that Xue Wu and Chang Gong are now truly husband and wife after they spent the night alone together that he teases them mercilessly. Oh, George Hu; you finally get to shine.

 

A retreating King Yuwen Yung orders his troops to wipe out the nomadic Kuximo tribe because he's still in a bad mood. One Kuximo woman is able to run and hide. That night she sneaks back into the Zhou camp where they're utilizing the same small cage that Chang Gong used when he imprisoned the Beggars Village people.

 

The woman sneaks into Yung's quarters intent on assassinating the king. They fight in slow motion. Yung disarms the woman and then offers her a drink. He somehow convinces the tribal woman that he's the only hope for a peaceful future and asks that she stay by his side as he achieves his dream.

 

No, don't ask me what the hell just happened.

 

Chang Gong and the gang return to Luo Yang City where Gao Wei is throwing a victory feast. Don't drink anything, Chang Gong. Xue Wu pours her heart out to a sympathetic Xiao Dong about how wrong it is for her to fall in love with Chang Gong.

 

Yung tells Shen Ju how he's going to set up the tribal woman as a spy around Yuwen Hu.

 

Back at the celebration, Chang Gong has invited Beggars Village to the feast since they helped out so much in the battle. Gao Wei curls his nose up at the peasants. Since everyone thinks Xue Wu and the prince make a perfect couple, Chang Gong plays it up. Only Xiao Dong knows how Xue Wu is planning to leave soon and return to her home.

 

Up in the private dining room everyone is congratulating each other for their part in the victory. Party pooper Zu Ting brings up how the common soldiers have made up a song and dance. Gao Wei asks to see a performance of this new routine.

 

Jazz hands, everybody! Spin and kick and reach and twirl. Um, I thought there was supposed to be a song as well. I don't hear any singing. But to get to the point, this song and dance is all about Prince of Lan Ling and how super duper he is. Gao Wei gets even more jealous and threatened by Chang Gong's popularity.

 

Xue Wu tries to defuse the situation but only gets into an argument with toothy Zu Ting. You didn't help at all, Xue Wu.

 

That evening Zu Ting makes an unexpected visit to Xue Wu's quarters. She attempts to apologize for earlier. Zu Ting, who has already had one too many drinks, implies that while Xue Wu was in Zhou custody, she was probably banging every guy in sight. You have my permission to knock his many teeth out, Xue Wu.

 

Thank goodness, here comes Chang Gong to defend his woman. Zu Ting warns both of them that neither he nor the crown prince will forget how they were humiliated today. As the astrologer is walking away, Chang Gong grabs a hairpin out of Xue Wu's 'do and shurikens it right into the windbag's ass. I <3 Chang Gong!

 

Xue Wu chastises the prince for doing such a silly thing. Chang Gong finally starts asking why she's changed. He can't believe she doesn't have any feelings for him after she risked her own life to save him. Xue Wu tells him a little bit about Grandma's future predictions and how Chang Gong is not destined for her but to marry someone named Zheng.

 

Xue Wu begs the prince to let her go back to White Mountain Village. Chang Gong begs her to stay. Finally Xue Wu agrees to stay, but if one day a princess with the name of Zheng does show up then Chang Gong must promise to let Xue Wu go. Chang Gong accepts. 

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 9

Oh, sweet Prince. Let's see what shenanigans you're up to today.

 

 

King Yuwen Yung has forced Xue Wu to accompany him to witness the battle at Luo Yang. Yung is confident both that he will win the war and that Gao Chang Gong is dead from the poison and no longer a threat. He signals for the attack to begin.

 

Chang Gong's voiceover explains to us his plan of attack. First Yang Shi Shen will lead a contingent to make a surprise attack against the Zhou's rear. As predicted, Yung orders General Yuchi Jiong to see about this new problem. Shi Shen gets Yuchi to chase them up a hill to where Xiao Dong and the villagers wait in ambush. Just as the Zhou foot soldiers are climbing up the steep hill, the villagers unleash an avalanche of logs and boulders.

 

Chang Gong dons his battle mask. Time to get down to business. As he and his cavalry charge down the hill, his archers attack from the side, shooting flaming arrows into the Zhou's tents (which look like teepees). Inside those tents are the blankets the Zhou's had stolen from the villagers. The blankets had been specially treated with Xue Wu's explosive formula.

 

The Zhou army is now in total panic and disarray. Chang Gong and his valiant 500 storm straight towards the city gates, while tossing a few primitive grenades left and right. The city's beleaguered troops rejoice at the arrival of Prince of Lan Ling and are about to open the gates when that useless Gao Wei belays the order. The crown prince thinks this is a Zhou trick to get into the city and that's not really Lan Ling. (Actually, this is a good point and I can see why Wei is cautious.) Chang Gong takes off the mask to prove his identity. 

 

The city troops open the gate and joyfully rush to join Chang Gong. The prince urges them to seize the day now that they've gotten the advantage and he leads them into a mass slaughter on the retreating Zhou. Gao Wei doesn't look too happy at having his thunder stolen. 

 

King Yuwen rides out in an attempt to reassemble his troops. He and Chang Gong give each other the stink eye. 

 

Both men reach for a bow and arrow and fire at each other. Both men are able to deflect the other's arrow. Somewhere General Yuchi is about to lead his reserve troops into battle when suddenly he's stopped by a messenger. The Prime Minister, Yuwen Hu (the king's other nemesis), is furious at Yung making this unsanctioned attack. Hu orders everyone to retreat. The messenger further warns Yuchi that if the general doesn't obey the prime minister's orders, Yuchi will return home to attend the funerals of his entire family.

 

Meanwhile, Hulu Sr. arrives with 30,000 reinforcements. Yung is wondering where the heck Yuchi is when, without his consent, the retreat signal is sounded. General Yuwen Shen Ju has to break it to the king about the prime minister's intervention from afar. As Yung seethes in futility, Chang Gong leads a sudden charge in an attempt to capture the rival king. Yung has no choice but to retreat.

 

During the confusion, Xue Wu makes her break for freedom. She's pursued by Zhou soldiers who want to bring their divine sorceress back home. Xue Wu dives into a nearby forest where she's reunited with Chang Gong. A storm breaks so he takes her to a nearby abandoned house for shelter. Finally, some alone time.

 

We learn the empty house was once where Chang Gong and his mother lived when he was young. He had a happy and simply life with his mother until the day Imperial Tutor Duan Shao came to fetch Chang Gong to live in the palace. It seems Mom was once an army follower who just happened to get pregnant by the king. Young Chang Gong innocently expected Mom to come join him in the palace. He never saw her again.

 

Xue Wu gives him a comforting hug. Chang Gong thinks back to all the adventures they've had together (which is quite a lot for just nine episodes). He takes her face in his hands and looks like he's about to make his move when Chang Gong notices Xue Wu feels hot. Is she ill? Xue Wu starts to faint. Aw, girl! This is no time to be fainting!

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 8

King Yuwen Yong and Xue Wu are still on his big boat as he presents her to his CGI army. The trouble with being on the Great CGI River are the CGI snakes, one of which just happens to be slithering along and bites Yong's hand. The king expects the divine sorceress to cure him. Xue Wu has no choice but to try and suck the poison out.

 

During all this commotion, Xiao Dong is sneaking around the boat, searching for the antidote for Chang Gong. Go, Cute Boy, go!

 

Chang Gong wakes up after having a dream about Xue Wu being in danger. An De explains how she left to go find the antidote in Zhou. Chang Gong tries to get up to go find her but he does that blood spitting thing Asian dramas like to do so much.

 

Xue Wu helps Yong back to his quarters. He reveals that the whole snake-bite thing was a set up. The snake had already been de-venomed (is that a word?) before biting the king. Yong just wanted a demonstration before the troops of the divine sorceress' powers. You're an ass, Yong.

 

Cute Boy is captured and brought before the king. Yong orders Xiao Dong to be executed. Xue Wu falls to her knees and begs for Cute Boy's life. Yong unbends a little and stays the execution - for now. Xiao Dong is able to whisper to Xue Wu that he wasn't able to find the antidote but he did find the poison. He surreptitiously drops the tiny packet on the floor before being hauled off.

 

Xue Wu makes the incredibly risky/incredibly stupid move of giving herself the poison in order to force Yong's hand. A doctor tries to give Xue Wu the antidote. She instead grabs the jar and appears to pour some of the antidote onto a handkerchief. Yong takes another jar of the antidote, puts some into his mouth and kisses Xue Wu in order to force the liquid into her mouth. Xue Wu bites Yong on the lip to break the kiss. She turns away from everyone and spits the antidote onto the same handkerchief so now the cloth is soaking wet with antidote.

 

Xue Wu tells the king she won't take the cure until Yong promises to release Xiao Dong. Yong reluctantly agrees and even allows Xiao Dong to visit her before he's set free. Xue Wu asks Cute Boy to give Chang Gong her handkerchief as a reminder of her. (Xiao Dong has this weird thing sticking out of the back of his wig. Hair and Makeup really needs to fix it.)

 

As Xiao Dong struggles to make it back to Qi he's chased by Zhou soldiers. In order to escape the mounted soldiers, Cute Boy must jump off the side of a steep cliff.

 

Crown Prince Gao Wei walks right into an ambush and loses most of his soldiers.

 

An injured Xiao Dong stumbles into the camp. Duan Shao is smart enough to figure out that Xue Wu's handkerchief is full of the antidote and they use it to cure Chang Gong. The prince wants to jump right out of bed and go rescue Xue Wu but then Chang Gong learns about the ambush. Not only that, but it turns out the Zhou, along with the Turkestan army, are twice the number the Qi were originally expecting. Xue Wu will just have to wait.

 

Although Gao Wei took most of his army, Chang Gong still has 500 men left under his command. Xiao Dong, quickly recovered from his injuries, offers help from the villagers. While the Zhou have superior numbers, the weather is cold and they are freezing. Xiao Dong and the peasants arrive claiming they are seeking sanctuary. The Zhou simply steal the villagers' blankets - just as planned.

 

Inside the city walls things are falling apart. The food is running out and Gao Wei is starting to lose it. They're hoping to be rescued by Hulu Sr., but even then he has only 20,000 troops compared to the superior numbers of the Zhou. All looks lost.

 

Chang Gong gives a "Tonight we dine in hell" kind of speech to his few, his happy few. They all take a drink and smash the cups on the ground. Opa! 

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 7

Prince of An De releases the villagers and takes Xue Wu to go get cleaned up and changed before being taken to see Chang Gong. While An De had told her and the villagers that Chang Gong is fine and his wound was minor, Xue Wu can see that he's really in bad shape. Chang Gong doesn't want the truth to get out and affect his men's morale. Since this is a poison created by the Zhou, the Qi doctors don't know how to cure it. Everyone (except hot-headed Shi Shen) turns to the divine sorceress for help.

 

Meanwhile on the Great CGI River in China, Queen Axina arrives at the boat where her husband, King Yuwen Yong, is resting. This gives Axina the chance to tell the audience the back story of Zhou and how Yong's two older brothers had once been king but Yuwen Hu disposed of them. All this exposition awakens Yong.

 

General Yuwen Shen Ju reports how everything appears to be going on as normal in Chang Gong's camp. Yong isn't fooled. He knows Chang Gong is just keeping up appearances. With his greatest enemy down for the count, Yong feels now is the time for Zhou to attack Luo Yang and its capital, Ye City.

 

Despite being ill, Chang Gong gamely puts on a brave face to lead his troops back to defend Luo Yang. Things aren't made any easier when the crown Prince Gao Wei (played by Zhai Tian Lin) and his entourage drops in for a visit. Xue Wu remembers Granny mentioning Gao Wei when she was fortune telling for Yang Jian. (Whatever happened to that dude anyway?) Chang Gong explains to Xue Wu that Gao Wei is a good man but is under the influence of the toothy royal astrologer, Zu Ting.

 

Gao Wei (and Zu Ting) have heard about Lan Ling's injury and have come up with the great idea of Chang Gong turning over his troops to the crown prince. Our gang doesn't like this idea at all but see no way out of it for now. Reluctantly Chang Gong turns over his seal of authority to his brother. All this stress and turmoil makes Chang Gong even sicker. The camp doctor predicts Chang Gong has only days to live.

 

Xue Wu asks Xiao Dong to help her sneak into Zhou state so she can find the antidote to the poison. Turns out it's not hard at all. I should have mentioned before that right as Yuwen Yong was about to ride off last episode he slipped something into Xue Wu's hand. Some kind of pendant or something. Using this pendant opens the doors (well, gangways) to Yong's big boat.

 

Yong has Xue Wu all spruced up before her grand entrance. He knows she's here for the antidote. Xue Wu attempts to appeal to his "Weirdo" side, reminding him of what a good and helpful man he was back at Beggars Village. Yong is having none of that. Not only is he not going to give Xue Wu the antidote, Yong is keeping her, to make her Zhou state's official divine sorceress.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 6

Hot pink Qi soldiers bar the Beggars Village inhabitants from leaving as brush is piled up around the perimeter. Chang Gong, what part of "Heroes don't burn innocent people alive" are you not getting?

 

When the guys notice Xue Wu is in the village, Chang Gong gives her (and only her) a chance to leave before the fires are lit. Xue Wu won't abandon the villagers. She falls to the ground and begs Chang Gong to rescind his order. Silent Guy/Weirdo/Missing King and Xiao Dong look on. Chang Gong relents a little bit by giving Xue Wu seven days to clean up the village and stop the epidemic or else everyone will get a hot time in the old town tonight.

 

Night falls. Outside of the village An De has a soldier play a mouth harp. The weird sound is supposed to be a coded message that Zhou spies use. Chang Gong is wanting to lure Silent Guy out. When Xue Wu finds Weirdo missing she goes looking for him. He tries to get away from her but he's weak with fever. During their struggle they somehow find the biggest hole in China and journey to the center of the earth. Seriously, where'd that hole come from? How could they not see it before falling into it?

 

Anyway, after killing a big snake, Xue Wu finds some fresh water. Using her ceremonial belt (remember, Chang Gong gave it back to her), she soaks it in the water to use as a cool compress on Silent Guy's feverish head. The next morning Silent Guy is measurably better. Xue Wu figures it must be due to the much cleaner water he was drinking down in the hole. Up above, Xiao Dong and his search party find the missing pair. No one notices Silent Guy tucking away Xue Wu's belt.

 

Back in the village Xue Wu instructs the populace on how to filter their filthy water. (She takes me back to my Epidemiology class.) Next she teaches them how to disinfect their hovels. Better living through chemistry. Xue Wu goes on to invent soap and finally washes all that muck off of Silent Guy's face. Now that Silent Guy is clean and healthier, he starts coming out of his shell and helping out around the village, although he still hasn't uttered a word.

 

Silent Guy and some of the villagers go to the river to collect some water. While no one is looking, Silent Guy releases some material into the river which flows into Zhou. The scraps of cloth are gathered by Yuchi Jiong and he shows them to Queen Axina. She recognizes them as being part of a Zhou uniform. These scraps have been found for three days straight. She concludes it must be her missing husband sending them a message. Yuchi sets out with his army for the border.

 

The seven day deadline is up. Chang Gong and his men storm the village. While he doesn't burn the place down, Chang Gong does order all the strangers in the village to be rounded up. Surprisingly there's a couple of other guys besides Silent Guy who are put in the line up. The Qi have also been finding the telltale scraps of cloth in the river so they know the guy they're looking for is in Beggars Village.

 

Chang Gong starts to suspect Silent Guy as a Zhou spy. Xue Wu and Xiao Dong come to Weirdo's defense, talking about how Silent Guy has been so helpful cleaning up and repairing the village. Xue Wu chastises Chang Gong for picking on Silent Guy. This infuriates Yang Shi Shen and he pulls out his sword. Silent Guy puts himself protectively in front of Xue Wu and finally speaks.

 

Chang Gong takes Weirdo prisoner and straps the guy to a cross. They sure like crucifixion in this show. When questioned, Weirdo cleverly insinuates that he and Xue Wu have been more than just friends. A jealous Chang Gong isn't made any easier when he discovers Xue Wu's belt in Weirdo's possession.

 

Xue Wu comes to beg for Weirdo's life. An angry Chang Gong says he'll organize a competition for tomorrow. If Weirdo wins, then he'll be released.

 

Chang Gong's idea of a competition is to have Weirdo and a ferocious tiger chained to the same post. Weirdo is wrestling bare handed with the beast. Xue Wu grabs a nearby soldier's spear and races into the makeshift arena to attempt to save Weirdo. Instead she falls flat on her face. Now the tiger is heading for her. Chang Gong unsheathes his sword while Weirdo pulls out a ... I dunno, it looks like a stick or arrow shaft ... from his rags. Both men kill the tiger before it can harm Xue Wu.

 

The way Weirdo killed the tiger makes Xue Wu flash back to the stormy night at the inn when she found the dead innkeeper and henchman. She realizes now that Weirdo is the one who murdered them. Chang Gong calls Weirdo out as the missing King Yuwen Yong (played by Daniel Chan).

 

Just then the Zhou army rides up with their repeater crossbows. Oh no, Xiao Dong's granny gets an arrow in the back. Yuwen Yong is cut free of his chains. He orders his men to bring Xue Wu, the divine sorceress, along with them. Xue Wu refuses, especially now as Chang Gong has been hit by a poison arrow. Yuwen rides off without her and Shi Shen orders Xue Wu and the villagers to be locked up.

Dracula Episode 10

Season Finale?! You give us only ten episodes and think you can call it a season? Back in my day we would get over twice as many episodes before summer hiatus. I blame global warming.

 

 

 

Let There Be Light

 

 

It's a circus in the streets as Alexander Grayson proceeds with his public demonstration of his steampunk thingy.

 

Lady Jayne is gathering her huntsmen and introduces the Sicilian seer (and fashion police fugitive) Loiza Scaverra. He's brought with him the most sacred relic in Christendom: a strip of cloth with the blood of Jesus on it.

 

Harker, looking like a mess on purpose, reports back to work after being missing for two days. With a tear in his eye, Harker confesses to Grayson about being drunk out of his head and killing Lord Davenport.

 

With the help of the (eww) bubbling blood of Christ, Scaverra has a vision of a vampire nest. Jayne sends Kaha Ruma and his squad out to deal with the blood suckers. There's only two of them, big whoop. As arranged, the huntsmen shoot up flairs for each kill they make.

 

Dracula can feel a disturbance in the Force.

 

Mr. Browning rushes home when he learns his wife has received word from the kidnapper. A word - and a severed finger from one of the kids.

 

Van Helsing has a bit of a mental breakdown as he trashes the lab in the basement of Carfax Manor, destroying the solar serum. Renfield hears all the commotion and demands an explanation. Van Helsing explains - with a knife to Renfield's gut.

 

While Grayson is busy with a press conference of sorts, Harker sneaks in some Order minions to sabotage the steampunk thingy. Jonathan starts to get cold feet when he realizes they're doing more than creating a major malfunction. The steampunk thingy will probably take out a city block. Harker fears for Mina's life and goes looking for her.

 

Mr. Browning arrives at the abandoned barn as instructed by the kidnapper. Van Helsing takes Browning by surprise and disarms him. Van Helsing is insulted when he isn't recognized by Browning. You know, after you've burned so many people alive, their faces all blend together.

 

Van Helsing pulls a lever activating a trap door. Browning drops down below to the basement level. Out of the shadows emerge his two children. Are you getting a 'Salem's Lot vibe yet? You should be, as Van Helsing dosed them with some of Dracula's blood. The children pounce upon their father and start feeding on him. Upstairs, Van Helsing turns over a barrel of fuel and sets the barn on fire.

 

Scaverra has another vision, this time of Dracula himself. Lady Jayne can no longer dismiss the fact that Grayson is Dracula. She dons her leather duster to go do battle. Before she leaves, Scaverra gives her a knife from the papal armory.

 

Harker desperately surfs the crowd at the demonstration and finally finds Mina, warning her they have to get out of here before the steampunk thingy blows up. Mina instead runs up to where Grayson is to warn him about the sabotage. They try to turn the machine off but it won't respond. Harker drags Mina away while Grayson stays behind to try and stop the explosion.

 

He doesn't succeed.

 

Harker and Mina wake up in the rubble strewn street outside. Mina calls Harker a murderer for killing Grayson and all these innocent people, including Harker's foreign accent buddy from the paper. I never did learn that guy's name.

 

Lady Jayne goes down into the pit of what used to be Grayson's factory and starts searching for the vampire. Grayson reveals himself and advises Lady Jayne to leave him and The Order and live a natural, wholesome life. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. After exchanging a few blows, Lady Jayne stabs Dracula in the side with the sacred knife. (I'm a bit disappointed. I was expecting a more epic battle between these two.)

 

Dracula falls to the ground. Jayne picks up a hatchet and starts to swing. Dracula moves like a blur, picking Jayne up instead and flinging her through the air. She's impaled (heh) on a piece of metal sticking up from the ground. As a last act of mercy, Dracula rips her throat out.

 

Lucy wakes up hungry and snacks on her mother.

 

A bedraggled Mina arrives at Carfax Manor to find a bedraggled Grayson. There's nothing like a cataclysmic brush with death to make you want to crawl into the nearest bed and make the beast with two backs.

 

Van Helsing and Jonathan Harker join forces to destroy Dracula.

Boys Before Friends Episode 4

After the "Previously on Boys Before Friends ..." that lasts a whopping seven minutes, everyone regrets kissing who they kissed. Well no, Liam regrets nothing. The girls go back to the beach house where they completely fail the Bechdel test.

 

The next day everyone is sitting outside drinking coffee and trying to talk over the sound of the high winds. Chase tells a scary story. "And they fired the two lead actors of the series!" This goes on for about another seven minutes.

 

The head prostitute organizes a house game of girls vs. boys. Chase talks to Chloe about Noah. Chloe talks to Chase about Piper. Noah talks to Piper about Chloe. Piper talks to Noah about Chloe. Weren't they supposed to be playing a game?

 

To give the Show credit, Zoey #2 and Liam have a conversation that I can believe two people on a date would actually have. They learn about each other's dreams and goals. (Although it is pointed out Zoey #2 says she would like to teach underprivileged kids to dance, then in another line says she doesn't think she can teach kids.)

 

A new song is introduced on the show. The song is more important than hearing what the actors are saying. Seriously, you get to hear the entire song.

 

Chase comforts a weeping Piper. Her boyfriend just gave her the brush-off. Piper unloads her woes upon Chase's wide shoulders.

 

Sensitive Oliver comes to Zoey #2 to talk about the unseen Jade and whether or not he should go with his girlfriend to New York. Zoey #2 advises Oliver to go and give it a try. They share a platonic hug that makes a spying Liam jealous. After Oliver leaves, Liam accuses Zoey of being a tease.

 

The next day Liam apologizes to Zoey and asks if she'll go out with him.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 5

Just as Xue Wu is mixing up another batch of her explosives, she's caught red-handed by Yuchi Jiong. He recognizes her as the bride from earlier and takes Xue Wu into custody.

 

Meanwhile, Chang Gong and his band of brothers try to figure out how to get through the guarded gate. Duan Shao remembers Xue Wu gave him some explosive powders and he hands them over. Chang Gong ties the tiny packets to a couple of arrows and aims at the wooden gate. Kapow! The gate is blown open and the guards are blown down.

 

The gang rides through and out into the forest. Yet when they reach the rendezvous site and there's no sign of Xue Wu, Chang Gong wants to go back and find her. The others counsel him not to go back as it was so hard for them to get out the first time.

 

Oh dear, they've tied our poor Xue Wu up and she's hanging head down over some water. Yuchi starts asking questions. Whenever he doesn't like the answer, Yuchi signals for Xue Wu to be dunked in the water. Hell yeah! Here comes the one man wrecking crew, Chang Gong, slaughtering everyone in his path! Soon the only one left to face him is Yuchi himself. During their sword fight, Yuchi manages to cut the rope that's holding Xue Wu up. She plunges into the water. (Technically only her feet were tied and she could easily have swum to the surface. But where's the drama in that?)

 

Chang Gong leaps gracefully over the side and into the water, swimming to the sinking Xue Wu. He presses his lips to hers and blows life-giving air back into her. Their first kiss. He brings her back to the surface where they're found by Prince of An De and Duan Shao.

 

Our group rides through the night back to the fort. Poor Xu Da, however, is doing badly. His wounds are festering.

 

Still, inevitable death doesn't mean Xue Wu and Chang Gong can't have an intimate, candle-lit dinner in a romantic setting. Xue Wu gets a little loose lipped with all the wine and starts telling Chang Gong about Granny's predictions, like how he'll marry a woman with the surname Zheng.

 

The next morning Xue Wu leaves to return to White Mountain Village.

 

At the Zhou palace, Queen Axina identifies some armor as belonging to her husband, the missing king. It was found along the border between Zhou and Qi. The queen gives Yuchi a chance to redeem himself after the Lan Ling debacle and orders her general to find the king before word gets out to the rest of the world.

 

A storm forces Xue Wu to seek shelter at the very same inn where she was kidnapped by human traffickers. No one seems to be around and Xue Wu finds a trail of blood. Naturally she has to follow it. First she finds the body of the dead henchman, then the dead body of the evil innkeeper. Xue Wu turns around and finds another body, but this guy at least is alive although he's not talking.

 

Down below soldiers enter the inn announcing they're here to search for Zhou spies. Fearing the soldiers will think she's the one who murdered the innkeeper and henchman, Xue Wu and Silent Guy climb out a window down to the courtyard. (What strange rain as neither one appears to be getting wet although it's pouring down.)

 

Aww, Xu Da has succumbed to his injuries.

 

Xue Wu stops somewhere to buy herself and Silent Guy some food. The food vendor has all sorts of lines, advising Xue Wu to dump the sickly Silent Guy who appears to have come from Beggars Village. Xue Wu refuses to ignore a sick man but she will try the village to see if this is where Silent Guy originated from.

 

Beggars Village looks like a leper colony. Xue Wu and I are grossed out at the filthy conditions the people are enduring. But wait, amongst the filth is Cute Boy/Bad Boy Xiao Dong. Xue Wu decides to dump Silent Guy off at Xiao Dong's hovel. Turns out he really does have a sick grandmother. Xiao Dong begs Xue Wu not to tell his granny about his dubious deeds.

 

Chang Gong and co. continue to search for the missing Zhou king. An De points out they haven't looked in Beggars Village yet.

 

Xiao Dong tells Xue Wu he's never seen Silent Guy before. The stranger isn't from this village. Silent Guy needs a name so they settle on Weirdo. As they're talking another guy runs up to warn them that soldiers have arrived and are threatening to burn down the village.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 4

With the help of the evil innkeeper, Xue Wu gets dressed for her pretend marriage. As she descends down the stairs, Chang Gong and An De get their "Say, she cleans up pretty good," moment. The plan, what there is of it, is for their group to act like a wedding party in order to get through the gates of Dan Zou City. After that, they're winging it.

 

Meanwhile, Zhou General Yuwen Shen Ju informs Queen Axina that their king is missing! She orders Yuwen to go immediately to Dan Zou City where Yuchi Jiong already is. The two generals are to then join forces to find the missing king before the Qi do.

 

As the fake wedding party travels along they encounter the imperial tutor, Duan Shao. He figured Chang Gong was up to something in order to save Xu Da and the old man is here to help. He's brought wedding gifts that are in fact chests full of weapons.

 

In Dan Zou City Yuwen reports the situation to Yuchi. Yuchi orders his men to assemble for the search. This leaves the dungeon guard detail stretched thin, with only one guy watching over Hulu Xu Da. Suddenly a character I've never seen before knocks the lone guard out and frees Xu Da. Random Peasant explains he's originally from Qi and at one time Hulu Sr. saved his father's life. It's payback time, in a good way. Also, Random Peasant was listening in when the two Zhou generals were talking so he knows all about the missing king.

 

Oh no, Random Peasant just got a sword through the chest! Yuchi Jiong hadn't left the building yet. Xu Da remains a prisoner. You so evil, Yuchi.

 

With a little fast talking and money to grease the wheels, the wedding party is allowed through the gates. But not so fast! It's Yuchi Jiong again. You're everywhere, Yuchi. The evil general is suspicious of the party and insists he be invited to attend the wedding. Chang Gong plays it cool and says it would be such an honor to have the general at his wedding.

 

But not so fast again! Just as they're setting out, an arrow drops out of the carriage carrying Xue Wu. Yuchi demands an explanation as to why a wedding party would need an arrow. Xue Wu, listening to all this from inside the carriage, speaks up. She explains how it is customary in her hometown for a blessed arrow to be hung up to ensure the birth of a son. Pretty clever, girlfriend.

 

Yuchi settles for this explanation. He orders the pretend bride and groom to be married in the city's most sacred temple in front of an image of the goddess Nu Wa. (Takes me back to my old game, The Middle Kingdom.) Xue Wa is worried. This pretend marriage is starting to take a turn to become a real marriage. (No offense, China/Taiwan/prop department, but that's a butt-ugly statue of a goddess. Surely you could have done better.)

 

After the all-too-true marriage ceremony, Yuchi attempts to give the bride a gift of pomegranates, also a tradition to ensure the birth of a boy. Xue Wu is quick on the take. She points out pomegranates are a Qi tradition, and they're not from Qi. Yuchi allows them all to leave the temple but he's not fooled. He has spies keep tabs on the group.

 

Chang Gong and company retire to a house already procured by a Qi confederate. Chang Gong knows they're being watched by Yuchi. This doesn't change their plans for breaking Xu Da out. Chang Gong tells Xue Wu to change into plain clothes and get out of the city as soon as she can. She returns his war mask. He returns her ceremonial belt.

 

There's a long line at the gate to get out of the city. Xue Wu hears that the gate will be closed for the next three days as the city searches for Lan Ling. Of course Xue Wu heads back into the city in order to warn her sort of/almost/not quite husband.

 

While the city guard goosesteps around to bully the populace, Yang Shi Shen and An De take down some of the Zhou and steal their armor for disguises. Duan Shao is acting as a decoy when he encounters Xue Wu again and takes her under his care.

 

A disguised An De marches in with the other Zhou soldiers to the execution grounds. The tension mounts as Xu Da is brought out. Yuchi Jiong watches and waits, fully expecting Chang Gong to make his move. Weights are tied to Xu Da's feet and a noose is put around his neck. Xu Da is slowly strangled as Yuchi loudly taunts Lan Ling for being a coward.

 

Suddenly fireballs rain down inside the execution ground. With this huge distraction, An De and his men make their move to get to Xu Da and free him. Thinking An De is Lan Ling, Yuchi orders his hidden archers to start firing their crossbows down into the crowd. Yeah, he's gonna hit his own men but sacrifices must be made.

 

An De and his men are surrounding Xu Da when Yuchi reveals another surprise: a gigantic net is unraveled around the entire execution stage. Yuchi enjoys a villainous laugh. For a few seconds.

 

Chang Gong, using his bow, ziplines over their heads, cutting the netting away from his friends before he lands on the ground and starts swinging with his sword. Awesome. Chang Gong captures Yuchi and uses him as hostage to keep the other Zhou soldiers at bay.

 

Duan Shao drives a carriage inside so they can load up the wounded Xu Da as well as their hostage. Out in the streets, Shi Shen helps keep the following forces back as the little carriage escapes. Inside, Xu Da gasps the news about the missing Zhou king before falling unconscious. With everyone concerned more about Xu Da, Yuchi Jiong is able to leap out of the back of the carriage.

 

Chang Gong and the gang quickly ditch the conspicuous carriage. Yuchi and his men are searching the city and are coming very close to where our heroes are holding up when BANG! Thanks to her superior chemistry skills, Xue Wu has peppered the city with IEDs.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 3

Prince of An De and Yang Shi Shen are glad when the real Gao Chang Gong comes back to the fort, but now they're all worried that Hulu Xu Da has gone missing. Chang Gong mounts up again to lead a search party out. They find the dead bodies of the Zhou ambushers but there's no body of Xu Da.

 

Back at White Mountain Village, Yang Xue Wu discovers Chang Gong has left his war mask behind. Knowing how important it is to him, Xue Wu decides to leave the magical village and search for Chang Gong out in the real world.

 

Xu Da is still alive (and I'm glad. When he takes off that silly helmet the guy is kind of cute.) He's being held prisoner by the Zhou. Xu Da may be chained to a cross but that doesn't mean he can't bite off the ear of his torturer. (Yeah, you really didn't need to show the severed ear up close, Show.)

 

Chang Gong and the Prince go to comfort Hulu Sr. as the Zhou have released the news that they'll be executing Hulu Jr. tomorrow. Chang Gong wants to sneak into Dan Zou City where Xu Da is being held. Hulu Sr. warns this can only be a trap and he refuses to sanction the prince risking his life like this.

 

At the Li Zheng Palace, General Yuchi Jiong meets with the Empress Axina. You know she's evil because of the music that's played. She's in on the plan to capture Lan Ling even though they don't know what the guy looks like as Chang Gong always wears his mask in battle. Axina is apparently from Turkestan (or thereabouts) and if Yuchi were to capture the legendary Lan Ling, then surely the empress' father would loan the Zhou a huge army to conquer the Qi.

 

Xue Wu has finally reached a city and naturally the first thing that occurs to the country bumpkin is she's harassed for money. Whoa, who's this cute guy? Han Xiao Dong (played by Wei Qian Xiang) comes to her rescue. Too bad I don't trust this cutie as far as I could throw him.

 

Xiao Dong takes Xue Wu to an inn for dinner and a place to stay for the night. He starts giving her this sad sack story about a sick grandmother. Listening to Xiao Dong's story, Xue Wu is able to diagnosis what's wrong with "Grandma" and gives him some medicinal herbs to use. Xiao Dong looks a bit guilty. You're so up to something, Cute Boy.

 

The innkeeper returns with some drink for the couple. Aha, what was that look the woman and Xiao Dong exchanged? Don't drink the milk, Xue Wu!

 

Too late.

 

Xue Wu is immediately rendered unconscious. The evil innkeepers gives Xiao Dong a bag of money. He again feels a little guilty but not guilty enough that he doesn't take the money and leaves the sleeping girl behind.

 

When Xue Wu awakens she discovers she's tied up and in the basement. She's not alone as there are other women prisoners down there as well. They are all doomed to be sold to brothels.

 

Just then Xue Wu hears the sound of approaching horses. Xue Wu starts yelling for help but is stopped by another girl who explains the horses probably belong to the men who have come to buy the girls.

 

But it's Chang Gong and friends. Surely that's a good thing, right? Wrong, as they really are here to buy a girl from these human traffickers. Um, Chang Gong, you just went down a notch on your hero rating.

 

Xue Wu breaks a crock pot and uses the sharp shards to cut everyone free. Next, she goes into MacGyver mode, using what she can find around the basement to bend the iron bars across a window. (Kids, don't try this at home as it probably wouldn't work in Real Life.)

 

Xue Wu is the last one about to go through the window when the evil innkeeper's henchman discovers they're escape. He's able to grab Xue Wu and drag her back in. Since all the other girls ran away, the evil innkeeper has no choice but to show Xue Wu to Chang Gong. He recognizes Xue Wu but keeps his cool as he agrees to buy her. Xue Wu is fit to be tied. Oh wait, she's already tied.

 

Xue Wu is taken upstairs to a room where Chang Gong is expected to enjoy his new purchase. He's acting drunk. At least, I hope he's acting. During a struggle Xue Wu is able to knock Chang Gong out. She opens up a window and is starting to climb out onto the roof when she hears voices below. It's the innkeepers henchman bargaining with some masked men. He's drugged Chang Gong's wine and these guys are supposed to go in and finish the rich guy off. Reluctantly Xue Wu goes back inside to try and wake Chang Gong up.

 

Chang Gong ain't moving so Xue Wu has to rig some booby traps within the room. Wait a minute - those masked guys look kind of familiar. Isn't that Yang Shi Shen and the prince? It is. And Chang Gong was just acting like he was drugged. This was all a test to see if Xue Wu had the guts and skills to take on a dangerous mission to help them rescue Xu Da.

 

For the first part of their rescue plan, Chang Gong and Xue Wu must wed.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 2

Xue Wu is pretty upset with Gao Chang Gong for not revealing earlier that he was a man. She's distracted by the knowledge that Snowy the horse is severely injured. She makes the rash decision to sneak Chang Gong and Snowy into the secretive White Mountain Village.

 

Granny may be blind but she ain't no fool. She knows there's a stranger in town. Granny gruffly allows Chang Gong shelter for one night as they work on Snowy, but the unwelcomed guests must leave immediately tomorrow. Granny warns Xue Wu that if Chang Gong betrays their secret, Xue Wu's life is forfeit per village law.

 

Xue Wu falls asleep while working on her ceremonial belt. Chang Gong decides to help her out by adding an accessory from his own clothing. The next morning Xue Wu rushes to join the initiation ceremony. There are only three other girls participating in the ritual and of course these are the three mean (and kind of unattractive) girls who have been bullying Xue Wu. (As we all know, Mean Girls come in sets of three.)

 

The big climax of the ritual is when a local man from the village steps forward to accept the belt from the girl he is interested in. As would only happen in a fairy tale, all the ugly girls get guys while beautiful Xue Wu tries to keep a brave face. Chang Gong, watching the ceremony as he was preparing to leave, wants to help Xue Wu out. He steps up to accept Xue Wu's belt.

 

But he's cock blocked by an angry Granny. Why is he still here? Why is he interfering in their ceremonies? Xue Wu is embarrassed and runs home to cry. Chang Gong picks up the belt to take with him as he leaves the hidden village. When Granny finally finds a weeping Xue Wu, the elder lady explains why she was so harsh earlier. She was trying to make sure Xue Wu didn't fall in love with Chang Gong, as Granny had looked at the fortune telling bones and saw the man is destined to die in a year or so.

 

Back at Hu Kou, Chang Gong's buddies are worried that he's been gone for an entire day. Hula Xu Da recklessly rides out alone to search for his friend. Suddenly he's attacked by a small Zhou squad. He's holding his own against the superior numbers when Chang Gong, wearing his battle mask, rides in and comes to Xu Da's aid.

 

Or does he?

 

Without warning Chang Gong stabs Xu Da twice in the back. A dying Xu Da stumbles around to face the man he thought was his friend. Turns out it wasn't. The man removes the mask to reveal...

 

Yuchi Jiong.

 

 

This is a Taiwan/Mainland China joint effort and already I can see the contribution Taiwan has made. The episodes have logical endings. As you may know, my one pet peeve with Chinese dramas is the way they end an episode. Look, I don't expect cliffhangers like Korea excels at. I just ask for closure. Chinese episodes tend to peter out. Either nothing important is happening or it appears an actor is right in the middle of performing his scene when the director realizes, "Whoops, we're out of time. Cut!" So annoying.

Prince of Lan Ling Episode 1

You can watch Prince of Lan Ling over at DramaFever.

 

 

The Great Omniscient Voiceover tells us it is 557 A.D. (that's right, I'm old school. No C.E. for me.) and the Wei Jin Southern and Northern Dynasties have fallen. A lone man, Yang Jian, Black Cape Swordsman (played by Han Dong), is walking through a desolate land. Nearby, a couple of peasants are eating some fish they just caught when they discover a human finger inside. Yang Jian stops long enough to explain to the hungry men that there's been a major battle further upstream and all the dead bodies were dumped in the river. The fish have been eating on the corpses, so Yang Jian advises the locals not to be eating the fish for a couple of months.

 

Yang Jian walks on farther until he reaches a fog bank. He releases a very pretty/very fake bird. The bird flies through the fog into a land where the harvest has been so abundant the villagers don't know where they're going to put all the extra food. The bird flies into the home of Xue Wu's grandmother. (Granny doesn't seem to get a name.) Granny, who is blind, knows the bird is from Yang Jian. She waves her hand and the fog bank magically disappears, permitting the swordsman to enter the land of milk and honey.

 

Visiting with Granny, Yang Jian relates the news about the outside world. It's all in turmoil. He asks why Granny and her people don't help out. Granny goes into manga mode as pictures tell the story. Once long ago her tribe of sorceresses did help the king, but the power hungry used and abused them. What was left of the Wu tribe then retreated to White Mountain Village and put up the magic wall of fog to protect them from the outside.

 

Granny proceeds to read Yang Jian's fortune. She talks about the Zhou and the Qi. They're strong. The Chen down south are weak. She advises Yang Jian to keep an eye out for four people. There's Yuwen Hu and his nephew Yuwen Yung, both of the Northern Zhou. In the Qi state there's Gao Wei and Gao Chang Gong (otherwise known as Prince of Lan Ling).

 

BTW, this entire conversation is being eavesdropped on by the young Yang Xue Wu.

 

Time skip ahead ten years. Over at Hu Kou, in the northern part of Qi, Gao Chang Gong (played by Feng Shao Feng) is preparing his men to face off with their enemy, the Zhou. I've never seen an army dressed in hot pink before. As the trumpets blow, Chang Gong dons his mardi gras mask. Already engaged in battle are Yang Shi Shen and Hulu Xu Da.

 

The Zhou, figuring they've got the Qi outnumbered, are confident of a victory. Their leader, Yuchi Jiong, has put a large reward on Hulu's head. Capture him and it will be like Gao Chang Gong has one hand tied. But when they see Gao himself is joining the battle, Yuchi puts an even bigger bounty on his head. Yuchi is just dying to rip off that mask and see the pretty boy's face.

 

When they see Gao Chang Gong get on his horse and ride away, Yuchi Jiong orders his entire army to go after the one guy. A nameless minion warns to watch out for traps. Gao is heading into an area with quicksand. Of course no one listens to the nameless minion. No one ever does. Which is why the Zhou end up losing most of their army.

 

Yuchi still has a thousand men or so and he won't give up on his desire to capture Chang Gong. This time our hero leads his pursuers into a deep dark canyon. Once again it's a trap and waiting just around the bend are some more Qi soldiers, led by Prince of An De (Hey, it's George Hu from Love Around. Did you know he's actually an American? I didn't.)

 

Yuchi Jiong and what's left of his army high tail it out of there. Chang Gong's horse, Snowy, has been injured. Yet another nameless minion says there are supposedly fairies around this area. Perhaps the general can find one and heal his war horse. Thanks for the advice, nameless minion.

 

Meanwhile in White Mountain Village, Xue Wu (now played by Ariel Lin) has nearly blown the house up with her latest experiment. Granny doesn't approve of Xue Wu's chemistry set. She wants her granddaughter to be a simple wife and mother. In order to get a man, Granny insists Xue Wu embroider a belt in time for tomorrow's initiation ceremony.

 

Xue Wu is trying to do some acupuncture on a chicken. The chicken is like, "The hell with this," and runs away. Xue Wu gives chase. She follows the fowl all the way past the wall of fog and to the outer world. Since she's needing some sulphur for her experiments, Xue We wanders over to a nearby hot springs. This just happens to be where Gao Chang Gong has taken his horse to heal.

 

Chang Gong, who is partly undressed in the water, catches Xue Wu giving him an open mouth stare. Only Xue Wu has seen him from the back and thinks he's a girl. Xue Wu starts taking off some (but not all) of her clothes so she can join the "other woman" for a bath in the hot springs. Never once does Chang Gong announce, "I'm a dude!"

 

Suddenly Xue Wu sees enemy soldiers sneaking around the springs. She recklessly goes into action, swearing to protect Chang Gong from these peeping toms. Chang Gong is touched that Xue Wu would try to protect him. He leaps up out of the water, lands on dry land in front of the soldiers and starts to take them down. Xue Wu is too busy drowning one soldier to notice all this. Snowy just stands there.

 

Now that everybody's dead, Chang Gong finally turns around and reveals to Xue Wu that he's a man.

Boys Before Friends Episode 3

Yes, there's another episode.

Yes, I'm watching it.

Yes, I have no idea why.

 

 

The show opens with Zoey #2 on a stage practicing a dance routine. (Viewers have been raving she's a better dancer than Zoey #1 was. I still don't see it. She's just flailing around to my eyes.) Half of the F4 have come to watch her dance and rewatch the video of last night's girl fight at the fundraiser.

 

Chloe and Piper then drop by for a visit. Zoey #2 points off camera to show them a non-existent poster announcing an expensive school trip to Hawaii.  (Seriously, the Show couldn't afford to make a prop poster?) The boys are listening in as Chloe suggests they instead take a timeshare out in Malibu. When Liam learns about the girls' plans, he makes Malibu plans of his own.

 

The girls arrive at the palatial beach house. It must take hours for them to climb the stairs as it starts out daylight but it's pitch black when they come through the front door. Or perhaps it was a total eclipse as we viewers are shown shots of the interior of the house and it's daylight outside once again.

 

Anyway, the girls keep talking about someone named Brad. He may be a surf instructor. As the girls are giggling upstairs they hear someone enter downstairs. It's the F3 (Liam, Chase and Noah. Where's sensitive Oliver? And where'd the sun go? It's dark again.) The boys announce that they're going to be the girls' roommates. The blocking of the scene (that has only one angle) is rather awkward. All you see of the boys are their backs and sometimes they're standing right in front of whoever is reciting a line.

 

Then for some reason the three prostitutes show up at the beach house as well. Their appearance makes my laptop freeze up. Anyway, someone off camera suggests they all call a truce for the next three days since the entire cast (minus sensitive Oliver) will be sharing the house. This now includes the three other boys who once tried to rape Zoey #1. Good times, good friends. I know I'd like to share a beach house with the creeps who threatened to sexually assault me.

Later, sensitive Oliver finally joins the rest of the cast. The actor doesn't look well. Perhaps that's why he wasn't in the earlier scenes: he was off puking his guts out. Oliver and Zoey #2 share ear buds as they listen to a new song together. Liam looks on with hurt in his eyes. Meanwhile Piper and Chase have their moment of flirting while Chloe and Noah bond over Wii.

And so... nothing really happens for awhile. Liam clumsily tries flirting with Zoey #2, only to end up pissing her off and getting water thrown in his face. Soft jazz music plays as Liam practices asking Zoey #2 out to a party. (I don't know if the cameraman is grooving along with the music or had one too many for lunch as he can't keep the camera still.)

Zoey #2 is out back practicing her liturgical dance when she's joined by Oliver. Girl talk time! Have you ever been in love?

Liam's jealousy drives him to confront Zoey #2 and demand to know if she's into Oliver or not. Zoey #2 slaps Liam and storms off only to walk in on sensitive Oliver kissing Jade, who has just arrived. Once again I have to laugh at the inept camera work. Jade is talking to Zoey but we only see her from the chin down. Oliver is standing behind her and is nearly invisible.

Finally the last of the cast, Aubrey, arrives at the very crowded beach house. They put on their clubbing clothes to go out and hit the town. (And when I say "town" I mean the living room with the drapes closed so you won't notice they're using the same set.) Zoey #2 is sitting alone moping over sensitive Oliver when she's joined by Riley, Aubrey's male best friend. He's got a secret crush on Zoey, although I get the vibe he'd be more comfortable with a crush on Liam, IUKWIM.

Riley whines about being the son of a famous senator and how he's expected to follow in Dad's footsteps. Riley doesn't want to go into politics. He wants to go around setting up safe houses for victims of human trafficking.

Out on the dance floor Chloe is harassed by some creep (played by Rainbow Brite from the hair salon. He's gone straight!) The F4 come to her rescue. Noah comforts the shaken Chloe. Piper tells Chase this crazy pirate story. The blond prostitute is jealous of how much time Chase spends with the other girl. Chris the Rapist attempts to comfort the blond.

She's not the only one needing a shoulder to cry on. Jade and Oliver have been eating each other alive, putting a wet blanket on Zoey #2's evening. Liam asks Zoey to dance with him. The unseen DJ announces at the count of three everyone must kiss, which they do. Chloe kisses Noah, Chris the Rapist kisses the blond prostitute, the other mean girl kisses a guy I've never seen before, and yes, Zoey #2 kisses Liam.

Inspiring Generation Episode 1

Also known as Age of Feeling, or Generation of Youth, or Birth of the God of Battle, or Inspiring Age, or anything else you can come up with.

 

 

A woman in a kimono named Deguchi Gaya politely asks a man where he would like her to bury his body.

 

Who was that guy? I don't know as we're now whisked away to an underworld street fight with Shin Jung Tae (played by Kim Hyun Joong, or as I like to call him, Stick Boy.  Because lets be honest: a stick could out-act this guy.) The other opponent may be bigger but Jung Tae is faster. He would have won, too, if the other guy hadn't fought dirty. That and Jung Tae was paid to throw the fight.

 

The year is 1936 and Jung Tae is in Dalian, Manchuria. His manager is promising that eventually they'll be booked in Shanghai. Jung Tae goes to a hole in the wall to drink his troubles away. He's the silent and broody type, meaning the show has wisely not given Hyun Joong many lines so far. The victorious opponent from the fight has heard the rumor about the fight being fixed. He's come to the bar to pour Jung Tae's drink all over him.

 

When Jung Tae refuses a rematch, the opponent punches a female bartender in order to rile Jung Tae up. Now its on and its on for real. It takes only three moves for Jung Tae to take the other guy down. Before he leaves the bar, Jung Tae is joined by Wang Baek San (played by Jung Ho Bin). Baek San has come to tell Jung Tae his father is dead. Hmm, was that who Gaya was killing in the first scene?

 

Jung Tae finally arrives in Shanghai but we don't get to enjoy it long as he's inspired to have a flashback. The time is eight years earlier in the Shin Eui Joo region. Young Jung Tae (played for the moment by Kwan Dong Yun) is working as a rickshaw driver when he sees a young girl being chased by a couple of meanies. Naturally he has to come to the damsel's rescue and take the thugs down. (I notice Kwan Dong Yun has more lines than Stick Boy has yet to have.)

 

The girl thanks Jung Tae by slapping him in the face. In her mind he's just made things worse for her by beating up those guys. It turns out the girl is none other than a young Deguchi Gaya (played at the moment by Joo Da Young).

 

We continue in 1928 as we're introduced to Jung Tae's friends and associates. He's got a younger sister named Shin Chang Ah who doesn't seem to be in the best of health. The girl at the medicine shop, Yoon Ok Ryeon (played as a kid by Ji Woo) has a huge crush on him. There's another rickshaw driver who is buddies with Jung Tae but I didn't catch the guy's name. 

 

Jung Tae runs into Gaya again and he gives her a free rickshaw ride through some beautiful scenery. Soft music plays as they fall into young love. Tragically, while they're enjoying the sights, Jung Tae's buddy is getting the ever-livin' crap beat out of him. At least I learn his name is Jjang Ddol. He owes these guys money and he's behind on his payment. Naturally Jung Tae has to come to his buddy's rescue. Ddol warns Jung Tae that the loan sharks will want revenge for getting their asses kicked.

 

Meanwhile we learn some more of Ok Ryeon's backstory. She's the daughter of a gisaeng. Her mother sent Ok Ryeon out to work at the herbal medicine shop in hopes of getting the girl away from this world. Mom at the moment is entertaining a Mr. Choi Po Soo (played by Son Byung Ho). He asks how Jung Tae is doing. Hmm, is this the doomed father?

 

Ddol tempts Jung Tae with a job offer to do some smuggling. The only reason our hero is willing to think about breaking the law is because Jung Tae is trying to come up with the money for his sister's operation. (No, I don't know what's wrong with her.) But in order to get in on the smuggling, the boys must pay their way in. Jung Tae uses what money he's saved up for his sister.

 

Over in Osaka, Japan, Denkai (played by Kim Gab Soo) is being told they may have found Shinjo. I think Shinjo (played by Choi Chul Ho of Scandal: A Shocking and Wrongful Incident) is Gaya's sick dad.

 

Jung Tae and Ddol learn the whole smuggling deal was a scam by the Dobinori gang. An angry Jung Tae risks his life to go confront this dangerous mafia and try to get the money back. Instead he has his ass handed to him on a platter.

Dracula Episode 9

Four Roses

 

 

A sleeping Mina, still in the hospital, is dreaming about the attack and starting to get a clearer image of a blood-smeared Alexander Grayson reaping carnage.

 

Dracula is wanting to declare jihad. Renfield tries to convince his boss that Lord Davenport, while a member of the Order, yes, was the one behind all the recent attacks and was acting on his own. Oh, and Renfield's men have retrieved the triptych from Davenport's custody. Dracula won't be budged. He still thinks the Order was behind the assault on Mina and he won't rest until he has vengeance.

 

Renfield goes to Professor Van Helsing, hoping to get backup in calming Dracula down. However Van Helsing considers the pact between him and the vampire to be null and void. Frankly, my dear Renfield, I don't give a damn.

 

Lady Jayne is almost bursting with joy. Reputable huntsmen are arriving from all over Europe. Together they're going to sweep through London and commit vampire genocide. Mr. Browning can't get worked up enough to celebrate with her as his children are still missing. He's convinced it is Alexander Grayson who is behind the kidnapping and he rightly surmises that Grayson is Dracula. Lady Jayne once again scoffs at the idea of her former lover being a vampire. Now forget about the kids and concentrate on wholesale slaughter of the undead.

 

Jonathan Harker wakes the next morning to discover himself in a very ugly bed along with Lucy. He quietly gets dressed and leaves her sleeping ass behind. Not even a "Thanks for last night" note. You're a douche bag, Jonathan.

 

Mr. Browning brings the police to search Carfax Manor. Grayson is like, "Sure. Go right ahead. You won't find anything." Which of course they don't. As Browning is leaving he's surprised to find Harker hiding in the carriage. Jonathan informs Browning he's willing to join the Order. Browning puts two and two together and figures out it was Harker who killed Davenport. Meanwhile Renfield asks the possibility if it is Van Helsing who stole the children. Dracula poo poo's the idea.

 

Lucy starts to come out to her mother. (BTW, Mom has so far been the only woman I've seen on the show to wear correct period clothing.)

 

Harker's first order for The Order is to steal the blueprints to Grayson's steampunk thingy.

 

Dracula warns Van Helsing that the abduction of the Browning children better not muck up his own plans for revenge. Or else he'll muck up Van Helsing.

 

Van Helsing indeed has the children hidden away somewhere in a very cobwebby shack. They're unconscious (must be drugged) and laid out on the slab. Oh no, the professor has brought his Hammer O'Death. Yet as he begins to swing, Van Helsing relives the screams of his own children right before they were stuffed back into the burning house. He's unable to bash the Browning kids.

 

Back at the club, the fogeys are enjoying their stogies when Grayson invites himself into the billiard room. (Um, does no one notice the "American" is speaking with an English accent?) Grayson has brought some friends along with him, promising them dinner. Oh wait, somebody does mention the change in accents. Grayson laughs, exposing his fangs. Leaving his minion vampires behind, Grayson closes the door to the billiard room and uses a pool stick to barricade against any dinner escaping.

 

Mina wakes up to find Grayson at her side. She tells him she knows he was the one who saved her from the men who attacked her. Grayson insists she's confused and not remembering correctly but Mina knows better now.

 

Lady Jayne brings one of the visiting huntsman along to view the bloodbath in the billiard room. His name is Kaha Ruma and his a Maori. (He's got one of those tattoos around his eye like Mike Tyson.) Mr. Browning tells them he's also sent for the Sicilian, Loiza Scaverra, and that the Vatican is going to loan the Order a sacred relic. (What, no Rosicrucians?)

 

Lucy comes to the hospital to visit her frenemy, Mina. Without putting it in so many words, Lucy breaks it to Mina that Jonathan's throbbing python of love has found a new home.

 

Jonathan is off being sworn in to the Order.

 

Van Helsing slaps together a ransom note for the children.

 

Grayson receives the good news that the Board of Health have ruled in his favor over the steampunk thingy. Now Grayson can go ahead with his grand demonstration. Don't be too happy, Grayson. It was the Order who arranged the clean bill of health. They want you to have a grand demonstration so they can arrange a grand failure.

 

Mina pulls herself out of her sickbed to go confront Jonathan about Lucy. He tries to shift the blame, claiming Lucy has been throwing herself at him for weeks now. Mina, knowing Lucy's tastes don't run that way, can't believe him.

 

Stumbling her way into people as she wanders out into the fog, Mina has a vision in a rain puddle and faints. Anyway, Mina is found and returned to the hospital where she receives another visit from Grayson. She asks him just what is going on between them. Grayson admits that Mina reminds him of someone he used to love named Ilona. He's stunned when Mina confesses that she knows Ilona. She's dreamed of the other woman since childhood and the vision tonight in the rain puddle was of Ilona.

 

Mina goes on to tell Grayson how she and Jonathan have broken up because of his wango zee tango with Lucy. Grayson is appalled at Lucy's behavior. So appalled that he drops in on Lucy's bath, bites her on the neck and then forces Lucy to drink his vampire blood.

Three Kingdoms Episode 50

Am I at the half-way point? I guess you could say I'm at the half-way point. And still no sign of Ruby Lin!

 

 

We pick up with Guan Yu and his sparse military outfit as they stand outside the gates of Changsha. The opposing general, Huang Zhong, is not impressed with Longbeard. Another general, General Ling, rides out alone to take on Guan Yu for one-on-one combat. Before they can even get to pounding on the war drums, General Ling is down and out. Old man Huang Zhong is still not impressed. Watch how they did it back in his day.

 

Huang rides out into no man's land. Guan Yu respectfully instructs the elder man to return home. Battle is no place for senior citizens. Huang Zhong just laughs and laughs. (He seems to do that a lot.) Grandpa has some moves, Guan Yu and I will give him that. Old Skool!

 

Guan Yu acts like he's running off. Huang Zhong falls for this ruse and follows. Longbeard finally stops playing and knocks Huang to the ground, but he won't kill the venerable old warrior. Huang Zhong must hoof it back to town on foot.

 

General Huang's lord, Han Zuan, is suspicious. Why did Guan Yu spare his opponent. Could these two warriors actually be in cahoots together? Han Zuan decides to test his general. The next time the city's forces face Guan Yu's army, Han Zuan will order Huang to use his considerable archery skills and kill Guan Yu with an arrow. If he misses then this is proof that General Huang is a traitor.

 

The next day Huang Zhong once again rides into battle with Han Xuan yelling from the sidelines, "Use your bow! Shoot him!" Since Guan Yu spared his life yesterday, Huang wishes to repay the favor and thus purposefully misses Guan Yu. This just convinces Han Zuan his suspicious were correct and he has the old general arrested.

 

Huang Zhong is sentenced to be executed. He's marched out to the town square and the executioner is just about to swing his blade when another general, Wei Yan, comes to the old man's rescue. Wei Yan inspires the rest of the soldiers to rise up in mutiny against Han Zuan and to join up with Liu Bei. (Nobody listens to Huang Zhong who is trying to get everyone to calm down.)

 

Guan Yu welcomes Liu Bei and company into Changsha. Baby Bouncer is eager to meet with the legendary Huang Zhong but Huang is excusing himself as being too ill to have visitors. Liu Bei understands that if he doesn't win Huang over, he doesn't really win Changsha.

 

Huang is so ill he's out practicing his archery skills. That's when Liu Bei drops in for a visit, standing right in front of the target. Huang knows this is his chance to kill the imperial uncle but the bow breaks before Huang can get the shot off. Liu Bei butters Huang Zhong up like a Thanksgiving biscuit. Kids, flattery will get you everywhere.

 

Wei Yan is brought before Liu Bei. Zhuge Liang orders Wei to be executed for betraying his original master. Liu Bei gently intervenes. Then Big Fan oddly turns right around and advises Liu Bei to give Wei Yan a monetary reward and make the guy the leader of an army.

 

Just then they receive news that Liu Qi is just about to go join his ancestors. Liu Bei hurries back to Jing to mourn the passing of the young lord. With the death of Liu Qi, Liu Bei worries about Zhou Yu and the Southland stirring up trouble.

 

Sure enough, Sun Quan and Lu Su are celebrating the death of Liu Qi and how they expect to get Jing Province back.