Admit it, you're curious. We all are.
We pick up where we left off last time with Zoey #1 being attacked in the girls locker room. (I'm going to call her Zoey #1 because the show is going to switch horses in midstream.) They've got her down on the floor when Oliver, the sensitive member of F4, comes in and gives one of the attackers the wimpiest backhand I've ever seen. A two-year-old could hit harder. Yet it seems to work as the three attackers slink off.
Oliver goes back to the broom closet/F4 HQ to confront Liam and his wig about sending the minions to rape Zoey. Liam defends himself. He never told the minions to rape Zoey, just to get rid of her. Perhaps you should be more specific next time, Liam. Just then the three rapists come into the broom closet to explain what went wrong. The F4 ... do something. You don't really see anything, just that the rapists all suddenly sink the floor as they cry out in pain.
Zoey #1 goes home to be comforted by her gal pals. They're watching TV when it is reported that model Jade Jones has decided to retire after a mere five years of working to devote more time to fighting human trafficking.
The F4 go to play basketball. The three rapists have been painted with the slogan "F4 Does Not Support Rape."
At another time (I guess) Liam and the gang are somewhere playing pool when an angry Zoey #1 barges in. She continues the show's tradition of barely slapping someone to express anger. But then she sees a picture taped to the wall of the three painted rapists and suddenly everything is kind of O.K.
Meanwhile the Mean Girls plot on getting rid of Zoey because she touched their hair.
Noah and Chase decide Zoey's a pretty good ol' gal and take her out to lunch. Noah informs Zoey that Oliver has been dating Jade Jones since way back.
The Mean Girls act all friendly with Zoey and invite her to a fundraiser. Zoey admits she doesn't have anything fancy to wear to a gala. The Mean Girls assure her this is all low-key. Jeans and a T-shirt will be fine.
Back in the broom closet, Liam gets the idea that Zoey is sweet on him. He decides to go to the one and only rehearsal room at this prestigious college to watch Zoey do her chicken dance. Liam can't understand why she's not bowled over by his stylin' and profilin'. Zoey criticizes his hair so perhaps this signals the end of that horrendous wig. Zoey storms out of the room and off-camera someone yells, "Cut."
Oh dear Lord. Oh dear Lord. If only I could show you a picture. In the next scene Liam goes to a hairdresser who is... Oh dear Lord. Part man (with a goatee), part woman (with breasts) and all Rainbow Brite hair. Rainbow Brite does the world's quickest haircut and suddenly Liam doesn't look so bad. (I don't know why the show had him wearing a wig in the first place.)
Next up, Liam sends the three rapists to abduct Zoey #1 from the rehearsal room. What a great idea: send her attackers to forcefully carry Zoey #1 off against her will. This time, however, they're specific orders are to take Zoey #1 to Rainbow Brite for a makeover that includes tattoo removal. Zoey #1 is transformed into Zoey #2.
Zoey #2 is dropped off at Liam's house. I'm ashamed to admit this but now that the dead raccoon is off of his head, Liam is looking pretty hot. Then he has to go open his mouth and make the stupid declaration that he's allowing Zoey #2 to be his secret girlfriend. Hot dudes should be silent dudes. Zoey #2 throws a drink in his face and storms out.
Later the F4 are playing basketball in a time warp. It's dusk. It's morning. It's dusk again. It's afternoon. Zoey #2 is walking by and Liam inquires as to why isn't she falling at his feet like all the other girls. Zoey gives him the "not if you were the last man on earth" speech.
Finally we get around to the fundraiser scene. Please ignore that long black cord on the floor. Zoey #2 and her gal pals show up in their casual street clothes. Suddenly that pesky time warp kicks in again and everything rewinds. The soundman didn't make it, I'm afraid, and you have to strain to hear what the "actors" are saying. Nikki, one of the Mean Girls/prostitutes, bitches at Zoey #2 and the gang for showing up at this swanky party wearing jeans. Chloe slaps Nikki on the ass while Piper just keeps on eating.
Brought to you by the "Writters" Eriden and Kel Williams.
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