Dracula Episode 3

Goblin Merchant Men

 

 

Do you like your men in chains? Then you're in luck as the opening scene has our wet and half-dressed protagonist with an iron collar around his throat as he fends off his attackers. The goons are dressed in Medieval armor so I take it this is a flashback. They finally outnumber Dracula and beat him into the ground. When Dracula (or Vlad at this point) regains consciousness he finds himself surrounded by men in robes.

 

A hairy old man holding a ram's skull approaches the restrained Vlad. He tips the skull allowing thick, dark blood to be forced down Vlad's throat. Then, just for good measure, the hairy guy takes out a dagger and slits the prisoner's throat. Slowly dying on the cobblestones, Vlad has a vision of his beloved Iiona/Mina.

 

When he awakens again, Vlad is hanging from the ceiling. A monk enters the cell to explain Vlad has been punished by the Order of the Dragon for defying them and God. They have made him into a monster, the Undead.

 

Now back to London times.

 

(Dracula reminds me in a way of Bridal Mask. The show has only one street to use to represent an entire city.)

 

Lucy, still wearing her awful colours, has stopped by Mina's house to console her broken-hearted friend. (I still want to throttle the hairdressers of this show. Late 19th century English women didn't run around with their hair down like they do in this program!)

 

Lady Jayne Wetherby and her breasts have stopped by the insane asylum to talk with Dr. Murray, Mina's father, about treating her junkie psychics.

 

Dr. Murray is having tea with his old colleague, Professor Van Helsing, and asking for a new drug. Apparently doctor/client confidentiality hasn't been invented yet as Murray blabs about Lady Jayne being his patient. Van Helsing in turn reports back to Dracula who orders Van Helsing to provide the drug as it's obviously meant for the junkie seers.

 

That evening (or at least some evening) Dracula and Jayne have done the do and she's asleep. He takes the time to get half dressed and search her home. Dracula easily finds a secret door that takes him down to Jayne's dungeon. Behind a barred door he finds a grimy woman with vampire teeth. She reaches out to Dracula and begs him to kill her. He doesn't. When Dracula returns to Jayne's bedroom, his red eyes have tears in them.

 

Daniel Davenport surprises me as he actually does make it to Episode 3. He and dad, Lord Davenport, are out having lunch at a restaurant when Daddy spots poor Jonathan Harker sitting all by himself. Daddy calls the maitre'd over intending to send an expensive bottle of wine to Harker's table. The maitre'd reveals that Mr. Harker had just now ordered an expensive bottle of wine to be sent over to the Davenport table. Oh, and there's that bald British guy I've seen elsewhere before but for the life of me I can't remember his name. He did a series on the History Channel about Egypt. But that's neither here nor there as he turns out to not have any lines.

 

Lucy takes Mina out on the town to forget about Jonathan. They get publicly drunk and disorderly, just like 19th century ladies DID NOT DO.

 

Daniel Davenport begs his (surprisingly buff) lover to run away with him far out of the reach of The Order. Lord Laurent declines. He understands he's in big trouble with the Dragons for selling his coolant shares to Dracula. Laurent won't be a coward and run away from his impending doom.

 

It's early in the morning and our drunk debutantes are stumbling their way back home. Across the street in his carriage, Dracula wants to watch as Mina discovers a large bouquet of roses on the doorstep but the sun is coming up and Renfield feels the need to protect his master from the harmful UV rays. They return home to Carfax Manor where Dracula rants at Van Helsing for not working on the solar vaccine for him.

 

Lord Laurent is brought before the members of the Order, which includes his lover, Daniel. Mr. Browning proclaims that it is written in the Order's bylaws that anyone betraying the Order shall get a big blade rammed into his chest. Daniel must look on as Laurent's fast-flowing blood pools at the young man's feet. (Wow, I didn't think they would kill Laurent off the show so quickly.)

 

Tonight Lucy takes Mina out to a dive bar where they can try Absinthe and listen to hippy music. (It's Anemone by The Brian Jonestown Massacre in case you're wondering.) As the liquor kicks in, Mina watches as everyone dirty dances in slow motion. Some viewers are getting the vibe that Lucy swings both ways and right now she's wanting Mina to swing with her.

 

Mina gets up and stumbles her way into a vision. She finds herself in a cobblestone courtyard, the same place where Vlad had been chained and beaten. When she wakes up, Mina is hit upon by a hippy poet painter. When she laughs off his advances, the hippy gets angry. Before he can do anything to her, though, Dracula grabs the hippy by the collar and throws the man across the room.

 

Mina wakes up after her night of partying to discover it's two in the afternoon and she's missed today's lecture. She meets with Professor Van Helsing who gives her a hangover concoction. (Mina is wearing a short sleeved shirt as 19th century ladies DID NOT DO.) She asks her mentor for another chance to prove herself worthy.

 

Van Helsing sends the new drug to Dr. Murray who sends it to Jayne Wetherby who sends it to her junkie seers. The seers tap into the Porn Channel as Dracula and Jayne are writhing together on top of her bed. Suddenly the voyeurs are stricken by paralysis. They're conscious but can't move. Van Helsing walks in with his little black bag of doom. He takes out a nice shiny metal hammer and bludgeons the seers to a pulp.

 

Jonathan and Mina kiss and make up, thanks in part to Dracula.

 

Mr. Browning and Jayne Wetherby find the dead junkies. Jayne fears London will now be overrun with vampires.

 

A distraught Daniel Davenport shoots his brains out. (I knew he wouldn't last long; I just got the episode number wrong.) Daddy Davenport finds his dead son as well as the suicide note that explains how "Alexander Grayson" had blackmailed the late Lord Laurent into selling his company shares.